Posts Tagged ‘Sister’

Yesterday, Kaeidyn missed school because of the sudden onset of a cold (probably from running around outside without her jacket on…). Then, Keirnan had a dentist appointment. It’s going to be four months until we can get him in for his teeth. Now, not only will he need to get the top four teeth pulled, he’ll also be getting a cap in an upper back tooth, and a filling on each side on the bottom! It’s also going to cost me almost $200 more than it would’ve if I got it done last year when we had it scheduled for. Darn his runny nose then.

We have been trying Carter on formula constantly these last couple of days. He’s refusing to take it at all. The second you stick the bottle in his mouth, he starts wailing. He won’t take his rice cereal either. The only type of solid food we’ve been able to get him to eat so far is mashed potatoes. The other day we went up to The Boyfriend’s sister’s place for one of her kids’ birthday parties, had a delicious turkey dinner (my all time favourite holiday meal!), and Carter mowed down on mashed potatoes and gravy. But formula and rice cereal, he hates…

I’ve been in an incredible amount of pain these last couple of days, hence the lack of writing. I’m not sure if it’s the way I’m sleeping, or the fact that I’ve been pretty lazy this last little while, but I feel weak and all my muscles are sore and tired. Yesterday, I was spread out on the couch all day, trying to find a comfortable position for my spasming back.

I went to get my depo shot too yesterday (finally!), and the nurse asks, “When was your last period?”, and I say, “Well, I’ve kind of mostly been bleeding since I had Carter, maybe a week in total of not bleeding.”, so she says, “Well, how old is Carter?”, I say, “About 5 months.” So now, I have to make yet another doctor’s appointment and see if I can’t get my hormone levels tested. I considered picking up a pregnancy test the other day, but fear consumed me while we were looking through the isle.

I don’t think I’m pregnant again, if that’s what everyone’s thinking. I mean, there’s an extremely slim possibility, as there is with any girl using birth control as her only form of protection. But I’m pretty positive it’s not pregnant, but I definetely think something might be up. Maybe it’s just a reaction to the depo or because I’m still recovering from pregnancy, but I think something’s not right, because I feel too crappy for everything to be fine.

Mama T finally gets back from B.C. today. So tomorrow, I’ll finally get to go see Goober. Mama T originally asked that I didn’t go see Goober, because he’s convinced when I go out there, he gets to come home. And it most likely wouldn’t be like that. So Mama T was sure that it would upset him. I wasn’t originally gonna listen to Mama T, but when I asked Goober’s social worker about it, he agreed with Mama T. I’ve talked to Goober everyday since he’s been in there, and all he can talk about is wanting to come home. Unfortunately, he doesn’t really have a home to come home to.

He can’t come and live with me, for a variety of reasons. The most prominent two being I don’t have the room for him, and until he’s healthy, he upsets the kids too much. It’s pretty bad when my three-year-old says, “Uncle, stop staring at me.”, or “Uncle, stop talking to yourself.” And Mama T has pretty much said no, because it wasn’t really working out him being over there.

Our greatest hope is that he’ll actually get help. He’s already talking about stopping taking his meds once he gets out, and not seeing a psychiatrist, because he’s really convinced that there’s nothing wrong with him. I think that’s what’s making his doctor’s and social worker most worried. I hope he doesn’t come home, still sick….

Other than that, life around here has been pretty boring the last couple of days. Oh yeah, did I tell you, the kids broke my camera? So here I was all excited about being able to take new pictures since I finally found my camera, and then nope, it’s broken… Oh well, goes on our list of things to buy.

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Times have been trying these last couple of days. And my brother seems to be doing worse everyday. I don’t think he’s sleeping much, as he spends most of the night stalking around outside of my house, as I discovered last night…

The Boyfriend started his one week holiday yesterday. Somehow, he managed to stay up really late with me. At about one in the morning, Goober shows up on my doorstep. I fake that we’re all asleep and don’t answer the door. He stands on my doorstep for about 15 minutes, talking to himself and finally leaves.

At about four, he comes back and Kaeidyn had woken up because she had laid on her ears for too long. Since she got them pierced, when she lays on her sides, the backs of the earring poke into her neck. Well she hears him knock at the door, at four in the morning and goes to let him in. Both The Boyfriend and I tell her not to, and we turn everything off and convince her to go back down to bed. He sits outside, on the car, for the next twenty minutes talking to himself. Then he stands up, and takes off all his sweaters, and stares into our window with just his T-shirt and pants on. Another ten minutes goes by, and he finally leaves.

Today, he slightly admitted to the fact that he’s not alright, when he said that being at Mama T’s place is tripping him out. And I feel incredibly bad for him. The big sister in me, wants to take him into my house and keep my watchful eye over him. But then I remember what it’s like when he is here, and I’m in no way prepared to take him in full-time. The couple hours a day is almost to the point of ending, because I’m sick of ending every visit with him yelling at him to get the f*** out of my house!

Even the kids can’t stand the way he is. Kaeidyn gets incredibly angry at him when he talks to himself and will sit there going, “Uncle, stop talking to yourself. You’re acting crazy!”, or when he stares at anyone and she notices, she’ll saying “Uncle, you’re staring again.” It makes her very uncomfortable to be around him, and she picks up on my annoyance with him the second I feel it.

He needs to get some serious mental help. And he’s so worried that they’ll lock him up in an institution and force him to take meds, and that the family will completely disown him, that he won’t even consider it. Mama T’s boyfriend, Chef, also has Goober convinced that the only road to sanity is to get a job. And since Goober believes him and Chef went through an almost similar experience with Ketamine, Goober believes that what Chef says is the only thing in the world that makes sense. So everytime you tell him that mental health is what he should be focusing on, he says “Chef says I need to work a camp job. But I don’t want a camp job. So I’m just looking for one really hard in town here.” Every once in and awhile he’ll throw in that no one will hire him because he’s a “punk”.

I’m not sure what to do for him or where to go from here with this whole thing. A part of me wants to just write him out of my life for good. Not answer the door when he comes over, ignore him when I see him in public. But another part of me, thinks that’s terribly heartless and wants to scoop him up and save him and mother him. This whole week has been all about trying to make a decision… Unfortunately, I haven’t come up with anything yet…

Well that’s all I had to write. Anyone got words of advice?

I am sweating so bad!! I just did a 20 minute workout on Your Shape! I gave up after I got to a side plank and my right arm kept snapping underneath my weight. I tried modifying it by putting one knee bent on the ground (still in perfect form), but it was getting too hard for me to hold myself up.

I was literally dripping with sweat during my workout. I was a little disappointed, because I put in that I wanted to strengthen my abs, and it seemed to give me alot more leg workouts. So it was alot of squats, which I guess is good, but my legs aren’t really in need of that much work.

One of these days, probably after we get more batteries now, I’ll take a picture of myself now, with my measurements and then a couple months from now, when I get on a workout routine, I’ll put another full body picture up with the change in measurements. That could potentially be really fun or really embarrassing.

It seems like my knee, back and neck are all going to be hindrances in me completing whatever fitness goal it is that I have, which I think right now is just overall toning. I don’t really think I have any weight to lose, I’m 5’7″ in 136 lbs, and I don’t think that that is that bad. But I do need to tone what I have, at the very least, get a little bit of definition.

Today, The Boyfriend, Kaiedyn, Carter and I all went up to The Boyfriend’s Sister’s place. It was her twins birthday party, and we didn’t have enough room in the car for Kenzie and Keirnan, so it was a nice little half-a-family outing. Kaeidyn got to decorate cookies and she played with tons of kids. Kenzie and Keirnan stayed home with Alfie, and I suppose they had a good time. No complaints from anyone, so it was all good.

It was nice to get out of the house. It’s beginning to sound like it happens alot more than it used to, yet not as much as it did during the summer. I can’t wait for this summer and all our walking. Hopefully, by summer, we’ll have a vehicle of our own and we can all go to some of our favourite places around town here. Maybe even eventually venture out of town.

I think as long as The Boyfriend is working graveyards, we’ve pretty much got two days out of the week to work with, and even that’s pushing it. I hate complaining about his job, because I know that it makes him feel horrible for having the job, even though he had it before we got together. It seriously drives me nuts though that he’s gotta sleep during the day when I’m most active, and he can’t sleep next to me, and then spending extra time together cuts into his sleeping.

Like today, because we went to the birthday party and he didn’t want to leave me yet, he’s only getting about two hours of sleep before heading back to work. It sucks, and I wish he didn’t have to go to work and that way he could just sleep next to me and everything would be fine.

Mama T’s still out at the Olympics and her boyfriend came back into town a couple days back. Goober, my brother, has been avoiding going back to Mama T’s house as much as possible. Today, we went to the birthday party and told Goober he couldn’t be here while Alfie was here, as usual. Told him to come back after 4 PM, though we were getting home at 3. We pull up right at 3, and there he is, standing in the middle of our yard with his huge stick, looking like the town creep. Upon being told he looks like a creep, he says “I know, it’s fun!”. Not so much fun for me!

So the kids got put to bed tonight, and the boys thought it would be hilarious to spill their sippy cups all over their bed. This was after I got mad at them for screaming at the top of their lungs, while The Boyfriend was in the room next to them trying to get his two hours of shuteye. When I saw the sippy cup mess, I gave all the kids “the look”, and now they are laying down quietly. It only took me 15 minutes, which is better than the usual 45 minutes to an hour. Unless The Boyfriend or Alfie deal with it. At bed time, they just don’t listen to me usually.

Carter has been constantly hungry, or so it seems to me, especially at night time. I think my breast milk might be slowing down and he’s not getting enough in the normal amount of time for feedings. We normally go for almost an hour and a half, jumping back and forth between right and left breasts. It’s becoming more and more difficult to stay determined to breastfeed. It’s just so all encompassing, and sometimes I don’t feel like doing it. Even though I know I have to. Hopefully he’ll start solids soon, so that at least I can take a break every once and awhile.

Well that’s pretty much my day in a nutshell. Now it’s time to relax on the couch, watch TV and feed my hungry, teething baby. My head hurts after my workout, so maybe I’ll take one or two tylenol and call it a night shortly after The Boyfriend leaves for work.

Do you ever have those days where you hate your extended family? I have days where I hate my family, and I have days when I hate Alfie’s family. Today, just happens to be one of those days.

This was all of the cause of the ending of the old Rantings. I wrote what I felt at the moment, Alfie’s family took it the wrong way, and a fight started which ultimately led to the end of the Rantings. And here we are today, where I want to rant about some things, and I feel like all of these people would come down on me like a ton of bricks… Oh well….

About a year ago, the English and American posted some rather nasty comments on a bunch of my status’ on Facebook. I hadn’t personally dealt with them in a few months, because I was dating The Boyfriend. So when they wanted to see the kids, Alfie would watch the kids at my house and they would come see the kids while he was here and I was gone.

Well first came the nasty comments, I went and privately messaged them asking what was going on, they posted back to a comment about how messy my house was and basically that they thought Kaeidyn wasn’t as smart as she could’ve been, “She doesn’t even know her colors!”. I’ve never been naive, I know for the rest of my life, everyone, especially in-laws, will question my parenting. That’s the joys of becoming a parent. I just hated that it had to be in such a public forum.

So then when a bunch of my friends and my sister defended me on Facebook, American went and sent them all private messages, explaining in detail just how horrible of a parent she considered me to be. And how much she wanted to call child welfare on me, and would suggest to them to do it. My friends and my sister (being my friends and my sister) all sent me the messages, wondering what the heck was going on. I simply cut contact, I wasn’t about to play the stupid game. I know in my heart that I’m doing what I need to be doing to keep my kids safe, healthy and in the best possible condition that I am capable of. I’m also pretty darn sure that I’d be aware of it if I wasn’t being good enough. But anywho…

We went a really really really long time without talking at all. They didn’t see the kids, there seemed to be no problems. I was all in that “Phew” state. And then it all came crashing down…

English’s daughter was coming to town (from England), and had never met any of the kids. It was my desire for my kids to meet their Dad’s sister, and it was Alfie’s desire too. I tried to put down the rule that as long as the people who called my kid stupid and bashed me publicly on Facebook weren’t involved. I was informed this was impossible. When Alfie freaked out, I went and said that if American and English could just apologize, it’d probably all be different. So Alfie was all like “No, it wouldn’t”, and my determination to always be right with Alfie completely screwed me over. I was dumb and went and said “Yes, it would!”. He goes and tells American and English this.

So then American (who wasn’t even the one who started the nasty comments), calls me up out of the blue looking to apologize. She wasn’t the one I was mad at, plus she really gave me no choice. Before she was even done the apology, she was already talking to the kids about coming to their house to meet their Auntie English. The kids were so excited about getting to meet someone from England, and too young to understand anything about disrespect, that I just gave in.

About three months ago, this all went down. English has still refused to have any contact with me at all, and last I heard thinks I’m this fat, loser, w with a h and an ore, so I’ve made no effort to talk to him. American now thinks we’re all buddy buddy and comes over often. I smile for the kids, because I don’t want to deprive them of any relationship with people that could potentially give them something great. I can’t let my own problems with people, interfere with my kids relationships (unless those relationships should harm them, and so far, I have no proof that American and English would harm my kids. Just their mother…).

Well today, American came over for one of her visits. Out of nowhere, she asks about my Dad. I haven’t really talked to my Dad for quite a long time. A bit of a sore subject for me. My Dad and I had a bit of a falling out, quite a long time ago, that I didn’t even find out about until almost 6 months later. I just thought maybe he couldn’t call me or something.

Then all of a sudden, I found out that it was because my Dad had heard about me going to a munch (a lunch get-together for kinky people – it was my very first, I haven’t been again since. Really want to, but 4 kids makes it incredibly hard), and was disgusted, so decided he wasn’t going to talk to me. I personally think it’s the most pathetic thing I’ve ever heard. First of all, my Dad knew years ago that I was into the kinky stuff, and often joked with me about. And then just one day, it disgusts him. I guess maybe because I was in public. Whatever… I’ve basically come to this decision about life that if people don’t like the way I live my life or the way that I am, than they’re not people I want as part of my life or part of who I am. So, whatever…

Turns out, all my enemies are like best friends. My step-mother, a truly evil woman who has damaged a handful of people, and American, who publicly bashed her step-grandchildren and their mother, talk on the phone all the time. American knew why my Dad and I haven’t been talking. She’s all up in my family’s business, and it ticks me off. It ticks me off even more that my evil step-mother (who hasn’t been welcome in my house for almost two years, and has nothing to do with me or my kids, ever. And I plan on keeping it that way for the rest of my life – because I’ve had proof that I need to protect my children from that harm), has an enemy eye into my household and the way it’s run… Argh…

This is the problem with my blogging. I never re-read what I write until way after I’ve published it. It defeats the purpose of my blogging. And I’ve officially RANTED hard about a subject, and now I’m gonna spend the rest of the night nervous about any of the people mentioned, freaking out about being mentioned in a blog. Even though out of all the people who probably come to my blog, the only people who would know who any of these people are, are probably the people themselves. I didn’t use anybody’s name though, so to any of those people who are mad about being mentioned in a blog, please don’t be. And to those who are mad, read This…

I finally got out of the house today. I haven’t been outside since our monthly Mama T & McDonald’s trip. The weather was absolutely beautiful today, and the boys were very hyper. So Alfie, Kenzie, Keirnan, Carter and I, all walked to go pick Kaeidyn up from school.

The walk there was awesome. Carter sat quietly in his Snugli. The boys had fun slipping around on the ice, but were keeping up really well. Walking home was another story entirely. Kaeidyn normally gets to play in the snow, but today it felt like they were all be so annoying with it. And I was sure someone was gonna get hurt. But we made it home, all of us fine and still alive.

After lunch, finally, I decided that it was going to be a nap day. I’ve been pissy at The Boyfriend, and stressing over kid stuff, and napping normally helps that. This wasn’t one of those naps. I woke up from the nap more mad than I was when I went for it. I didn’t even let anyone know I was actually out of bed, and instead made a dash for the bathtub where I filled the bath with hot, hot water!

My favourite thing(s) about taking a bath are:

  1. I don’t have to stand up
  2. I can lock the door
  3. I get to read without being bothered
  4. It’s quiet in the bathroom

So I spent the next 45 minutes, in a ridiculously hot bath, reading “I Am My Mother’s Daughter” by Iris Krasnow. This book doesn’t really apply to me, being that it’s meant for aging daughters and their aging mothers. We’re talking 40-year-old women with 80-year-old Mom’s. I don’t have an 80-year-old Mom.

I also didn’t pick this book. It was brought over by my aunt in a huge stack of books (mostly romance novels). Now I’m not a huge fan of romance books, I mean it’s not that it’s not a good read, I just can’t get into the story. Romance doesn’t make much sense to me. Sexuality and intimacy do, that’s why I can love reading erotica. Romance on the other hand, not so much. So since I don’t like the romance novels, and I’ve read every other book I own that isn’t a romance novel, I figured I’d give this one a shot.

I was suprised at how much I liked “I Am My Mother’s Daughter”. Mama T and I have a pretty tumultuous relationship. I don’t remember a time in my life when my Mom and I weren’t having an arguement of some kind. To one up it, we both are pretty bad for holding grudges. I mean we forgive, but forget it… Are you kidding me?!?! I’ve never in my life even considered “writing her off”, even though I’ve been given handfuls of reasons.

I’ve always thought that out of all three of us kids, my Mom was always the hardest on me. Always had the most expectations of me. Always attacked me. But my sister always acts as if she’s had it the hardest and like Mom is more intense towards her. She’s been close to writing my Mom off many times, and on more than one occasion has gone months without talking to my Mom. I get nervous if my Mom doesn’t call me every other day.

“I Am My Mother’s Daughter” isn’t really useful to me, because I’ve already gotten to the point where I know there’s some things I can’t control (thank you 28 days with Sandra Bullock for teaching me that ;)), and there’s just nothing I can do about it. My Mom is my Mom and she’s not perfect, she makes mistakes, and she screws everything up sometimes. I could spend the rest of my life angry at her, and resenting her for the way she did or did not raise me, but what would I get from it?

It’s easier to accept that my mother is who she is, just as I am who I am, and that’s the best I can expect from her. I think that my sister would benefit greatly from reading this book. Then again, I think sometimes my sister is so stuck in her own little world that it wouldn’t even touch her. She’d just be reading the words. It’s really my sisters prerogative to be mad at my Mom at anytime in her life, so if she wants to be, there’s nothing I can do to stop that.

The book is mostly about Mom’s who are close to the end of their lives and daughters who wish they would’ve forgiven or forgotten so that they could have closure with their Mom’s before they died. I would hate to feel guilty for the rest of my life for not being there for my Mom when she passed. I couldn’t imagine what my sister would feel, as she pushes all her emotions way down to the bottom of herself until something sets her off and then she explodes, like an emotion-filled volcano. Reading this book makes me think a lot about my sister and my Mom and my kids. I hope none of them ever really hate me!

The Boyfriend and I finally talked a little bit about some of the problems we’ve been having this last week or so. It’s all nothing major at all, but it’s stuff that’s been bugging us. For me, it’s been the sleeping. I know he works a graveyard job, and I’m fine with that. I just wish I could see him awake some days. I wish I could rely on him for help more. It sucks too, I feel so bad complaining about it all, mostly because I know it’s something he would love to give me, but this job makes it hard. I don’t want quitting the job to be an option. He worked this job for 2 years before meeting me without any thoughts of quitting, and I don’t want to be the reason he quits a perfectly good job that he loves.

We didn’t talk about all the issues, because there just isn’t enough time and frankly, I don’t have the desire. One or two issues a day is all I care to deal with right now. I keep questioning whether or not I have a right to bitch about the things that I want to, and while I know I have the right to do anything I want to do (without breaking the law…), it doesn’t mean that I want to go through a slew of emotions. I used to be like that, every time I had a problem with something, I would go through all the crap. And I’d end up bringing up stuff that had happened months ago way too often. I don’t want it to be like that.

It’s not like The Boyfriend and I really have alot of issues either. My issue is he sleeps too much, his issue is Alfie. That’s really it. The only thing that sucks about all that, is we’ve had the same issues for almost the entire time that we’ve been together. And while things have changed, it almost feels like nothing has changed at all.

Well at least I got some fresh air, a nap and a bath today 😉

Well it’s Wednesday, and that means it’s The Boyfriend’s second night off work. The one he normally stays awake for. Almost every weekend for the last 2 or 3 months, has been comprised of him playing video games and me “playing” on the computer. Tonight, I didn’t much feel like being on the computer, so I hogged the TV all night.

It was nice though, because it forced us to spend time near each other. Which isn’t happening nearly enough. Today was one of those days though, when I felt like all the strings that hold our relationship together, were being strained by the weight of alot of different things. Things I can’t even define…

The kids have been awesome and annoying all at the same time all day today. They all helped a little bit with cleaning, Kaeidyn’s being extremely bossy and thinks that it’s her place to put her two cents in everywhere. Kenzie or Keirnan will be getting told something by us parents, and then the peanut gallery will chime in with, “Yeah, I told you not to do that” or “That’s why you shouldn’t do that”.

Kenzie has been doing better with the game thing these last two days. After the day of being grounded, the next day he had almost no interest in games whatsoever. Played for about an hour, and then we put a movie on and he was fine with that. Today he played for a little bit with Alfie, but after he got frustrated, he just turned the game off and wanted to watch TV.

Keirnan right now is being so difficult. He’s at that age, when he wants to do all these grown up things, that he’s not able to do. Like the dishes, he wants so badly to be allowed to do the dishes without someone standing there, or taking away everything but the plastic cups and spoons!! He wants to make dinner but doesn’t completely understand the concept of,”It’s really HOT”.

Even worse than that though, is that my Monkey is just starting to learn to talk. He points at things, and makes this whiny grunting noise. Some words, he’s figured out enough that he can use them all the time (though unless you really pay attention, it’s hard to tell which word is which). I also think he’s really selective about who he’ll talk to and under what circumstances. Because he seems to know more words when he’s talking to Kaeidyn or Kenzie than when he’s talking to us adults. I think it’s mostly just laziness, because Kaeidyn and Kenzie will talk for him.

Carter’s biggest thing over the last couple of days, has been this wicked amount of drooling that seems to be happening. He is soaking everything with his constant drool. I hope he’s not already teething. What’s breastfeeding like when a kid starts teething? My sister, Pikachu, breastfed her youngest through the whole teething thing, and everyday she’d bitch about her daughter biting her. I’m not looking forward to that…

Ba deep ba deep ba deep, that’s all folks and there’s your quickie. Hope you enjoyed it as much as I did 😉