Posts Tagged ‘Resolution’

Today was an incredibly boring day. After getting to sleep in a little late, The Boyfriend realized he still had the keys from work. So he ended up having to take a cab up to the south end. Before leaving he was all like “If they have them, do you want me to pick up a Wii?”. Hells yes I did. Well then they didn’t have them.

The Boyfriend bought the kids a new movie and Super Troopers (which I’ve never had an interest to see, but he insisted that I’d think it was hilarious. I didn’t…), but didn’t come back with any other treats than beef jerky for me. So of course, I had to give him a hard time. I go “You didn’t get me anything?” and he felt all bad and was like “I looked and couldn’t find anything you’d want.” He’s partially right. All the things that I want, that aren’t a Wii or a car, are things that I don’t want enough to get right now.

But of course, I had to be right, and The Boyfriend was all like “I didn’t know what you’d want”, I had to be like “I’ve told you a ton of things that I wanted”, he says “Like what?”, so naturally I started thinking of things. Materials for my home management notebook for one. Though I automatically hated this idea, because it’s just a big fat reminder that I haven’t done anything more with the whole idea.

So I spent the better majority of the morning-afternoon, being bored and thinking about how much I wish I could’ve been playing a Wii. Oh well, beggars can’t be choosers. Patience is a virtue. Blah blah blah…

Kaeidyn, Kenzie and Keirnan went to American’s and English’s tonight with Alfie, and The Boyfriend was sleeping, so Carter and I hung out on the couch for a few hours tonight. He barely slept at all the entire time, and was mostly in a good mood. He was very talkative. And I would talk back, and use my real laugh instead of my fake laugh when he would smile really big.

The Boyfriend woke up around nine, and Carter was awake and talkative, and started experimenting with his laugh. He’s coo, and then he’d get kind of loud. Then he’d hold his breath and let out with this puff of coo. He kept doing it over and over, like he was practicing laughing. It’s amazing how fast he’s growing up.

An acquaintance of mine, a great friend of Alfie’s, came over today. He hadn’t seen Carter since he was born. Right away, he commented on how huge Carter’s gotten. All the other kids took awhile to “grow up”. They were all premature and had no desire to be older than their age.

Kaeidyn, born 4 weeks premature, started rolling over and crawling around 5 months. She started walking at 9 1/2 months. Kenzie, who was technically born full term, 2 weeks before my due date, was about the same as Kaeidyn. He started walking later, closer to a year for him. Keirnan, born 7 weeks premature, started rolling over and crawling around 6 months and walking around 10 or 11 months. Carter is rolling over and crawling at 3 months (started at 2…)! He’s also teething alot sooner than the other three. They all started about the same time they started crawling.

Does anyone else seriously miss their babies being babies? I never experienced this with any of the other kids. But every time I look at Carter, I just keep thinking about my babies when they were babies, or more babies than what they are now.

If I could go back and re-do it all, I would in a heartbeat. I’d love to experience the whole trauma with Kaeidyn’s birth and the months that followed again, except for I’d like to deal with alot of the things that happened during that time differently. I’d kill to have my pre-Kenzie body back and the energy that I felt after having him. I’d go back to when Keirnan was in the hospital, and I’d spend more time with him, nurturing and caring for him.

I wasn’t present for the other kids like I am with Carter. Life was so hectic and crazy during those times. I almost feel bad when I give Carter all this love and attention that he gets, when the other kids didn’t get that when they were that age. With Kaeidyn, I went through a horrible bout of postpartum depression, plus I had had the infected c-section incision that lasted close to the first month she was home. I didn’t hold her as often as I could’ve, I didn’t play with her as much as I should’ve, I didn’t say “I love you” to her every single day. I regret that…

With Kenzie, I was caught up in boys and my version of partying (which trust me, is probably nothing in comparison to most people’s version of partying). He got alot more than Kaeidyn did, as I had spent two very serious weeks in a mental institution at the beginning of the pregnancy, and had much more control over alot of my emotions. Him and I bonded right from the second he was born, though as he got older, we’ve just kind of drifted apart. He’s too into his games right now (seriously thinking about putting a stop to the whole gaming thing for him for awhile), and I’m just not that into games.

Keirnan was in the hospital for the first month of his life, and I was living in a hotel with the two other kids. Mama T worked full-time, Alfie was out of town and I had no one else to rely on to watch the older kids daily so I could go visit Keirnan. I would go up about every three days, sometimes more. In the first week, it wasn’t that bad. I was only allowed to hold him for 15 minutes a day, I was pumping at home and bringing in bottles of breast milk.

When people started visiting him in the hospital, I would always say “He looks like he’s dead”. He’d be laying there, covered in cords, under his cloth sunglasses (he was under lamps because of his jaundice, which he went in and out of having the whole time he was in the hospital), just barely breathing. I’d reach in and touch him through the holes and he never flinched, never moved. Just laid there.

About 3 weeks in, I cried and cried, for the first time. I hate that I didn’t see him more, and that I didn’t cherish that first month more. I hate that I couldn’t hold him more. Now as he gets older, I wish I had more patience. He’s in that stage of learning to talk, yet having no idea how. He squeals and grunts and points. With Kaeidyn, she picked up on the talking really quickly. As long as she was told to slow down, she could get what she wanted across. Kenzie, I hardly remember what it was like when he started talking. It seemed like one day he couldn’t and the next day he could. Keirnan is just not picking it up at all, and he doesn’t slow down. I’m finding that I don’t do so well during this stage.

I’m glad that I have at least another 10+ years to make up for all the mistakes I made with my kids. At least I have  the rest of my life to tell all the kids “I love you” everyday. And thankfully, even with all the mistakes I made, all my kids are healthy, happy and to me, their amazing. And even though I miss when they were babies, I can’t wait to see what their going to be like when they’re older.

Kaeidyn will most likely have a rotten attitude, just like her mother. I have a feeling that I’m going to go through alot of the same things my Mom went through with me with that girl. Kenzie, if he sticks with this gamer thing, will most likely be tied up in his bedroom, playing games and designing graphics. I could totally see him being a whiny emo kid (oh wait, he already is ;)). With Keirnan, it’s really too soon to tell. He’ll most likely be like Alfie was growing up, except Keirnan will do it better. For every bit of devilish destruction that Alfie participated in, Keirnan will destroy twice as much. Alfie was/is a wannabe ladies man, Keirnan will be a ladies man. I’m hoping one of them will be super musical, maybe it’ll be Carter.

Well I had planned for this to only be a short post, but looks like that plan didn’t turn out as planned 😉 More again tomorrow, only a week and a day left before I’ve officially completed NaBloPoMo!! YAY!!

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We were doing so good
We were making such strides
We had kicked the addiction
We were changing our lives

I don’t want to whine, I really don’t. The Boyfriend and I agreed to a cheat day a couple days back, and bought a pack of smokes. We had both been complaining about wanting a smoke. As I’ve said, it seems harder to not smoke now than it did for the first three weeks. Our cheat pack lasted one day…

So then the next day, we bought another pack which only lasted a day. Today was a two pack day (that were bought, we’ve smoked one so far :() And seriously, I hate it. I want to go back to the way I felt when I wasn’t smoking. I’m still just considering it cheating.

The Boyfriend and I were sitting on the couch, and I said “I think starting Saturday, I’m not buying anymore smokes”, and he goes “Really?” as if he was disappointed. All along, I had thought that he was so upset that I had given in, and that he was loving the quitting. So I say “You want to keep smoking?!?!”,  and he goes “We’re chasing the wagon. I figure as long as we never go over a pack a day.”

It feels like crap. We were doing so very good. Those first three weeks, I was managing any possible cravings I had (put on 7″ in the process, but I blame that partially on quitting but more on breastfeeding), though it wasn’t for the smoke that I was having a craving. It was for the exhale. That’s always been my favourite part of smoking. Exhaling and watching the smoke blow out my mouth, feeling like all the problems are going with it. That, and I love the way I look exhaling 😉 It feels very french retro.

After the first three weeks, it seemed like at least once a day, everyday, I would be seriously craving a smoke. I’d start thinking about it, then I’d start talking about it. Then I started bumming a smoke or two a day off Alfie, and then came the day of the cheat pack…

It just makes me feel really hopeless about all the other goals that I had set for myself, and made me realize how many of those goals I’ve also given up on.

  • Doing dishes everyday.
    The Boyfriend had 3 days off, and I didn’t do more than what was needed for meals every night. So 5 plates, 5 forks, and whatever cookery we used for the meal.
  • Lifting my weight everyday
    I was doing awesome. I think I did a week and a half straight. Then The Boyfriend bought me the stability ball and resistance band (and the vacuum so I could put the stability ball on the floor without fear of it popping), and I haven’t lifted weights a day since. The Boyfriend’s been doing it on and off, even doing push ups and on the days that he doesn’t lift weights, he does 25 presses with Carter whose about 13 pounds.
  • Vacuuming everyday
    I’ve vacuumed twice. Both times were delightful experiences. I just haven’t had an ounce of energy to do it. The kids were doing really good keeping their toys downstairs for about a week, and it was easy to clean the living room then. Now, they’ve started bringing everything up here, and it’s just easier to leave it than clean it!

This week has been a week of disappointments. I had so many plans for this week, and I didn’t accomplish a single one of them. Even The Boyfriend, who works graveyards, and sleeps during the day, got more done than I did.

I had planned to go grocery shopping yesterday, but then we got busy around the house and so I said I would do it today. Today rolled around, and it was cold outside, so I’ve put it off for another day. I finally buckled and called my aunt for a ride downtown to drop all my paperwork off, even though my original plan was to walk down, take a bus back. But I guess I’m too much of a diva for that or something…

I wish it was just easy to become motivated, and be less lazy. You’d think that it would  be so simple. Just get off your butt. For some reason, for alot of reasons maybe, it just seems so hard! I feel very stumped, like I’ve hit a brick wall. I hope I figure something out, I think it’s time for another re-evaluation…

So question: Kenzie’s been out of control with the asking about games. I swear all I really heard from him today was “Can I play a game yet?”, and every single time it got whinier and whinier. At one point, I was sure that only dogs could hear the pitch he was reaching…

Saying “Wait” seemed to work for a better portion of the day. “Just wait a minute, Kenzie” and it would buy us about an hour of silence. Is it horrible to continually tell your kids to wait? It feels like it’s being mean, but “No” causes a horrendous fit, giving in means he’s on the games all day long, wait buys time in between the ever annoying question.

Well time to feed the baby…

Well today was a day to say the least. It felt incredibly long, mostly stressful and a tiny bit exhausting. Even though it was a “No School Day”, (which I swears happens more now than it did when I was in school) the kids were still up at 7:30 this morning. I always hate that, because I wish they would sleep in so bad on days off. Even just until 9 or something. So even though The Boyfriend said he’d wake up with the kids, Carter had woken up and I just chose to get out of bed instead of feeding him until he went back to sleep.

Around noon The Boyfriend went to bed, and Alfie came over shortly after that. The Boyfriend has issues with Alfie, just as Alfie has issues with The Boyfriend, and each of them have justifiable rights to their issues. After The Boyfriend and I’s talk about things last night, we both agreed that it would be best if Alfie had two days a week where he didn’t come over. He used to stay home at least two days a week, but that was also back when he was taking the kids on weekends. He hasn’t done that in a long time.

I’m not 100% sure why, as I often don’t understand Alfie, but he didn’t like this idea of lessening to 5 days a week, as opposed to 7. Threw a mini hissy fit, that I basically ignored. I hate it though, because he can make me feel like I’m taking the kids away from him, even when I’m just setting routine-type rules. Are there any other people who have kids with a guy that you were never married to, and aren’t with anymore, that comes over to your house every single day of the week? Alfie’s response to that, when I said that it’s not normal to have him here everyday of the week, was that it’s not normal to date and have a kid with his friend. I think in comparison, dating your exes friend is a lot more normal than visiting your ex whose with your friend daily!!!

After our mini disagreement, I decided I wanted to go for a nap. Unfortunately, I didn’t sleep a wink. I laid there wide awake for 3 1/2 hours. The Boyfriend was curled up behind me, sleeping away, and Carter was curled right into me, sleeping away. I was laying in the middle very frustrated that I couldn’t seem to sleep. It didn’t help that the three terrors were upstairs jumping off the furniture and that’s all you could hear downstairs.

I woke up and did dishes, which made all three of the kids unhappy, because I wouldn’t let them help. I was very much not in the mood to do dishes at all, but I’ve already skipped a couple days of doing dishes here and there, and I hate that I can’t complete such a simple goal. I’ve been kicking my butt hard about some of these things.

I’ve been trying so hard to get all my goals written out, and you would not believe how hard it is. I keep making these very broad statements about what I want, and I don’t think about the little steps it takes there. My big goal since quitting smoking is to “Get Healthy”. Unfortunately for me, it’s not as simple as just getting healthy. There’s a whole bunch of steps to being healthy, such as eating properly and being physically active. Of course, that just raises more questions than it answers when I haven’t, in my entire life, really been healthy. I don’t know where to begin or where to go from there.

Another goal, “Get your life under control”, that’s a really broad one. There are a thousand goals within that one goal, from creating a routine and sticking to it, to paying off debts, to being more of the mother that I want to be. It’s really difficult to narrow it down into manageable steps. Of course, there’s almost no good places to go for the manageable steps to these goals. It’s to each persons requirements and specifications. To each their own. I don’t know what it’s like to have a life that’s under control, how am I supposed to know what types of steps I need to take to do these things?

The Boyfriend and I have officially opened a can of worms that will not shut. I haven’t yet decided if I like this open can of worms or not, but since our little talk yesterday, it feels like that’s all we’ve been doing. He’s constantly seeking reassurance that I’m not going to break up with him (which is ironic, because I was sure he was going to break up with me). We discovered in all our back and forth rantings that we are stuck in a vicious circle, and it might just end up being this way for the rest of our lives. Maybe this is the vicious circle that all young parents go through, because Alfie and I went through much of the same thing. Except for about 100 times worse.

In the beginning of The Boyfriend and I’s relationship, I made some serious mistakes that will forever affect the course of our relationship. He was the amazing boyfriend and I was the crappy girlfriend. We pushed through that. Now, according to him more than me, he’s the crappy boyfriend and I’m the amazing girlfriend. We’re just getting even. I figure it’ll level out in about 6 months, we’ll spend the next 6 months or so on an even level, where neither of us is good or bad, but instead we’re both just blissful. Then about 3 or 4 months later, we’ll start being crappy girlfriends and boyfriends again.

But the kids fell asleep in my bed, and I’m officially tired, so now it is time for me to move Kaeidyn, Kenzie and Keirnan from one bed to another. and crawl into bed with my grumpy Carter where I will drift off into a peaceful sleep *fingers crossed*.

It’s a Tuesday, so that means it’s The Boyfriend’s first day off. Every single week, since almost the start of our relationship, I’ve told him to sleep on his first day in the morning, so that at night we can be awake together and having a good time after the kids have gone to bed. And every week, almost since the start of our relationship, he says he can handle staying awake all day, “I’ll just drink alot of coffee”, or today, it was “I bought myself a pack of energy drinks and munchies. If I get tired, I’ll just down an energy drink!” He gives me these lines every single week, and every single time I tell him he’ll be asleep by the time the kids are in bed.

Do I know my man, or do I know my man? I can’t even be truly mad at him. It’s this rule that I’ve created for myself. When I was with Alfie, I was constantly whining that because of “this and this” job, I wasn’t getting to see him enough and I missed him. That was a huge mistake. Of course, Alfie took that as, “Miss work today, and then start hating your job and quit it a week later”!

So when I got with The Boyfriend, and he had been working the same job for almost 2 years, and he absolutely loved it, I vowed that no matter how much I hated the time his job took him away from me, it was better to only let him know in small doses and not to the point where he felt guilty for “ditching” me.

I’m reminded almost everyday by Alfie, how much more of a b-with-an-itch I was to him than I am to The Boyfriend. With Alfie, I lived alot in the past. With The Boyfriend, I avoid it. With Alfie, I always had specific instructions for mundane tasks, such as, “Fill up my drink, but can you clean out my glass first?”, even if it was a glass that had only had one drink out of it, but because the kids had finished it off, I just wanted to be sure there was no food there. The Boyfriend on the other hand, has given me glasses of pop that had floaties in it and I just picked them all out.

I do alot of things as differently as I possibly can in The Boyfriend and I’s relationship, than I did with Alfie and I’s relationship. And I’ve grinned through alot of things that, in the past, I would’ve thrown a mini temper tantrum over. I’ve been conducting life in this way for almost a year and a half, and even though you’d think it would piss me off to no end, instead it has somehow made me happier. In a way.

Today’s one of those days when it’s really hard to just grin and bear it. Instead I feel like screaming, “Like seriously, just once could you go to sleep during the day when I’m on the computer all day, and then wake up at night and spend some time with me!!!” And then tomorrow, he’ll sleep in in the morning, and he’ll be up all night and I’ll be exhausted in the worst kind of way and want to go to bed right after the kids do. It’s our perpetual weekly cycle. Have I told you lately that I hate The Boyfriend’s job?!?!?

So tonight was the premiere of American Idol (Season 9!!!). I normally only watch the audition episodes and the Top 3 down to the Finale. You know what I hate about American Idol season, alot of my family watch the show and every year I get the “You should try out for Canadian Idol” thing, so then I seriously think about doing it and every year chicken out. I blame it all on the talent show fiasco. Anywho…

It’s hard to believe that American Idol is still entertaining. I mean I hate alot of things about the show now in comparison to the older shows. I was a Paula Abdul fan (and have been since I heard “Cold Hearted Snake” in my youth), it was still funny to hear Randy call everyone “Dawg” and on almost every occasion, I was right on board with Simon’s quick and witty opinions. Definetely not the same degree of meanness, I have more of a peaceful and calm type opinion.

But more than once tonight, while being angry that The Boyfriend was passing out on the couch (and then waking up randomly every few minutes to apologize – there’s nothing worse than that!), I was caught snickering as the judges squashed contestants dreams as if the dream was a pesky little roach.

A good lesson that we’ve all been being told for years, but that American Idol really makes apparent, is that first impressions are key. Especially in a 35 second audition!!! You want to be memorable, but not THAT memorable.

SO… can you believe I’ve been blogging for almost 2 weeks straight?!?!? Only 2 more to go! And then another 11 months after that to complete my ultimate blogging goal. Though I was saddened on Sunday night, and not a single person signed up for the Mailing List and so I had no one to send a newsletter to. Luckily, for me and everyone else, you can SUBSCRIBE to the Mailing List at anytime, and you’ll receive your update the next Sunday.

I’ve been working really hard this week on goal setting. I’ve barely worked at all on the actual goals, but I’ve been writing everything down, working out the first steps. Alot of my goals can’t have steps following through to completion because alot of the goals really depend on a variety of different factors that may or may not change over the course of the next year or so. After I’m done getting them all organized, they will be viewable on the blog. Like I’ve been saying almost all week, I am working really hard getting the blog stuff done.

Another thought that I had, I need a job. We all know I’ve been talking about creating all these routines in our family. For example, I want to be doing two loads of dishes and laundry a day, or I want a set bedtime and wake up time everyday, I want to workout at the same time everyday, all these things need a sort of routine. I don’t have any type of routine and I haven’t had any type of routine in many years. I’m kind of like a fish out of water when it comes to routines.

I was watching a commercial today, about this woman rushing around taking care of her kids, going to work, doing the grocery shopping, being an all around super woman. I would love to feel that sense of urgency, or even have a reason to get up and go outside more than once a month.

I’d like for there to be more of a reason than “Because I want to”, for me to create a routine and stick to it. “Because I want to” isn’t very strong motivation. And I can’t say that I NEED a routine, because in reality, my life is just fine the way that it is right now. I just think I could make it better. But it’s not a necessity, it’s a desire.

I’m very motivated to do things that are necessary. That if I don’t do, could negatively affect me and my kids and the people I love most. I’m not as motivated to do things that are desires or dreams. I’m not as motivated to do the things that I’m the only one that dreams or desires them either. Oh well, I need to be patient about going back to work. It’s still way too early. Next year, we’ll start looking into school again…

Well I think I’m off to sleep. How do you stay motivated to complete your goals, even without support from a group of people?

What I Learnt:

What is an Elevator Pitch?

“An elevator pitch is an overview of an idea for a product, service, or project. The name reflects the fact that an elevator pitch can be delivered in the time span of an elevator ride (for example, thirty seconds or 100-150 words).”
Wikipedia

RANTS
This is either going to be really easy or really hard. At least it’s 150 words as opposed to 150 characters – the approximate length of a Twitter update (a tweet?!?). I tend to have a pretty difficult time keeping it under that on one or two day-to-day things, let alone a blog full of information over a span of time consisting of more than 48 hours!!!!

On the other hand, if you think about it in the length of an elevator ride, I think that I talk fast enough that I could relay all the information that I needed to about the blog to get someone to read it. Like I said, it’s going to either be really easy or really hard. If only it really were as simple as “A blog about a 23-year-old, stay-at-home Mom of four”.

QUESTIONS: (Please leave me your comments!!)

  1. Have you ever tried to write an elevator pitch?
  2. Do you Twitter (or whatever they call it)?
  3. What do you think of my simple “about this blog” sentence?
  4. Do you like my Elevator Pitch?

Why it’s smart for a Blogger to use:

  • One of the most important reasons to do this exercise is that to develop an elevator pitch YOU as a blogger have thought through and crystallised in your mind what your blog is about.

If you’re fuzzy on what your blog is about it’s unlikely that anyone else will have much of an idea either.

RANTS
This one is a little bit difficult. I mean, I know my blog is about my life as a 23-year-old, stay-at-home Mom of four. I know my blog covers the boring and yet vast categories of my life. From the four kids and the happenings in their life, to the lack of money, to my hopes and dreams for the future and some of the stuff I like to do creatively. The blog is alot like a website, in the sense that it’s a one-stop-shop for everything that is a part of my life.

It’s a little hard to narrow it down into 150 words, though it would be even harder with the Twitter issue. At least I know what it’s about. Hopefully I can pinpoint it in 150 words for other people to know what it’s about 😉

Quotes Are From

31DBBBProblogger’s 31 Days to Build a Better Blog Challenge

  • Once you’ve got one it is brilliant for communicating what your blog is about to readers (both the ones you already have and potential ones), other bloggers, potential partners, media/journalists, advertisers and even to friends and family members who might not get what you’re doing.

RANTS
Did anyone else just get totally excited reading this last quote? I’ve always loved when people wanted to read my journals. One of my favourite memories is my Mom and I sitting there reading my journals from when I was 14 when I first moved into my house. We laughed, we cried, we got into an arguement. It was great fun!

So to think that with the internet, there’s a potential audience of millions to laugh, cry and get into an argument with me, I couldn’t be more excited. It excites me to think about having readers. I’m excited and nervous and jittery. Connecting with other bloggers, nervous about that.

Today’s Task

Take some time out today to develop an elevator pitch for your blog. If you’ve already got one take a few minutes to review and refine it.

Questions and Answers Rant:

Q: Does your blog solve a problem or need?

A: Yes and No. If you’re need is to sit around listen to me rant about my life, then yes it solves a need. If you have a problem with the fact that you simply don’t have enough people already ranting at you, then yes my blog solves a problem. Otherwise, no…

Q: Define your audience

  • Who is your blog for?
  • Who are you attempting to attract?
  • Are you trying to target a specific demographic?

A: My blog is mostly for me. I created it so that I would have a venue to do what it is that I’m best at, and that’s rant. And by ranting, I don’t mean bickering and nagging and getting all up in your grill. I just mean that I tend to carry on, I tend to rant. In writing this, I’m hoping to attract anyone who feels like listening to me.

I don’t really have a target demographic. I want teenagers who are having sex to read this, teenagers who have never considered having kids reading this. I want Moms and Dads of all ages, shapes and sizes reading about the struggles and the triumphs of parenting. I want Grandparents and felines and single people and all people, to read my blog.

My Elevator Pitch

It’s a work-in-progress. Comments are more than welcome!

Problogger suggests making a short version and a long version of your elevator pitch.

Short Version:

The Rantings of a Tortured Mind – The trials and tribulations of a 23-year-old, stay-at-home Mom of four.

RANTS
While I managed to do it with only 21 words!!! And I’d like to let everyone know that I was able to write it as a Twitter update (a tweet?!?), with 33 characters to spare. Woo hoo!!

I feel like I’m leaving myself open to alot of stereotyping and negativity from the short version of my elevator pitch. And I can’t decide for the life of me if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. I also feel like it hardly describes what The Rantings are about. If anything, it’s almost a misrepresentation of what The Rantings are. Or maybe it’s not, I can’t decide. Maybe this will help us:

Long Version:

The Rantings of a Tortured Mind is a blog/website that is maintained and written by me, Valerie Rayne, a 23-year-old, stay-at-home Mom of four whose passions are her kids, her music and her sexuality. The Rantings cover many aspects of my life, from my 5-year-old, 3-year-old, 2-year-old and 2-month-old to songs and stories that I have written to my wants and desires for my life (which will hopefully make me feel accountable to start putting my life into order – the way I want it!).

RANTS
I guess in a way it gets my point across, but are you still left a little confused? Does it make you want to read the blog more or less? Any comments or suggestions are appreciated.

Even though, in seven minutes, it will be January 1st, it’s “Not The 1st Yet”. And even when the clock strikes twelve and it is officially the 1st, I will be in denial and it won’t become the 1st until tomorrow morning, after I wake up. Why is this relevant, you ask. Why does it matter?

I’ve come across two different online 31-day blogging challenges. One of My Goals for 2010 (a sort of New Years’ Resolution, if you will) is to participate in both of these challenges at the same time beginning January 1st, 2010 (even though it is technically now today, I’m not starting until tomorrow ;))

The first challenge I happened upon was

NaBloPoMo
NaBloPoMo
(National Blog Posting Month)

NaBloPoMo is for “People who want to set the habit of blogging by doing it everyday for a month, including weekends, can come here for moral support, inspiration, and the camaraderie that only marathon blogging can provide.”

Not only is NaBloPoMo a great reason to blog everyday (it makes me want to be accountable to my goal, great motivation!), but it’s also great for finding a variety of blogs and letting other people discover your blog.

Tomorrow is my official start day, and I’m hoping I’ll be able to make the 31-day stretch. It’s been a couple of years since I wrote something everyday. Wish me luck!!

Then I happened across Probloggers

31DBBB
31-Days to Build a Better Blog Challenge

As some of you may know, though alot of you may not, I’m coming back from a few years hiatus on blogging. It seems brand new to me. You can do alot more in the blogging world now, than you could back when I had The Old Rantings. I figured this would be a wonderful opportunity to learn.

Another reason I decided to go for this particular challenge is because I have some goals when it comes to blogging, such as how many readers I’d like to have and how many people I’d like subscribing to the mailing list (learn more). I’m betting that I’ll learn a whole heck of alot.

I’ve already begun receiving my daily tasks, and have a basic idea of how the next week or so will go in terms of “absolute daily posts”. So hopefully I’ll learn lots, and post everyday.

Has anyone else participated in either of these challenges? What other challenges do you know of like this? Leave me a comment, or send me an e-mail and let me know.

Look forward to tomorrow for my first 31DBBB/NaBloPoMo post! It’s all about Writing an Elevator Pitch.

Pictures of Family

Merry Christmas

Well, three out of four of the kids, officially leave today. At 2:50 PM, their step-grandma will be here to pick them up and whisk them off to the bus station, where they’ll be on a bus with Alfie and his brother out to Fort Saskatchewan. In this weather, the bus ride to Edmonton will probably be at least 2 hours. Then if “Nanana” (what the kids call Alfie’s Mom)  drives back to Fort Sasketchewan this could be the longest car trip they’ve ever been on.

I told Kaeidyn she had to call me as soon as they got to Nanana’s, luckily she’s learnt her phone number and recited it to me today without pause. She’s been working on the phone number for about a month, and she’s been doing pretty good. The 403 was easy for her and so was the 755, the last four numbers were taking her quite a long time though. She’d get them all in there, but jumbled up. Today, she just spurted it all out. I’m hoping she’ll still remember after her trip, because it makes her feel good when she gets to dial the number. I’m gonna have to remind Alfie that she gets to dial…

So since everyone but The Boyfriend, Carter and I are leaving, as well as the fact that The Boyfriend works Christmas Eve night and Christmas Day night, my plans for Christmas are non-existent. I guess for the most part, I’ll probably sleep. Which will be nice since we’ve all suffered a bit of a 24 hour cold/flu.

I was thinking a little bit this morning about New Years’ Resolutions. Now I’m not one to normally make New Years’ Resolutions, as I’m not usually very motivated to do much of anything. Recently though, The Boyfriend and I both quit smoking. I had been smoking since meeting Alfie, six years ago. I’ve never had the desire to quit, but a couple weeks ago, we had no transportation and the store wouldn’t take the change that we had. We had no choice but to go without smokes. It was suprisingly easier than I had thought.

After going the whole day without smokes, I said that we would just stay quit. We’ve been going off forever about how much money we would save if we quit smoking ($300 a week – don’t ask me how we were spending that much. And definetely don’t ask me how we were spending that much and still affording to pay rent and get groceries, because I seriously don’t know. On paper, it doesn’t work out…), and in the two and a half weeks that we’ve been done for, we’ve saved a pretty penny. Though the only way it’s really noticeable to us is that we still have $20 that normally would be gone, and today would be a day of panic.

So since I view myself as “done smoking”, I figure I had some sort of motivation for doing that. Then this morning, Kaeidyn and I were talking about what was happening with them going out of town and what I would do while they were gone. I told her I’d probably sleep and clean and that when she got home from Nanana’s, she’d have to help me keep the kitchen clean (as that’s the hardest part, next to laundry, for me to keep clean). That started me thinking about all the things I want to do in the New Year.

I’ve always said, if I quit smoking, I’d have a reason to start caring about my health. As long as I was smoking, there was no point to worry about my health, because any problems that I might of had, would be to some degree, a result of the smoking. Now that I consider myself “done smoking”, I can start caring about my health, because there’s a point.

Now while I don’t think I need to lose any weight whatsoever, I would like to tone what I do have. Again, don’t ask me how, but after four kids and having my last one only two months ago (tomorrow is Carter’s “birthday”), I only weigh 136 lbs and I still fit into my size 7 jeans (not that I wear them that often, because I choose comfort over style – for now…). Some days are better than others too. Like today is a good look day, after having my sickness all day yesterday, and not being able to eat anything more than a piece of toast, my stomach is all flat today. That’s what I want, I want a flat stomach and strong arms – my arms being the absolute weakest part on my body. Kaeidyn and Kenzie can lift heavier things than I can!

This is my big issue though. I don’t want to start exercising as long as my eating is as bad as it is. I’m a junk-food junkie. I love things that are deep-fried, and not even good for you things. My freezer is normally more loaded than my fridge, and alot of it isn’t exactly the healthiest stuff in the world. The only vegetable I eat on a regular basis is canned corn. I eat fruits maybe once a year, and I only drink milk when it’s added into other things, like cereal or ice cream, and even then, I eat those things maybe three times a year. I feel like if I exercised with what I ate now, my whole body would become exhausted, and I would probably get dehydrated. Especially when you take into account that the only beverage I drink is Sprite, and prior to that the only beverage I drank was Pepsi – for the last six years…

I want to start with one and then go to the other. I don’t want to start eating healthier and being more active all at the same time. Especially after just quitting smoking. In my head, I could totally do it. In reality, I’d probably end up in the hospital. So now I have to figure out how to work it. It will probably be an After New Years Resolution. Anyone else have After New Years Resolutions?

My only New Years Resolution, and this is only so far, this could easily change, is that I want to start blogging everyday. When I first started thinking about beginning to blog again, I roamed the internet looking at other people’s blogs to see what kind of content they were putting on it. Then in one of my Google searches, I stumbled across National Blog Posting Month:

National Blog Posting Month is the epicenter of daily blogging! People who want to set the habit of blogging by doing it every day for a month, including weekends, can come here for moral support, inspiration, and the camaraderie that only marathon blogging can provide.

So I’ve signed up, and my New Years Resolution is to start blogging everday for a month starting January 1st – and then if I can do the first month, I want to extend it to every month. I wonder if that would be cool or annoying, from both mine and the readers perspective. My other New Years Resolution is to do my dishes once a day, everday! I’ll definetely keep you updated on how it all goes!