Posts Tagged ‘Pain’

I’m so happy it’s a sunny day today. Yesterday was so cold, and the house was so cold (until we turned the oven on…), and today has the potential of being a really nice day. I might even get to kick the kids outside for a bit 😉

So Kaeidyn got her first real slumber party the other night, after we went to see some of The Boyfriend’s family, on a cold and dreary, windy day in the park. Kaeidyn calls me when we’re getting ready to go pick her up, asking if she gets to come home soon. Then when I say yes, she bursts out into tears, “But I don’t want to come home now. I want to spend another night!” She came home…

My housework is getting out of control again, and it sucks because I feel like it wasn’t that long ago that Mama T was here helping out. Laziness, procrastination and soreness throughout my body are being huge hindrances in getting anything done. I think it also has something to do with The Boyfriend being home so often. When he’s around and awake (which happens more and more), I want to spend those moments with him – or at least close to him.

It’s been nice having him around so much. Even though we’ve been going through a little bit of a rough patch, for a whole bunch of reasons (mostly very petty reasons), it’s nice seeing him alot everyday and spending time with him and most importantly sleeping next to him. The only thing that sucks about it at all is that on his days off, he pushes his sleeping limit. He’ll try to stay up for almost the entire three days off, and spends most of it exhausted because of it (and normally the first two days off).

Went to Kaeidyn’s year-end review the other day. She’s doing amazing, and is on the verge of reading, so that’s really exciting. The school wants us to get her hearing checked because she’s still leaving off the “sh” at the end of words. She seems to be okay when she’s copying a person, but in just normal conversation, she’s constantly leaving it out.

I love that I’m the type of parent I always wanted to be when it comes to her year-end reviews. I tear up when I look at her scrapbook and see how much she’s improved. I ask tons of questions when we’re at them, checking to make sure she’s doing good. I’m just hoping one of these days (probably when she’s not only going for half a day), I’ll be one of those parents who gets involved in her schooling more, involved in the school more.

Keirnan’s appointment for getting his teeth pulled is coming up. It’s surprising to me that he hasn’t had more problems with the teeth. Before we went to the dentist, it seemed like every month or two he was getting infections and needing antibiotics. This last little while has been really good. He hasn’t complained about them at all, and only now is he starting to show signs of maybe getting an infection. Luckily, it’s only a few more weeks until they will be out and not causing him a problem.

Carter, my dear, sweet Carter. He has been motoring everywhere. We can’t look away from him for longer than a second before he’s half way across the room. He’s decided he likes to sit at the top of the stairs and yell down them (it echoes quite nicely), so we are often chasing him back to the living room. I don’t understand why we don’t use the safety gate more, other than the fact that I still haven’t even tried to learn how to use it.

Kenzie has been loud, really loud. And constantly hyper. He seems to have energy seeping from every pore in his body and can more often than not be found running about the house, screaming something. Followed, of course, by everyone else in the house going, “Quiet down, Kenzie!”, to which Keirnan normally responds, “No”, his new favorite word.

My body has been giving me all sorts of problems lately. I went for my pelvic ultrasound, and they said everything looked normal and the best they could figure is that it’s the depo causing it. My doctor wants me to start taking the shots every two months instead of every three. I don’t want to go off the depo though, this is the longest I’ve ever been on birth control without missing a day or forgetting to take my pills for a week or two. Even though there’s all these other things that I hate about it, at least it’s keeping me from getting pregnant. I just want to stop bleeding.

My entire body has been filled with pain these last couple of days. From things feeling like their swelling, to joints being stiff, and cramping all up and down my back, my pain is seriously exhausting. My knees and ankles have been really bad these past couple of days. I hate that I’m still so young, but feel so old. I even walk like an old lady.

I’ve been thinking about starting a serious workout regime, especially being that since I haven’t gotten to sleep in past ten in a really long time, it’s been easier and easier for me to wake up early. This morning, I was awake before the kids! I just want to get rid of my baby pooch (which looks like I’m 3 months pregnant on bad days!), and feel comfortable in this skin, because lately, I really really don’t. The only problem (along with almost all the problems in my life) is that I have absolutely no routine of the day. Or at least a very crappy routine.

The Boyfriend and I have been talking about getting some sort of routine in place. Especially where finances are concerned. I hate that we sit around talking about all this stuff, and then never do it. We need to become the kind of people who get up off our butts and just do things. Not the impulsive things we do. I mean, when we say we’re going to create a budget and stick to it, we need to become the type of people who will. Or when we say we’re gonna start working out, that we do.

Well, I think now I’m going to go browse through my local paper and see what jobs I might be able to apply online to (since I haven’t heard back from any of the previous places I applied at). I’m still not taking it very seriously, as I still have another 5 months of maternity leave left. But man, am I desperate to get out of the house more!

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This week has been the longest week of my life. After two or three days of cleaning with Mama T, which didn’t even get done…, I pretty much spent the next two or three days trying to avoid dealing with absolutely anything.

My room and the kids’ sleeping room got nice and clean, even got the carpets shampooed. Even though Mama T went to the laundromat with stuff, I’m still doing loads that weren’t taken. I think I’ve done four in the last two days (stupid dryer…), and I’ve probably got at least ten left to go. That’s even after sorting through all the dirty clothes and just throwing out anything we weren’t keeping.

Today I got a little bit more cleaning done. I can’t wait until the kitchen is clean, I think I’ll be quite please when that happens. Don’t know when it’s going to happen, but it’s got to. I’ve pretty much kissed the concept of keeping my entire house clean goodbye, so for now I’ll just be happy with what I can get.

The weather has been pretty nice around here lately. It’s always a good time of year for me when the weather is nice. Because then the older kids spend most of the day outside. While that means that I’m getting up more often (to check on them), and listening to more whining (as they fight over the bike and the car), it’s a heck of alot quieter on the interior of the house!

Kaeidyn had yet another birthday party to go to today. That’s the third one this year! This time was the movie theater. Again, I didn’t get to take her, but luckily my aunt had no problem getting her there and back. I love that she’s a girly girl who likes to put make up on and play dress up and get her hair done. It forces me to be a little bit more girly.

Kenzie has been a brat these last couple of days. He’s got so much energy and he still doesn’t grasp the limitations of his strength. Today, he had to be completely grounded off of being anywhere near Carter because everytime he’d go near him, Carter would end up getting hurt. He comes to give me a kiss goodnight and bashes his head off my chin. He just rushes about so much, that it’s like he’s not paying attention to anything.

Keirnan seems like he’s been nothing but tears these last couple of days. He always seems to be whining about something. Someone took his toy, it’s too cold, it’s too hot, he’s bored. We had a nice long cuddle at the computer today after Kaeidyn left for her party, he was incredibly upset.

He’s been working hard on the talking thing. If you talk to someone else, like if you’re giving Kenzie heck, he’ll copy every word you say. The only problem is, all those words sound exactly the same. It just sounds like he’s repeating the same word over and over.

Carter, the little devil, is officially on the move, all the time. We can’t get him to stay still if our lives depended on it. He pulls himself up on the furniture with ease, he’s crawling like a crazy fiend, he’s even starting to sit by himself. I’m pretty sure he’s officially saying “Mama” too, it sure sounds like it.

I wish that I would’ve had what I have with him with the other kids. He’ll be in shambles, crying his heart out, and I’ll walk in the room and he hears my voice, and immediately his face lights up – and so does mine. He’s constantly wanting to cuddle me and be held by me, and I’m not even breastfeeding all the time anymore.

I feel differently about him as a baby than I did about the other kids as babies. Yes, I loved them all to death as babies. But I was so in that depressed state, that I never really enjoyed them as babies. I didn’t play with them alot as babies, I didn’t hold them all the time. With Carter, I’m just in this mental state where I can be receptive to him and be giving to him. At least I have that with the older kids now, I just keep thinking I wish I would’ve had it then.

This last week has been trying on my entire being, especially physically and emotionally. I think I have reached over the five mark on the pain scale, ten being the highest. It seems like everyday I discover a new muscle, with it’s aches and pains right behind it. Today, it feels like the muscle that’s used to pull my shoulder blades together, is literally throbbing. When I woke up this morning, and right up until it got dark, it was my feet and ankles. Yesterday, it was all in my knees.

Then to make all matters worse, I’m still freaking bleeding. It’s been six months since I had Carter, and I’ve had maybe a total now of ten days without bleeding, but other than that, bleeding. It seriously can’t be healthy to bleed for six months!!! I need to see my doctor about it, but I fear that it will all be chalked up to the depo, and then I’ll be taken off of that and forced to go to some other method. And so far, this method is working out really well for me.

I’m not one of those people who easily remembers to take a pill everyday. I’ve never used a tampon, so the idea of the Nuva-Ring scares the heck out of me. I’ve been having sex without a condom, since I started having sex, and it doesn’t make any sense to me whatsoever to go back to it, when I’m only having sex with the father of my baby! I think before I think about it too much, I should just call my doctor tomorrow.

Tomorrow… It’s going to be a busy day. I’ve gotta walk Kaeidyn to school in the morning (YAY for Alfie working…), then I absolutely need to call H&R Block about getting my taxes done – which I’m hoping they’ll be able to do even though I don’t have ID (which I need to do something about sometime soon), I need to call a couple other places and hopefully go cash a check tomorrow.

It’s also Kenzie’s birthday tomorrow! He officially turns the big 4. We’ve sort of planned having a party for him on Saturday, though I don’t know exactly what we’re doing or where or what time or who’s coming. All details to figure out this week. It’s hard to believe that Kenzie’s been around for four years, he still seems so young. I’m totally recounting the story of his birth to him tomorrow. “It was a bright, sunny day. Don’t worry, at the end of this story there is great pain and gushes of blood…”

Yesterday, Kaeidyn missed school because of the sudden onset of a cold (probably from running around outside without her jacket on…). Then, Keirnan had a dentist appointment. It’s going to be four months until we can get him in for his teeth. Now, not only will he need to get the top four teeth pulled, he’ll also be getting a cap in an upper back tooth, and a filling on each side on the bottom! It’s also going to cost me almost $200 more than it would’ve if I got it done last year when we had it scheduled for. Darn his runny nose then.

We have been trying Carter on formula constantly these last couple of days. He’s refusing to take it at all. The second you stick the bottle in his mouth, he starts wailing. He won’t take his rice cereal either. The only type of solid food we’ve been able to get him to eat so far is mashed potatoes. The other day we went up to The Boyfriend’s sister’s place for one of her kids’ birthday parties, had a delicious turkey dinner (my all time favourite holiday meal!), and Carter mowed down on mashed potatoes and gravy. But formula and rice cereal, he hates…

I’ve been in an incredible amount of pain these last couple of days, hence the lack of writing. I’m not sure if it’s the way I’m sleeping, or the fact that I’ve been pretty lazy this last little while, but I feel weak and all my muscles are sore and tired. Yesterday, I was spread out on the couch all day, trying to find a comfortable position for my spasming back.

I went to get my depo shot too yesterday (finally!), and the nurse asks, “When was your last period?”, and I say, “Well, I’ve kind of mostly been bleeding since I had Carter, maybe a week in total of not bleeding.”, so she says, “Well, how old is Carter?”, I say, “About 5 months.” So now, I have to make yet another doctor’s appointment and see if I can’t get my hormone levels tested. I considered picking up a pregnancy test the other day, but fear consumed me while we were looking through the isle.

I don’t think I’m pregnant again, if that’s what everyone’s thinking. I mean, there’s an extremely slim possibility, as there is with any girl using birth control as her only form of protection. But I’m pretty positive it’s not pregnant, but I definetely think something might be up. Maybe it’s just a reaction to the depo or because I’m still recovering from pregnancy, but I think something’s not right, because I feel too crappy for everything to be fine.

Mama T finally gets back from B.C. today. So tomorrow, I’ll finally get to go see Goober. Mama T originally asked that I didn’t go see Goober, because he’s convinced when I go out there, he gets to come home. And it most likely wouldn’t be like that. So Mama T was sure that it would upset him. I wasn’t originally gonna listen to Mama T, but when I asked Goober’s social worker about it, he agreed with Mama T. I’ve talked to Goober everyday since he’s been in there, and all he can talk about is wanting to come home. Unfortunately, he doesn’t really have a home to come home to.

He can’t come and live with me, for a variety of reasons. The most prominent two being I don’t have the room for him, and until he’s healthy, he upsets the kids too much. It’s pretty bad when my three-year-old says, “Uncle, stop staring at me.”, or “Uncle, stop talking to yourself.” And Mama T has pretty much said no, because it wasn’t really working out him being over there.

Our greatest hope is that he’ll actually get help. He’s already talking about stopping taking his meds once he gets out, and not seeing a psychiatrist, because he’s really convinced that there’s nothing wrong with him. I think that’s what’s making his doctor’s and social worker most worried. I hope he doesn’t come home, still sick….

Other than that, life around here has been pretty boring the last couple of days. Oh yeah, did I tell you, the kids broke my camera? So here I was all excited about being able to take new pictures since I finally found my camera, and then nope, it’s broken… Oh well, goes on our list of things to buy.

This morning, I woke up and got ready to take Kaeidyn to school.  I had completely forgotten that it was St. Patrick’s Day and that she was supposed to wear green to school today. Fortunately, I had made her wear her camo pants today (which she claims are boy pants, but I don’t care, because she looks adorable in them ;)), which had green in them.

So then I walk her into her classroom, like I do every Wednesday (the only day of the week that I’m in charge of taking her to and from school), and all the shoes on the indoor shoe shelf have all been moved to different spots, which just confused the heck out of her. Then she walked further into her class.

Well apparently, a leprechaun came into the room and trashed it. Markers were flung across the room, chairs at the tables were flipped upside down. This, of course, made Kaeidyn incredibly excited. For the rest of the day, when anything moved from one position to another, it was because of the leprechaun.

It was a gorgeous day here today. Warm enough that I comfortably went outside with a sweater, which is saying alot, being that I’m normally the one whose always cold, even when everyone else is complaining they’re hot. I’ve been going through summer withdrawal mighty hard after the awesome summer we had last year, so immediately I had an urge to go for a walk.

For the first time, in what’s felt like forever, Kaeidyn, Kenzie, Keirnan, Carter, The Boyfriend and I all went to the part. It’s been along time since we’ve been able to leave the house, all at one time, all together (Man, I hope we get a bigger vehicle really soon!). We all went over to Kaeidyn’s school to play at the park, which we’ve been promising her we were going to do forever.

We didn’t stay too long, because the wind picked up about 15 minutes after we left the house, and Carter was only in the Snugli, so it was pretty chilly for him after awhile. I was surprised at how easily all the kids were to get off the park. I told them, “One more time down the slide”, so they each took their turn, and we walked home.

Kaeidyn noticed a messy yard, and tried convincing us all the way home that it was the leprechauns. Then when we got home, the kids got to play outside for quite awhile. Keirnan was the first to come in, complaining of cold hands. I guess that’s what he gets for  playing in the puddles. Kenzie was the next one in. I think he just wanted to take his pants off.

We had him doing so good, wearing underwear or pants. Now though, it’s almost impossible. He’s also constantly grabbing at himself, like it’s a newly discovered toy. I don’t want to scare him away from touching himself, so we tell him to go downstairs to his bedroom or the bathroom to play with himself, because that’s just what you do. He’ll normally get upset when he’s told this, and I’m not sure why.

Kaeidyn stayed outside the longest, because she’s met a couple kids on the street that she likes. I’m personally, not fond of many of the kids on our street. We had the cops come to talk to all the kids that were out on the street, not paying attention to oncoming cars. Today, some little kid was swinging a stick around in the middle of the street trying to smash snow piles, and a van came up behind him and was waiting forever, even after honking, for him to move out of the street. And a bunch of the kids are like that.

I’ve had the kids from this street dig holes in my yard, draw on my house, and throw pine cones at the car. And frankly, I’m getting quite sick of it. The good thing though, is that my kids know to stay in the yard. They get one warning after stepping one foot off the sidewalk in front of the house.

Keirnan was talking up a storm today on our walk, asking questions, telling us what he was doing. He saw a school bus and started yelling out bus clear as day. As a mom, I’m always wanting my kids to grow up and become independent. With Keirnan, I’m always like, “I wish he would hurry up and talk already”, with Carter, “I can’t wait until he starts crawling”. Kaeidyn is was walking and Kenzie it was talking to (because he had the annoying “eh, eh” thing that Keirnan’s just starting to get out of). Then it happens, and I’m all like, “Oh, my babies are growing up so fast. Why can’t they just be babies again?” I guess it’s just another one of those vicious circles.

I’ve spent the last two days pretty much curled up on the couch watching TV, because I’ve been in an incredible amount of pain. The pharmacist warned me that the pills I’m on could cause me to have some stomach upset. The last two days, all my stomach upset has been right underneath of my ribs, much like the pain I had when I passed gallstones (or at least, that’s the best the doctor’s could figure), just much milder. Then, to top that all off, my knees, back and neck are all hurting as bad as they did when I was pregnant with Carter. I wanna blame it on the meds…

Well, Carter’s awake, so I better go and feed him. I think I caught up on everything I had planned to 😉

Today, Carter and I had a doctor’s appointment. It went pretty well. Carter is doing great, though he dropped from being in the 80th percentile in his weight, down to the 25th percentile. I knew he wasn’t gaining much from my breast milk alone.

At first I was disappointed to hear it, especially being that I think he feels ridiculously heavy. I have a hard time holding him for the length of a breastfeeding, because I think he’s so heavy. But since his last appointment at about 2 months, he’s only gained 2 lbs. So the doctor suggested we try out some solids and maybe start supplementing with formula. I was disappointed, but then I thought about the fact that I’ve been breastfeeding for five months, and only breastfeeding. The only other kid I breastfed for any length of time was Kenzie and that was just a little over a month.

I got my depo prescription filled, and now have to go get that injected. Complained about the pain in my knee, which keeps coming and going. When I was pregnant, it hurt all the time. Now, it goes in and out of hurting. So I got an x-ray, though it showed nothing, so I got an oral and topical anti-inflammatory. Then I mentioned the sketchiness at night, and was given some Ativan.

I know I’ve heard about Ativan, though I can’t remember much about it. The doctor knows that I’m breastfeeding, though the warning says not to use it while you’re breastfeeding. So before I start taking that one, I’ll be calling my local pharmacist. I’ve been “seeing” the same pharmacist (in a very informal manner) since I moved here. He’s a great pharmacist. He describes each medication in detail, lists off commonly reported side effects, and has the answers to my sometimes obvious answered questions. I just realized, that I don’t even know his name… I just know he’s the pharmacist at Wal-Mart 😉

The other day, we whipped out the electric razor, and now Keirnan has no hair (yes, we even got rid of his little rat tail that he’s had since birth!), Kenzie has much shorter hair, though his needs a touch up because he kept jumping all over the place. And Kaeidyn was jealous that the boys got their hair cut with the razor, so I cut her bangs with it. They all look so different when they get their hair cut. Kenzie especially. He looks much more skinny with less hair on his head 😉

Keirnan said his first full and very clear sentence today. “What’s this movie?” was the question he blurted out at Alfie. I couldn’t believe how clear it was. I believe completely that Keirnan can talk, he just doesn’t want to. He knows if he doesn’t, his sister or brother will step in and talk for him. The Boyfriend says he was the same way growing up. And that makes me think that I applaud any woman in the entire world, who raises boys without a man around. Because I would be completely lost!

Kenzie has been playing less and less games it seems. And it almost seems like it’s happened completely naturally. He doesn’t like being secluded away from everyone so much. If I fall asleep on the couch while Kaeidyn’s at school, then he’ll play the Wii. But other than that, he asks about them still, but hardly ever plays them. It’s been really good.

I’ve been feeling overwhelmed these last couple of days, though still in really good spirits. The messes in the house keep piling up and seem harder and harder to maintain (especially with how tired I’ve been these last couple of days), the kids seem to be getting louder and louder (especially Carter who seems to only cry and eat and sleep!) and even though I’m hardly doing anything, by the end of the day I feel tired and sore and stressed about the day to come.

I was also disappointed today at the doctor’s, when I stepped upon the scale and it creeped past the 136 lbs I was the last time I weighed myself. I won’t tell you where it’s at, because I’m still in denial, but I will tell you that I’m absolutely not happy with it. I need to start doing more cardio and ab workouts and get rid of my baby pooch…