Posts Tagged ‘Money’

So over the last couple of days, I’ve applied for three jobs and called about going back to school to get my GED, and then hopefully eventually I’ll be able to find out more about RDC’s Multimedia Web Design Certificate, which would be so awesome.

First of all, I’ve been craving getting out of the house, and I would love it even more if I was making money doing it. I felt so pathetic applying for the jobs. I’ve decided for now to only apply online, and in about a month or so start hitting the pavement. But I haven’t had a serious job since I was 16, and then after that everything was so short and so few and far between that my resume just sucked.

I filled out applications for Tim Hortons and Save-on-Foods and I probably looked like a good candidate right up until my employment history. I couldn’t even remember what year it was my last job was. Luckily, I had e-mailed myself a resume a couple years back (that I saved) and so I was able to actually find out.

It’s so intimidating honestly to be looking for work again. I feel like I’m not qualified to do any of these things. Even just making coffee. The pace is really what worries me. At home, it’s so laid back and nothing is rushed, if I don’t get it done I don’t get it done. Whereas out in the real world, time is money, which is everything. I remember the last serious job I had, at McDonalds, was always incredibly rushed. I was younger and more energetic back then and I found the pace daunting. Imagine what it’s going to be like now. I’ll probably cry.

What’s most surprising to me though, is that even though I’m scared as hell about the entire school/work thing, I’m more determined at this moment to do something other than what I’m doing, that it’s a possibility that it could happen. And honestly, it’s perfect timing. The Boyfriend’s on part-time, so me working part-time is absolutely no problem at all. And it will give me time to transition to full-time.

Honestly, I’d rather go to school than work, but taking out a student loan and grant to go for Unit Clerk a couple years back (and then dropping out because I had no one to watch the kids, so I could go to school), has made it an incredibly stressful task. Even just applying for it is nerve-racking for me, because I just see that student loan coming to bite me in the ass over and over again. You’re mistakes always come back to haunt you.

But the GED program is government funded, I can get my high school equivalency, that way I don’t look like some loser drop out. And then maybe next year, really try to get into this Web Design thing. The GED is way more scary than the web design thing to me, because the GED includes things like math, which I’m horrible at. I still use my fingers regularly to add simple numbers!!!

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These last couple of days have been full of emotions for me. From stressed to happy, and annoyed to giddy. The kids have all been pretty rotten these last couple of days. Kaeidyn’s been whiny and bossy, and learning too much, too young. And I never thought I’d be one of those parents who ever said that.

But when Kaeidyn came in from playing outside today, telling me about a kid right around her age, telling her that they had a girlfriend that they slept with and made out with (making out for Kaeidyn is sex), I changed my mind completely. I don’t have an issue talking to her about sex at all, but I don’t like other people talking to her about sex. I don’t like that I wasn’t around to explain it to her or anything. And of course, when she brought it up, I was just so taken aback by the fact that a kid her age was bragging about making out with another kid her age, that I didn’t even respond at first. I just kind of sat there with my mouth open.

She got her hair curled last night, and she went to school with ringlets. Man, does my kid ever look cute with curly hair. I wish I could make it like that forever. It’s going to be interesting to see what it looks like tomorrow. Even though she’s got my hair, she holds a curl way better than I do…

She’s been repeating the beginning of her sentences alot lately. Just over and over again, she’ll say the same four or five words, and then after a few times of saying it, she finally blurts out the rest of the sentence. She sounds alot like Goober did when he was younger. Alfie’s convinced that she only does it around us, because he’s never heard her do it outside of the house. I think at the next parent/teacher conference, I’m gonna ask if the speech therapist has noticed anything.

We’ve finally reached a successful note with the formula, so far. It was being so hard, and now it just suddenly seems easy. For some reason, he won’t take the bottle from The Boyfriend as long as I’m around. The best part is, is that he’s already holding the bottle. I still breastfeed him at night and a few times during the day. But I’ve been trying increasing the amount of formula he’s having everyday.

The first couple of days of more than 2 oz. of formula, he was puking it up every single time he was fed. Now though, we’ve had almost two days of no puking. It doesn’t seem to really be helping his sleeping that much, but it’s definitely nice for me. We’ve made a new discovery with him too. He likes to sleep with a blanket covering his face. The other day, he got underneath of the blanket, and fell asleep. Now, he almost insists on it. If it’s not a blanket, it’s his arm over his eyes.

He’s been moving alot too. You can’t leave him alone for any length of time, because he’s moving so much. We had to buy a baby gate to make sure he doesn’t crawl down the stairs. He keeps pulling himself up on the furniture, and today he finally figured out how to get down from the standing at the furniture position without hurting himself. He is growing up way too fast.

The Boyfriend got me to print up pictures of Carter for him for work tonight. He does it every couple of months. Of course, we haven’t been able to get new pictures because my camera broke, but he took a bunch of old ones. It’s just amazing to me that at one time, he was just a little baby, and now…

Keirnan and Kenzie have been, well, Keirnan and Kenzie. They’ve been noisy, rough and whiny. Keirnan’s having such a hard time with the talking, and I still seem to be the only one who understands him. He also seems to be having a hard time comprehending simple instructions, like today when they were all getting ready to go outside, he was told to grab a pair of socks and his shoes. Well, he went and grabbed his jacket instead. After much pointing and some repeating, probably ten minutes passed and he finally grabbed socks and A shoe.

Kenzie has been trying to help out with Carter constantly, from moving him back to the blanket to holding his bottle. Problem is, Kenzie still hasn’t really gotten control of his strength and doesn’t really know his limitations. Without meaning to, he’s been pretty rough these last couple of days. I feel like I’m constantly saying to him, “Be gentle”, and it feels like he’s just not getting it.

The Boyfriend goes down to part-time starting Monday. There is a big part of me that is filled with this great joy knowing that he’s gonna be around more often. Not only to help out with the handful of kids, but also to keep me company. But there’s another part of me that is worried as hell.

If we were smarter with our money, I wouldn’t be so concerned. But we’re not very smart with our money. As it is, with him working full-time, I feel like we’re barely scraping by month to month. I feel like, financially, this couldn’t have come at a worse time. As long as, if it does get too rough financially, we’re both prepared to do something about it, I think it’ll be okay. But I’ve been stressed about it. He’s just so excited to get to be with Carter more often, that he’s not to the point of stressing about it yet.

I’m hoping, with him having more days off, and being around more often, we might actually get this house sort of clean. It seems like everyday, I make this list and I say, “I’m gonna clean this and that”, and everyday, it never happens. Today I started to clean the living room, by organizing the entertainment stand (which normally gives me a boost of energy for cleaning), but then I screwed up on the alphabetical organization, and that was the end of my cleaning… At least I’ve been getting some laundry done.

I wish that Carter would stop crying. I wish that he’d let me put him down. I feel permanently attached to him today, except for earlier when he was happy playing on floor. From that, his knees are all red and almost look like he’s starting to get rug burn.

We had one successful feeding with the formula, and now he’s back to refusing to take it. He seems to be getting distracted from feeding altogether and only really takes well to my breast now when I’m laying down. And I can’t, nor do I want to, lay down all the time!

All the kids have been testing my annoyance levels all day today. Kaeidyn’s been hungry literally all day, I think it’s time for another growth spurt. After cereal this morning, within half an hour she was asking for a snack. Even after she got her snack, she kept asking for more food. Lunch came around, and she downed her lunch and then asked for a snack immediately after. She had two snacks before dinner, mowed down on dinner and is now having yet another snack before bed.

They all seem to be extremely whiny lately too. Especially the boys. I feel bad saying it, but honestly Kenzie’s voice right now is just about the most annoying thing ever. Even when he’s happy, he has a piercing, whiny twang to his voice that automatically causes my temples to pulse. It doesn’t help that he is completely unaware of the volume of his whiny twang, so it seems like every time he opens his mouth, he’s being told to quiet down.

Keirnan’s been crying constantly and seems to cause himself at least two wounds a day. I don’t know if it’s clumsiness as much as it is carelessness. He hits his head off things, even though he ducks when he thinks it’s going to hit him in the head. Somehow manages to hit the table, the counter and the doorknobs constantly. Instead of walking over or picking up a toy, he’ll just step right on it. Which results in a bout of relentless tears and his intense squealing which just about drives me over the edge every time he does it.

I’ve been doing things to try to squander the whininess as much possible, like I used to be able to do. For instance, I let them play outside constantly. Usually when they get fresh air, they become exhausted and pretty much quiet. Now though, it almost seems to make them grumpier. Or giving them a drink. Usually after they’ve had a drink, they don’t whine as much. They’ll sit quietly and drink their drink. Lately, they get a drink and then they all seem to get out of control.

I think that’s the biggest reason why it’s reached this point of overwhelming annoyance. Everything about life right now is completely out of control. The condition of my house is out of control, my finances are out of control, the kids are out of control, the list goes on and on….

I finally and unexpectedly vacuumed the living room, which has been on my to do list for way too long. I was working away on the computer and then I got up to grab a piece of paper that Kaeidyn had left on the ground from Carter, and next thing you know, I’m tidying the floor and vacuuming it. Even though you can hardly tell now, but it’s the thought that counts.

Talked to my landlord today, and this load limiter thing is just a ridiculous thing. Now my landlord wants me to call them back and if they say it’s his responsibility again, he’s gonna call and deal with it, so that I end up having to pay the last eight months of arrears. The thing that pisses me off about it, isn’t that I have to pay that money. It’s that I wish I would’ve known that something was up with my power and I don’t know whose fault it actually was, the providers or the landlords. Plus it pisses me off, because eight months of arrears is not going to come cheap, and right now money is so tight that it will probably take me another eight months just to pay the arrears. And then I’ll have eight more months of arrears to start paying and I’ll be stuck in a horrible and vicious circle.

The Boyfriend has been looking into going down to part-time. Financially speaking, it’s completely inconvenient and couldn’t have possibly come at a worse time. But it’s also killing him in all sorts of ways to continue on like this. If it weren’t graveyard and if he could get some proper sleep, it wouldn’t be that bad. Unfortunately, it’s just not working out and when almost everyday he’s talking about hating his job, how could I possibly not support him on something that could change his physical, mental and emotional status – and for the better.

And if he goes down to part-time, then I can possibly start a part-time job. That would make me ecstatic. I’ve been craving going back to work for years, and it seems the longer I don’t work, the more I want to. Obviously I couldn’t work for long hours or anything, because Carter’s only willing to do rice cereal once a day. But if I could work it around his feedings, maybe during his afternoon nap, I could get away with anywhere from 2 -4 hours of work a couple of times a week.

Ooo I am incredibly angered right now. So about four or five days ago, a load limiter was placed on our electricity. Turning on the oven or the heat while having say, the computer or the TV on would make the power shut off and then we’d have to run out to the meter and push a button to get it to come back on.

So today, cash in hand, I call about paying what I need to pay to get the load limiter removed. First, I call my original service provider, they tell me to call another number (which ended up not being the number I needed) and eventually, I land at another electricity provider. After going through all the steps to set up an account, they tell me I’ll have to call my landlord and get them to call the provider.

Well currently, I’m kind of in between landlords. Originally L&L and were my landlords, then sometime after that (without warning), C became my landlord. Then C and her husband got divorced and he became my landlord. I don’t even know C’s exes name, let alone his phone number. So I call C and she calls the electricity provider. Calls me back and says that they’ll need the arrears of the last eight months paid for.

So I call the provider back, and they tell me that they can’t give me any information about the arrears owed, that it’s the landlords responsibility and I’ll have to call the landlord to get it worked out. So even though I spent over and hour and a half on the phone, I’ve accomplished absolutely nothing.

I was on one provider, and when you’re bill gets over a certain amount they cancel your electricity and apparently send the information to this other provider, who then contacts the owner. It’s then the owner’s responsibility to pay the bill or get the tenant to contact the provider. Since that never happened, I have eight months in arrears with an electricity company that I didn’t even know I was using!!!

Then to top it all off, the kids are being whiny and noisy and Carter seems to be sleeping less and less. I’m just in a generally pissy mood right now. Everything is annoying me. And The Boyfriend has to go back to work tonight…

Today is being a bad day and I’ve only been awake for about half an hour. After letting The Boyfriend sleep almost everyday he’s had off, for the past long while, until whenever he wakes up or at least until noon, he finally let me have a sleep in day where he actually stayed awake with the kids.

Problems with this whole thing. He came and woke me up at 9:30 AM, I was exhausted and didn’t get out of bed. This probably made him a little angry because he was hoping to be in bed by 10 AM. But I don’t count 9:30 as sleeping in, when most mornings when Kaeidyn doesn’t have school, I stay in bed until 9:30 anyways!

I got out of bed at 11:30, he didn’t say a single word to me, until half an hour later when he decided he was going to bed. He gets up, comes over to me, “I’m going to sleep”, kisses me on the top of the head and heads downstairs.

This graveyard bullshit is seriously starting to hurt our relationship. I hate hate hate that he gets to sleep pretty much all day long, and I almost never get to sleep in. And when I do, he manages without even trying, to make me feel guiltier than sin for sleeping past 10 AM when he wants to go to sleep.

I don’t even know. I’m sick of being given the silent treatment every time I didn’t do exactly as he had planned. If I have Alfie over after he goes to work, I get the cold shoulder the whole day. If I sleep in too late, I don’t get spoken to.

I’m too mad to even be happy about the fact that he spent this morning cleaning the kitchen floor, a job that I’ve been avoiding. It’s just been really rough for me and I’m not sure why.

I keep thinking about how when we first started dating, he’d play with the kids. He made them an entire fort and suits of armor  out of cardboard so that they could all play with the Nerf guns he bought them. He used to wrestle all the time with Kenzie.

Now I feel like all he ever does is lecture or argue with the kids. I just get this incredible feeling that he’s no longer interested in my kids, and any feelings he may have had for them (which in the beginning, I was sure he had alot) are now all gone.

Days like to today make me feel like the whole world is just taking advantage of me. I don’t even know how to explain that more at this point. It’s like with Alfie and Goober, they come here and smoke all my smokes (or at least constantly ask if they can have some), they eat at least one meal a day here, they drink my Sprite, they use up electricity on the games and computer – and I don’t see a single cent from them.

Even The Boyfriend, when he gets paid, even though he’s eating here and sharing in all the other habits we have formed, he’ll buy games before helping out with bills or rent. I have to tell him to pick up groceries, he won’t just do it himself. I’m getting sick of taking care of three grown men and four young kids! I’m only one woman!

You know what else is annoying about WordPress? How many freaking spam comments I get. This blog has only been actively going for a month, and I’ve already got 68 spam comments!!!! That’s ridiculous.

Today was an incredibly long day. Mostly a good day, but incredibly long. I got to sleep in a bit this morning, which was really wonderful. The Boyfriend stayed up super late, only got about 4 1/2 hours of sleep before work, but it was nice spending almost all day together.

Alfie’s Step-Mom, American, came over today. It was a pretty good visit, good conversation. The only part that yanked my chain a bit (yanked The Boyfriend’s a whole lot more) was when she asked how Alfie got along with Carter. I said “Fine, he basically ignores him”, and she goes and says that she plans to have Carter come along to Christmas’ and other holidays with the kids. While a part of me thinks it’s sweet, a bigger part of me thinks it’s damn wrong.

No way in hell is Alfie taking mine and The Boyfriend’s son over there! Alfie doesn’t want Kaeidyn, Kenzie or Keirnan having anything to do with The Boyfriend’s family, Carter doesn’t need to have anything to do with Alfie’s family. I just nodded and smiled, not wanting to start anything. The Boyfriend was not impressed and after the visit told me that it wasn’t going to happen, ever. I agreed with him completely.

Alfie was “entertaining” a girl this weekend, and yesterday didn’t call the kids. Then today tried to lie and say he was with his Dad all day and that’s why he didn’t come over until dinner time, though I already knew he wasn’t with his Dad because American had told me that they weren’t together. I hate how the kids’ go on the back burner because there’s a chance Alfie could get laid. I wish that he could get his priorities straight. And it better not become a regular thing. This time, I’m letting it go. Next time, I won’t.

I’m not looking forward to much of this week at all. Tomorrow, I’m taking Keirnan to the walk-in clinic to get antibiotics for his teeth. Luckily he does really good with doctors and doesn’t mind when they poke and prod him. I, unfortunately, don’t do so well. Especially with the teeth thing. I always think doctors and dentists are judging my parenting abilities based on the condition of his teeth.

Then on Tuesday, even though YAY it’s The Boyfriend’s day off, sadly I have to go see a Child Support Worker to update all our information. I’m not looking forward to it at all. I always said to Alfie, I never wanted his money, I just wanted him there for the kids. Then when we broke up, I went on Income Support (welfare), and we had to go see a child support worker. At that time, Alfie and I weren’t speaking to each other, and I wasn’t getting any child support from him. Since I was on IS, I had to be receiving child support from him.

When his court date came around, he claimed that he had never been served papers, and so he never showed for the court date. So they sent the file off to the Family Maintenance Enforcement Program, and now he’s been getting charged for that. And the only time he paid it was when he was on EI (Employment Insurance), and that was only because it was automatically deducted from his check. So now we have to go back in, add Keirnan to his support, and then let them know that The Boyfriend is paying me support and doesn’t need to go through FMEP. I can’t wait for Wednesday, when all this crap will be over.

I found my camera today!! YAY!!! So hopefully in the next couple of days, I’ll have some pictures up. Tomorrow is officially my last NaBloPoMo day. Thinking about doing it again in February, but I’m not guaranteeing anything. Especially being that the official start day for The XXX Rated Rantings is February 3rd. The first WTMFI Wednesdays is already written out and scheduled to go! I’m so excited, I think it could end up being really good. I know I’ve enjoyed coming up with the questions, and I’m more than curious to see everyone’s answers.