Posts Tagged ‘Lazy’

So I’ve been incredibly lazy these last couple of days, and yet not so lazy all at the same time. I haven’t gotten any cleaning done around the house, I keep making The Boyfriend walk Kaeidyn to school, and I’ve been making him do the laundry and the cooking. He’s been wonderful and just picks up all the slack and hardly complains about it at all.

I’ve been feeling very weak and tired and sore lately. I got out of bed today and all I wanted to do was go back to sleep. I was trying so hard to stay awake on the couch, but I kept dozing off. Again, The Boyfriend was a sweetheart and let me go back to sleep until I had to go pick Kaeidyn up from school.

Then Mama T came over, and the kids suckered her in to letting us go over there. Had a super delicious barbecued pork supper with corn on the cob. It really is my most favorite vegetable in the world. Mama T had four cobs, and a can of corn. The cobs were meant for us adults, but the kids weren’t having that and shared with Mama T and Chef, and then devoured what wasn’t finished on mine and The Boyfriend’s.

Yesterday or maybe the day before, we were convinced Carter had chicken pox. He woke up and his entire chest and back and up his neck was covered in these little red dots. Had them in his armpits, diaper line, everywhere but his legs and arms. Then we went to sleep and when we woke up they were almost gone, but by the afternoon they were back with a vengeance and had multiplied.

Today, you can hardly tell at all. He has a cold, but that’s it. We’re thinking it might be a bit of heat rash mixed with the crawling on the carpet. It seems to get worse when it’s warmer in the house. I’ve made a doctor’s appointment for tomorrow and we’re getting that and his mark on his foot. He’s had it since we brought him home from the hospital, and we’re chalking it up to a birth mark. But it’s gotten darker and I just want to get it checked out, being that it hasn’t been there since he was born.

Kaeidyn’s year-end review is coming up in a couple weeks. I’m excited to see how much she’s improved. I don’t know how the whole transition from Kindergarten to Grade 1 goes, so we’ll be discussing that too. The Boyfriend and I have been in charge of walking her to school everyday this week, though I think only once did I take her to school. She even prefers The Boyfriend walking her to school, and most days when I go pick her up from school, she sees me and excitedly yells, “Mommy” and then gives me a quizzical look and says, “Why couldn’t The Boyfriend come pick me up?”.

Keirnan officially has more than one word in his vocabulary. It’s still mostly just understanding him through pointing. “Airplane” and “Bicycle” are now his two favorite words, and as we’re driving or walking or sitting in the house, if he sees or hears these things, he screams the word out with delight. I hate this point in the talking game, because it’s the most frustrating part. They know what they want, and they’re trying to say it, and you’re trying to understand but you can’t, and they’re saying it over and over and getting more and more frustrated by the fact that you can’t understand them and you’re getting more and more frustrated, and it’s just terribly stressful.

Kenzie has been violent and whiny these last couple of days. Violent with Carter especially. I feel like I’m always telling him to stop hitting or, “Don’t you punch your brother!!” and then when he gets in trouble, his voice goes to this girly pitch and he whines at you, and if you get upset at him for whining, he starts crying. It seems like we’re discovering that Kaeidyn, Kenzie and Keirnan are becoming more and more like their father everyday!

Carter’s got a front tooth breaking through, plus he’s been sick, so he’s been a grumpy guy these last couple of days. Mostly at night it seems. During the day we can still get him to laugh and smile, but once night hits all he wants to do is cuddle and eat. He’s so squeaky right now thanks to his cold, and it reminds me so much of the first couple of days in the hospital after he was born, and every time he’d cry, he’d squeak. It’s a constant reminder that he’s growing up so fast!

I’ve thrown out another couple of resumes, and so far no response back. But I don’t expect to hear anything for at least two weeks. I’m hoping a job isn’t going to kill my body. I can’t even regularly take showers because it’s too much for my knees to bare, imagine standing on my feet for eight hours!!  But I think that determination will see me through.

Well I guess that’s all for now. For those of you who haven’t yet, you can keep updated on all the blogs and sites that I write and maintain at The Rantings Network Headquarters. Also follow me on Twitter!

I seriously think my brother comes over to my house, just to piss me off. For the last three days, everytime he comes over here, he ends up getting kicked out. And half the time he ignores me until I start getting really angry.

He sits there staring at everybody, and Kaeidyn gets right mad at him for that. And then he talks to himself constantly. He’ll laugh out of nowhere, and it’s extremely annoying. Kaeidyn gets so mad at him and tells him to stop talking to himself. He gets told a thousand times to go back to Mama T’s house if he’s gonna act like that around here.

Everyday, it’s the same thing with him. He comes over here and spends the first hour staring at everyone, and being told to stop staring. So then he’ll stop, and then he starts talking to himself. I never go more than the fifth time of telling him to stop before I kick him out.

I wish that he would go get help so bad. Firstly, because I know he’s suffering. But mostly, it’s because I don’t want this burden anymore. I’m sick of him getting dumped on me, and then being too stubborn to admit anything’s wrong long enough to go get some decent help. Instead, he’s gonna stay in this state, and I’m getting to that point of wanting to tell him he’s not welcome here anymore. I don’t want someone around me, who so obviously has issues, and isn’t willing to do anything at all about it.

I’ve been having a couple super lazy days these last two or three days. I literally get up and find Kaeidyn’s clothes, and then fall asleep on the couch until it’s time to go pick her up. I’ve been completely exhausted, and I don’t even understand how. It’s not like I’ve been doing that much really. Working online alot, but other than that, dishes… But for some reason, I am always tired and always wanting to sleep.

The kids have all been doing really good. Kenzie’s started to get bored of playing games by himself all day. Good thing is, he’s playing alot less. Bad thing is, he’s constantly trying to talk people into playing games with him. Keirnan is still as much of a brat as he ever was. Getting into things all the time, the dishes is still his biggest one. At least three times a day, we’re kicking him out of the kitchen. He’s trying so hard to start talking, and so far, it’s not really working out for him.

Kaeidyn is going to get her ears pierced tomorrow (or at least that’s the plan so far!). I wanted to get them pierced when she was just a baby, but almost everyone else was against that, and it cost more when she was younger. Alfie and I are taking her to pick up her earrings tomorrow, and she’s super excited about it.

Carter and The Boyfriend have both been doing good. Carter’s been mostly happy, and wants to be moving so much more than he is. We have to watch him like hawks anywhere we put him now, because he motors so fast. He’s decided he likes falling off of the end of the couch, into a pile of clothes that sits there. He’s also been eating alot. He’s been showing signs of wanting to eat solids, but everytime we try it, he ends up throwing most of it up. He likes gravy alot though!

I need to do some serious cleaning around the house. When I was younger, you would’ve never guessed I could ever be the type of person who lets my house get the way it looks today (and this isn’t even the worst it’s been). I was a relatively tidy person and liked things to have their own place. I used to love cleaning the bathroom, and organizing papers and cupboards and junk. You’d never know it today…

I need to figure out a way to create some sort of routine or schedule that I can stick to. I need alot more structure, but not so much more structure that I can’t still be a flexible parent and girlfriend. Like I wish I had set laundry days, and a certain time dinner had to be ready, and a specific day that the bathroom gets cleaned. Because right now, with the “I’ll do it when I have the energy” routine, is not working. Leaving clothes in laundry baskets constantly, and then not knowing where any socks for Kaeidyn at school are, is getting tired now.

The Boyfriend is getting better for helping out a little bit more, but I don’t know exactly how long that will last. He’s been taking the garbage out everyday, he starts cleaning alot of things (and that’s good enough for me, because then all I have to do is finish), and he’s been helping me with the laundry.

You know, ultimately what I need is a single level house, with more of an open plan. Well no, ideally what I need is cleaning people. But until that becomes possible, I just need a house with no stairs. That makes cleaning alot more difficult for me. My knees start aching just from going up and down to go to the bathroom. Imagine if I were going up and down with loads of laundry, piles of toys and other junk. Then my house feels crowded, constantly (because it is!), and that makes cleaning that much more difficult.

I wish I still had those urges like I did when I was at the height of my depression, where all of a sudden, after weeks of having no energy at all, I’d have this huge spurt and decide to go on a cleaning binge. I wish I felt motivated to just do that once around here. Get it super clean, and then try really hard to keep it that way.

Urgh, so many things that I want to do and so not enough energy or time or money…

We were doing so good
We were making such strides
We had kicked the addiction
We were changing our lives

I don’t want to whine, I really don’t. The Boyfriend and I agreed to a cheat day a couple days back, and bought a pack of smokes. We had both been complaining about wanting a smoke. As I’ve said, it seems harder to not smoke now than it did for the first three weeks. Our cheat pack lasted one day…

So then the next day, we bought another pack which only lasted a day. Today was a two pack day (that were bought, we’ve smoked one so far :() And seriously, I hate it. I want to go back to the way I felt when I wasn’t smoking. I’m still just considering it cheating.

The Boyfriend and I were sitting on the couch, and I said “I think starting Saturday, I’m not buying anymore smokes”, and he goes “Really?” as if he was disappointed. All along, I had thought that he was so upset that I had given in, and that he was loving the quitting. So I say “You want to keep smoking?!?!”,  and he goes “We’re chasing the wagon. I figure as long as we never go over a pack a day.”

It feels like crap. We were doing so very good. Those first three weeks, I was managing any possible cravings I had (put on 7″ in the process, but I blame that partially on quitting but more on breastfeeding), though it wasn’t for the smoke that I was having a craving. It was for the exhale. That’s always been my favourite part of smoking. Exhaling and watching the smoke blow out my mouth, feeling like all the problems are going with it. That, and I love the way I look exhaling 😉 It feels very french retro.

After the first three weeks, it seemed like at least once a day, everyday, I would be seriously craving a smoke. I’d start thinking about it, then I’d start talking about it. Then I started bumming a smoke or two a day off Alfie, and then came the day of the cheat pack…

It just makes me feel really hopeless about all the other goals that I had set for myself, and made me realize how many of those goals I’ve also given up on.

  • Doing dishes everyday.
    The Boyfriend had 3 days off, and I didn’t do more than what was needed for meals every night. So 5 plates, 5 forks, and whatever cookery we used for the meal.
  • Lifting my weight everyday
    I was doing awesome. I think I did a week and a half straight. Then The Boyfriend bought me the stability ball and resistance band (and the vacuum so I could put the stability ball on the floor without fear of it popping), and I haven’t lifted weights a day since. The Boyfriend’s been doing it on and off, even doing push ups and on the days that he doesn’t lift weights, he does 25 presses with Carter whose about 13 pounds.
  • Vacuuming everyday
    I’ve vacuumed twice. Both times were delightful experiences. I just haven’t had an ounce of energy to do it. The kids were doing really good keeping their toys downstairs for about a week, and it was easy to clean the living room then. Now, they’ve started bringing everything up here, and it’s just easier to leave it than clean it!

This week has been a week of disappointments. I had so many plans for this week, and I didn’t accomplish a single one of them. Even The Boyfriend, who works graveyards, and sleeps during the day, got more done than I did.

I had planned to go grocery shopping yesterday, but then we got busy around the house and so I said I would do it today. Today rolled around, and it was cold outside, so I’ve put it off for another day. I finally buckled and called my aunt for a ride downtown to drop all my paperwork off, even though my original plan was to walk down, take a bus back. But I guess I’m too much of a diva for that or something…

I wish it was just easy to become motivated, and be less lazy. You’d think that it would  be so simple. Just get off your butt. For some reason, for alot of reasons maybe, it just seems so hard! I feel very stumped, like I’ve hit a brick wall. I hope I figure something out, I think it’s time for another re-evaluation…

So question: Kenzie’s been out of control with the asking about games. I swear all I really heard from him today was “Can I play a game yet?”, and every single time it got whinier and whinier. At one point, I was sure that only dogs could hear the pitch he was reaching…

Saying “Wait” seemed to work for a better portion of the day. “Just wait a minute, Kenzie” and it would buy us about an hour of silence. Is it horrible to continually tell your kids to wait? It feels like it’s being mean, but “No” causes a horrendous fit, giving in means he’s on the games all day long, wait buys time in between the ever annoying question.

Well time to feed the baby…