Posts Tagged ‘House’

Today, Carter and I had a doctor’s appointment. It went pretty well. Carter is doing great, though he dropped from being in the 80th percentile in his weight, down to the 25th percentile. I knew he wasn’t gaining much from my breast milk alone.

At first I was disappointed to hear it, especially being that I think he feels ridiculously heavy. I have a hard time holding him for the length of a breastfeeding, because I think he’s so heavy. But since his last appointment at about 2 months, he’s only gained 2 lbs. So the doctor suggested we try out some solids and maybe start supplementing with formula. I was disappointed, but then I thought about the fact that I’ve been breastfeeding for five months, and only breastfeeding. The only other kid I breastfed for any length of time was Kenzie and that was just a little over a month.

I got my depo prescription filled, and now have to go get that injected. Complained about the pain in my knee, which keeps coming and going. When I was pregnant, it hurt all the time. Now, it goes in and out of hurting. So I got an x-ray, though it showed nothing, so I got an oral and topical anti-inflammatory. Then I mentioned the sketchiness at night, and was given some Ativan.

I know I’ve heard about Ativan, though I can’t remember much about it. The doctor knows that I’m breastfeeding, though the warning says not to use it while you’re breastfeeding. So before I start taking that one, I’ll be calling my local pharmacist. I’ve been “seeing” the same pharmacist (in a very informal manner) since I moved here. He’s a great pharmacist. He describes each medication in detail, lists off commonly reported side effects, and has the answers to my sometimes obvious answered questions. I just realized, that I don’t even know his name… I just know he’s the pharmacist at Wal-Mart 😉

The other day, we whipped out the electric razor, and now Keirnan has no hair (yes, we even got rid of his little rat tail that he’s had since birth!), Kenzie has much shorter hair, though his needs a touch up because he kept jumping all over the place. And Kaeidyn was jealous that the boys got their hair cut with the razor, so I cut her bangs with it. They all look so different when they get their hair cut. Kenzie especially. He looks much more skinny with less hair on his head 😉

Keirnan said his first full and very clear sentence today. “What’s this movie?” was the question he blurted out at Alfie. I couldn’t believe how clear it was. I believe completely that Keirnan can talk, he just doesn’t want to. He knows if he doesn’t, his sister or brother will step in and talk for him. The Boyfriend says he was the same way growing up. And that makes me think that I applaud any woman in the entire world, who raises boys without a man around. Because I would be completely lost!

Kenzie has been playing less and less games it seems. And it almost seems like it’s happened completely naturally. He doesn’t like being secluded away from everyone so much. If I fall asleep on the couch while Kaeidyn’s at school, then he’ll play the Wii. But other than that, he asks about them still, but hardly ever plays them. It’s been really good.

I’ve been feeling overwhelmed these last couple of days, though still in really good spirits. The messes in the house keep piling up and seem harder and harder to maintain (especially with how tired I’ve been these last couple of days), the kids seem to be getting louder and louder (especially Carter who seems to only cry and eat and sleep!) and even though I’m hardly doing anything, by the end of the day I feel tired and sore and stressed about the day to come.

I was also disappointed today at the doctor’s, when I stepped upon the scale and it creeped past the 136 lbs I was the last time I weighed myself. I won’t tell you where it’s at, because I’m still in denial, but I will tell you that I’m absolutely not happy with it. I need to start doing more cardio and ab workouts and get rid of my baby pooch…

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Times have been trying these last couple of days. And my brother seems to be doing worse everyday. I don’t think he’s sleeping much, as he spends most of the night stalking around outside of my house, as I discovered last night…

The Boyfriend started his one week holiday yesterday. Somehow, he managed to stay up really late with me. At about one in the morning, Goober shows up on my doorstep. I fake that we’re all asleep and don’t answer the door. He stands on my doorstep for about 15 minutes, talking to himself and finally leaves.

At about four, he comes back and Kaeidyn had woken up because she had laid on her ears for too long. Since she got them pierced, when she lays on her sides, the backs of the earring poke into her neck. Well she hears him knock at the door, at four in the morning and goes to let him in. Both The Boyfriend and I tell her not to, and we turn everything off and convince her to go back down to bed. He sits outside, on the car, for the next twenty minutes talking to himself. Then he stands up, and takes off all his sweaters, and stares into our window with just his T-shirt and pants on. Another ten minutes goes by, and he finally leaves.

Today, he slightly admitted to the fact that he’s not alright, when he said that being at Mama T’s place is tripping him out. And I feel incredibly bad for him. The big sister in me, wants to take him into my house and keep my watchful eye over him. But then I remember what it’s like when he is here, and I’m in no way prepared to take him in full-time. The couple hours a day is almost to the point of ending, because I’m sick of ending every visit with him yelling at him to get the f*** out of my house!

Even the kids can’t stand the way he is. Kaeidyn gets incredibly angry at him when he talks to himself and will sit there going, “Uncle, stop talking to yourself. You’re acting crazy!”, or when he stares at anyone and she notices, she’ll saying “Uncle, you’re staring again.” It makes her very uncomfortable to be around him, and she picks up on my annoyance with him the second I feel it.

He needs to get some serious mental help. And he’s so worried that they’ll lock him up in an institution and force him to take meds, and that the family will completely disown him, that he won’t even consider it. Mama T’s boyfriend, Chef, also has Goober convinced that the only road to sanity is to get a job. And since Goober believes him and Chef went through an almost similar experience with Ketamine, Goober believes that what Chef says is the only thing in the world that makes sense. So everytime you tell him that mental health is what he should be focusing on, he says “Chef says I need to work a camp job. But I don’t want a camp job. So I’m just looking for one really hard in town here.” Every once in and awhile he’ll throw in that no one will hire him because he’s a “punk”.

I’m not sure what to do for him or where to go from here with this whole thing. A part of me wants to just write him out of my life for good. Not answer the door when he comes over, ignore him when I see him in public. But another part of me, thinks that’s terribly heartless and wants to scoop him up and save him and mother him. This whole week has been all about trying to make a decision… Unfortunately, I haven’t come up with anything yet…

Well that’s all I had to write. Anyone got words of advice?

I seriously think my brother comes over to my house, just to piss me off. For the last three days, everytime he comes over here, he ends up getting kicked out. And half the time he ignores me until I start getting really angry.

He sits there staring at everybody, and Kaeidyn gets right mad at him for that. And then he talks to himself constantly. He’ll laugh out of nowhere, and it’s extremely annoying. Kaeidyn gets so mad at him and tells him to stop talking to himself. He gets told a thousand times to go back to Mama T’s house if he’s gonna act like that around here.

Everyday, it’s the same thing with him. He comes over here and spends the first hour staring at everyone, and being told to stop staring. So then he’ll stop, and then he starts talking to himself. I never go more than the fifth time of telling him to stop before I kick him out.

I wish that he would go get help so bad. Firstly, because I know he’s suffering. But mostly, it’s because I don’t want this burden anymore. I’m sick of him getting dumped on me, and then being too stubborn to admit anything’s wrong long enough to go get some decent help. Instead, he’s gonna stay in this state, and I’m getting to that point of wanting to tell him he’s not welcome here anymore. I don’t want someone around me, who so obviously has issues, and isn’t willing to do anything at all about it.

I’ve been having a couple super lazy days these last two or three days. I literally get up and find Kaeidyn’s clothes, and then fall asleep on the couch until it’s time to go pick her up. I’ve been completely exhausted, and I don’t even understand how. It’s not like I’ve been doing that much really. Working online alot, but other than that, dishes… But for some reason, I am always tired and always wanting to sleep.

The kids have all been doing really good. Kenzie’s started to get bored of playing games by himself all day. Good thing is, he’s playing alot less. Bad thing is, he’s constantly trying to talk people into playing games with him. Keirnan is still as much of a brat as he ever was. Getting into things all the time, the dishes is still his biggest one. At least three times a day, we’re kicking him out of the kitchen. He’s trying so hard to start talking, and so far, it’s not really working out for him.

Kaeidyn is going to get her ears pierced tomorrow (or at least that’s the plan so far!). I wanted to get them pierced when she was just a baby, but almost everyone else was against that, and it cost more when she was younger. Alfie and I are taking her to pick up her earrings tomorrow, and she’s super excited about it.

Carter and The Boyfriend have both been doing good. Carter’s been mostly happy, and wants to be moving so much more than he is. We have to watch him like hawks anywhere we put him now, because he motors so fast. He’s decided he likes falling off of the end of the couch, into a pile of clothes that sits there. He’s also been eating alot. He’s been showing signs of wanting to eat solids, but everytime we try it, he ends up throwing most of it up. He likes gravy alot though!

I need to do some serious cleaning around the house. When I was younger, you would’ve never guessed I could ever be the type of person who lets my house get the way it looks today (and this isn’t even the worst it’s been). I was a relatively tidy person and liked things to have their own place. I used to love cleaning the bathroom, and organizing papers and cupboards and junk. You’d never know it today…

I need to figure out a way to create some sort of routine or schedule that I can stick to. I need alot more structure, but not so much more structure that I can’t still be a flexible parent and girlfriend. Like I wish I had set laundry days, and a certain time dinner had to be ready, and a specific day that the bathroom gets cleaned. Because right now, with the “I’ll do it when I have the energy” routine, is not working. Leaving clothes in laundry baskets constantly, and then not knowing where any socks for Kaeidyn at school are, is getting tired now.

The Boyfriend is getting better for helping out a little bit more, but I don’t know exactly how long that will last. He’s been taking the garbage out everyday, he starts cleaning alot of things (and that’s good enough for me, because then all I have to do is finish), and he’s been helping me with the laundry.

You know, ultimately what I need is a single level house, with more of an open plan. Well no, ideally what I need is cleaning people. But until that becomes possible, I just need a house with no stairs. That makes cleaning alot more difficult for me. My knees start aching just from going up and down to go to the bathroom. Imagine if I were going up and down with loads of laundry, piles of toys and other junk. Then my house feels crowded, constantly (because it is!), and that makes cleaning that much more difficult.

I wish I still had those urges like I did when I was at the height of my depression, where all of a sudden, after weeks of having no energy at all, I’d have this huge spurt and decide to go on a cleaning binge. I wish I felt motivated to just do that once around here. Get it super clean, and then try really hard to keep it that way.

Urgh, so many things that I want to do and so not enough energy or time or money…

This is the first day, out of my (so far) 18-day blogging stretch, that I haven’t exactly looked forward to blogging. All day, I’ve been coming up with ideas for blog posts, and now I don’t feel like writing a single one of them…

First, I made this huge to-do list of all the things I had to get done today. From laundry, to getting crap organized and mostly just cleaning. Alfie took Kaeidyn, Kenzie and Keirnan to his house so that I could get all this stuff done. I didn’t complete a single thing on my list, and it was stuff that kind of “needed” to be done, because I sure as heck don’t want my landlord walking through my house the way it is.

The Boyfriend was sleeping while the kids were gone, and wouldn’t you know, my grumpy teething baby (yes, I said teething. Feeling around his mouth today, sure enough, he’s got teeth coming in… 3 months old, and teething…), would not fall asleep. Would not sit quietly anywhere. Wanted to be held, wanted to eat. So I spent most of the time that the kids were gone, feeding him and ignoring him long enough to get some laundry folded. Too bad we’ve run out of dresser space, so now my huge couch looks tiny in comparison to the huge mound of laundry that sits across it…

So I was going to write all about all the things I accomplished today, and well, the thing is, I didn’t accomplish a darn thing, except for folding laundry. Which wasn’t even my biggest concern. Even The Boyfriend, who slept half the day away, got more work done than I did. Pathetic…

Then, The Big Bang Theory was on tonight, and of course the Theory struck a theory, and I had this big plan to blog about it, and was a little worried about laws that I could possibly break, so I was talking it out with The Boyfriend. His response was bland and dull (mainly because I was talking really fast, and he doesn’t follow that so well – no offense babe ;)), so I quickly lost interest in that.

Then I was helping make food, and remembered that I had to blog. Normally takes me about half an hour or so to blog it all out, and so I quickly jumped over here. Wouldn’t you know, my grumpy teething (I’m not even kidding you… I’m so sad…) baby, starts to wake up. He keeps going out of awake and asleep, and that’s almost more stressful. You’re rushing around to get the stuff that you started done, so that you can tend to a crying baby. And then, just to screw with you, baby stops crying and acts all content, and you’re like “Phew, I can finish doing what I started!”, but then, no… Then the crying starts all over again, so you begin to rush. As you can see, this type of vicious circle can get exhausting and annoying…

Well here goes the circle, so time for me to be a Mommy. I’ll write more tomorrow…

I finally got out of the house today. I haven’t been outside since our monthly Mama T & McDonald’s trip. The weather was absolutely beautiful today, and the boys were very hyper. So Alfie, Kenzie, Keirnan, Carter and I, all walked to go pick Kaeidyn up from school.

The walk there was awesome. Carter sat quietly in his Snugli. The boys had fun slipping around on the ice, but were keeping up really well. Walking home was another story entirely. Kaeidyn normally gets to play in the snow, but today it felt like they were all be so annoying with it. And I was sure someone was gonna get hurt. But we made it home, all of us fine and still alive.

After lunch, finally, I decided that it was going to be a nap day. I’ve been pissy at The Boyfriend, and stressing over kid stuff, and napping normally helps that. This wasn’t one of those naps. I woke up from the nap more mad than I was when I went for it. I didn’t even let anyone know I was actually out of bed, and instead made a dash for the bathtub where I filled the bath with hot, hot water!

My favourite thing(s) about taking a bath are:

  1. I don’t have to stand up
  2. I can lock the door
  3. I get to read without being bothered
  4. It’s quiet in the bathroom

So I spent the next 45 minutes, in a ridiculously hot bath, reading “I Am My Mother’s Daughter” by Iris Krasnow. This book doesn’t really apply to me, being that it’s meant for aging daughters and their aging mothers. We’re talking 40-year-old women with 80-year-old Mom’s. I don’t have an 80-year-old Mom.

I also didn’t pick this book. It was brought over by my aunt in a huge stack of books (mostly romance novels). Now I’m not a huge fan of romance books, I mean it’s not that it’s not a good read, I just can’t get into the story. Romance doesn’t make much sense to me. Sexuality and intimacy do, that’s why I can love reading erotica. Romance on the other hand, not so much. So since I don’t like the romance novels, and I’ve read every other book I own that isn’t a romance novel, I figured I’d give this one a shot.

I was suprised at how much I liked “I Am My Mother’s Daughter”. Mama T and I have a pretty tumultuous relationship. I don’t remember a time in my life when my Mom and I weren’t having an arguement of some kind. To one up it, we both are pretty bad for holding grudges. I mean we forgive, but forget it… Are you kidding me?!?! I’ve never in my life even considered “writing her off”, even though I’ve been given handfuls of reasons.

I’ve always thought that out of all three of us kids, my Mom was always the hardest on me. Always had the most expectations of me. Always attacked me. But my sister always acts as if she’s had it the hardest and like Mom is more intense towards her. She’s been close to writing my Mom off many times, and on more than one occasion has gone months without talking to my Mom. I get nervous if my Mom doesn’t call me every other day.

“I Am My Mother’s Daughter” isn’t really useful to me, because I’ve already gotten to the point where I know there’s some things I can’t control (thank you 28 days with Sandra Bullock for teaching me that ;)), and there’s just nothing I can do about it. My Mom is my Mom and she’s not perfect, she makes mistakes, and she screws everything up sometimes. I could spend the rest of my life angry at her, and resenting her for the way she did or did not raise me, but what would I get from it?

It’s easier to accept that my mother is who she is, just as I am who I am, and that’s the best I can expect from her. I think that my sister would benefit greatly from reading this book. Then again, I think sometimes my sister is so stuck in her own little world that it wouldn’t even touch her. She’d just be reading the words. It’s really my sisters prerogative to be mad at my Mom at anytime in her life, so if she wants to be, there’s nothing I can do to stop that.

The book is mostly about Mom’s who are close to the end of their lives and daughters who wish they would’ve forgiven or forgotten so that they could have closure with their Mom’s before they died. I would hate to feel guilty for the rest of my life for not being there for my Mom when she passed. I couldn’t imagine what my sister would feel, as she pushes all her emotions way down to the bottom of herself until something sets her off and then she explodes, like an emotion-filled volcano. Reading this book makes me think a lot about my sister and my Mom and my kids. I hope none of them ever really hate me!

The Boyfriend and I finally talked a little bit about some of the problems we’ve been having this last week or so. It’s all nothing major at all, but it’s stuff that’s been bugging us. For me, it’s been the sleeping. I know he works a graveyard job, and I’m fine with that. I just wish I could see him awake some days. I wish I could rely on him for help more. It sucks too, I feel so bad complaining about it all, mostly because I know it’s something he would love to give me, but this job makes it hard. I don’t want quitting the job to be an option. He worked this job for 2 years before meeting me without any thoughts of quitting, and I don’t want to be the reason he quits a perfectly good job that he loves.

We didn’t talk about all the issues, because there just isn’t enough time and frankly, I don’t have the desire. One or two issues a day is all I care to deal with right now. I keep questioning whether or not I have a right to bitch about the things that I want to, and while I know I have the right to do anything I want to do (without breaking the law…), it doesn’t mean that I want to go through a slew of emotions. I used to be like that, every time I had a problem with something, I would go through all the crap. And I’d end up bringing up stuff that had happened months ago way too often. I don’t want it to be like that.

It’s not like The Boyfriend and I really have alot of issues either. My issue is he sleeps too much, his issue is Alfie. That’s really it. The only thing that sucks about all that, is we’ve had the same issues for almost the entire time that we’ve been together. And while things have changed, it almost feels like nothing has changed at all.

Well at least I got some fresh air, a nap and a bath today 😉

So not a super long post tonight, my house is incredibly hot again, Carter is rather grumpy and wants some cuddles, and I’m super tired. But it’s my goal to blog everyday, so here I am.

I used my new vacuum today. Boy do I love it. It glides across my carpet with ease, it picks up tons of junk (which my floor always seems to have lots of!), and it was quiet so vacuuming while The Boyfriend sleeps is no biggie. The kids even got to use it today, though that doesn’t get to happen anymore because I want this vacuum to last awhile. We have had 3 or 4 vacuums break since I moved into this place 2 years ago!

Today seemed like an exhausting day, even though looking back on it, it probably wasn’t all that bad. Kenzie was grounded off of games today for throwing games yesterday, so that was the start of one annoyance. Every half hour or so, “Mommy, can I play a game”, then I’d say “No, you’re grounded” “Why? Did I throw the game?” “Yes, you did. So you don’t get to play today.” “Awwww!”. I hate that without even meaning to at all, I’ve got a kid who won’t stop talking about computer games.

And I swear Kaeidyn’s turning too, though that one is more of my fault. She gets jealous that Kenzie’s down playing games all day. So she’s got her own little browser on the computer, and more recently has learnt how to type in words written on pieces of paper. So GamesGames and TreehouseTV are normally typed into the omnibar of the Google Chrome Browser and away Kaeidyn goes. Gaming’s just gonna end up coming naturally for Keirnan and Carter.

Do you think that’s normal for this new generation to have more access to video games? Is it abnormal for a 3-year-old to be playing video games?

Well tomorrow is another day of school for Kaeidyn, probably another day of games for Kenzie, another day of squealing for Keirnan. For Carter it’ll be another day of doing what he’s doing now, and that’s crying. For me, it’ll be another day of cleaning, exhaustion and body aches. Whoever said this job was easy? At least The Big Bang Theory and House are on tomorrow night!!