Posts Tagged ‘Graveyards’

I started out today thinking it was going to suck hard, but it ended up being a pretty rocking day. First, I had to take Kaeidyn to school this morning. This week, they’re learning about nutrition, so everyday they’re cooking something. Yesterday was stone soup, today was buns. So she was so excited to go to school, that 6 AM she comes running into my room, “Mommy, I’m gonna be late for school.” Luckily I was able to get her back to bed until about 7.

Then Mama T picked Kaeidyn up from school, and came over to help get the cleaning more under control. Not what I had planned, but she ended up doing most of the work completely herself. I felt incredibly bad. But the kids room is spotless, the bathroom is cleaned and so are my stairs. She’s gonna come back over tomorrow, after I’ve got my room pretty much done, and we’re gonna try to get everything else done.

I think The Boyfriend was avoiding be enlisted for cleaning jobs, so he worked on the van. After a couple hours, and a few breaks, he was able to get the van back up and running. It took a little bit of investigation on his part, but he was able to turn it on, and we even went for a short ride with all the kids to go put air in the tires. It was so nice to finally be able to all travel to one place, at the same time, in the same vehicle. I’ve been hating that Carter gets to come for everything, while the other kids get left behind, usually with Alfie.

We had barbecued steak for dinner, which the kids loved. Ate two whole steaks between the three of them, which is pretty spectacular being that they normally share one piece of meat between the three of them. And now The Boyfriend and I are having barbecued sandwiches. He had thought that we had no propane left, and then today he tested it out and it turns out we still have a full tank.

Tomorrow, I’m gonna have to let Kenzie play games, because he was begging all day today, and I kept telling him to hold off and then it ended up being bed time, so he never got to play games. We got them Socker Boppers today, so that’s going to be fun tomorrow. They got to play for a little bit today, but not very long.

I felt so bad. The Boyfriend went to Timmies and I got him to take Carter with him. He comes back all in a hurry, and as he walks up the sidewalk, I start hearing Carter wailing. His eyes were all puffy, and he had cried the entire car ride. I felt so bad for him.

We have had alot of screaming around the house these last couple of days, thanks to flies. For some reason, all my kids have decided that they are deathly afraid of flies. They see one, and they start screaming, they can’t move, they cry. I hope it doesn’t happen all summer long…

Yesterday, we went to the exercise park and took two of the neighbor kids. After playing at the exercise park for awhile, we went over to the hill behind our house and all the kids went nuts rolling down the hill for probably close to half an hour. Then we went over to the little tiny park behind our house, where Kenzie proceeded to poop his pants. So we had to cut our park playing short so he could come home and get bathed. Good thing too, because he was disgusting. They had all been playing in the sandy dirt paths, and from head to foot were covered in dustiness.

I feel like a new woman today (too bad it’s not a new and extremely sexy woman…). I finally, after almost a year of not wearing one for any real length of time, bought and am wearing a bra. I went and picked up a three pack of these cool adjustable racer-back sports bras, and then a nice t-shirt bra. So I’m wearing the sports bra, and so far, I’m completely loving it. I hope I keep up with wearing a bra 😉

The Boyfriend is officially on part-time. He’s been so worried about me telling people, because he doesn’t want to seem like the loser boyfriend. I keep assuring him that that’s not how he seems, or at least it’s not to me and that’s all that matters. If he was doing it because he didn’t want to work, then I’d think he was a loser. But that’s not the case at all. Not only can he not, but I can’t stand how much working full-time graveyards takes him away from us. Because it’s not just the night time he’s gone for.

During the days he has to sleep. His days off are mostly dedicated to sleep. It’s especially hard to have a family and work graveyards. He’s on his second night off, and so far it’s been wonderful. Two more nights of bliss!!!! The best part for me, is I won’t have to watch The Big Bang Theory or Parenthood alone anymore 😉

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I am sweating so bad!! I just did a 20 minute workout on Your Shape! I gave up after I got to a side plank and my right arm kept snapping underneath my weight. I tried modifying it by putting one knee bent on the ground (still in perfect form), but it was getting too hard for me to hold myself up.

I was literally dripping with sweat during my workout. I was a little disappointed, because I put in that I wanted to strengthen my abs, and it seemed to give me alot more leg workouts. So it was alot of squats, which I guess is good, but my legs aren’t really in need of that much work.

One of these days, probably after we get more batteries now, I’ll take a picture of myself now, with my measurements and then a couple months from now, when I get on a workout routine, I’ll put another full body picture up with the change in measurements. That could potentially be really fun or really embarrassing.

It seems like my knee, back and neck are all going to be hindrances in me completing whatever fitness goal it is that I have, which I think right now is just overall toning. I don’t really think I have any weight to lose, I’m 5’7″ in 136 lbs, and I don’t think that that is that bad. But I do need to tone what I have, at the very least, get a little bit of definition.

Today, The Boyfriend, Kaiedyn, Carter and I all went up to The Boyfriend’s Sister’s place. It was her twins birthday party, and we didn’t have enough room in the car for Kenzie and Keirnan, so it was a nice little half-a-family outing. Kaeidyn got to decorate cookies and she played with tons of kids. Kenzie and Keirnan stayed home with Alfie, and I suppose they had a good time. No complaints from anyone, so it was all good.

It was nice to get out of the house. It’s beginning to sound like it happens alot more than it used to, yet not as much as it did during the summer. I can’t wait for this summer and all our walking. Hopefully, by summer, we’ll have a vehicle of our own and we can all go to some of our favourite places around town here. Maybe even eventually venture out of town.

I think as long as The Boyfriend is working graveyards, we’ve pretty much got two days out of the week to work with, and even that’s pushing it. I hate complaining about his job, because I know that it makes him feel horrible for having the job, even though he had it before we got together. It seriously drives me nuts though that he’s gotta sleep during the day when I’m most active, and he can’t sleep next to me, and then spending extra time together cuts into his sleeping.

Like today, because we went to the birthday party and he didn’t want to leave me yet, he’s only getting about two hours of sleep before heading back to work. It sucks, and I wish he didn’t have to go to work and that way he could just sleep next to me and everything would be fine.

Mama T’s still out at the Olympics and her boyfriend came back into town a couple days back. Goober, my brother, has been avoiding going back to Mama T’s house as much as possible. Today, we went to the birthday party and told Goober he couldn’t be here while Alfie was here, as usual. Told him to come back after 4 PM, though we were getting home at 3. We pull up right at 3, and there he is, standing in the middle of our yard with his huge stick, looking like the town creep. Upon being told he looks like a creep, he says “I know, it’s fun!”. Not so much fun for me!

So the kids got put to bed tonight, and the boys thought it would be hilarious to spill their sippy cups all over their bed. This was after I got mad at them for screaming at the top of their lungs, while The Boyfriend was in the room next to them trying to get his two hours of shuteye. When I saw the sippy cup mess, I gave all the kids “the look”, and now they are laying down quietly. It only took me 15 minutes, which is better than the usual 45 minutes to an hour. Unless The Boyfriend or Alfie deal with it. At bed time, they just don’t listen to me usually.

Carter has been constantly hungry, or so it seems to me, especially at night time. I think my breast milk might be slowing down and he’s not getting enough in the normal amount of time for feedings. We normally go for almost an hour and a half, jumping back and forth between right and left breasts. It’s becoming more and more difficult to stay determined to breastfeed. It’s just so all encompassing, and sometimes I don’t feel like doing it. Even though I know I have to. Hopefully he’ll start solids soon, so that at least I can take a break every once and awhile.

Well that’s pretty much my day in a nutshell. Now it’s time to relax on the couch, watch TV and feed my hungry, teething baby. My head hurts after my workout, so maybe I’ll take one or two tylenol and call it a night shortly after The Boyfriend leaves for work.

Today is being yet another crappy day this week. It seems like this week has been made up of nothing but crappy days. I hate to complain, but I really don’t think that I like life at all this week.

The Boyfriend and I seem to be having a rough time, even though I think he’s completely unaware of it. I think he thinks things are all great and fine. Though internally, I seem to be constantly awaiting the demise of our relationship. I feel like I’m not getting what I need or want, I’m not getting enough help, I’m just not getting enough. Maybe I’m being too picky. And I haven’t really communicated it all with him recently.

I seriously don’t feel like instructing him on how to be a good boyfriend. I feel like we’ve passed that point. It used to be so different, and now I just feel like he’s being lazy and not putting any effort into anything really. And I could just be being hyper sensitive or whatever, but it’s been almost an entire week of everyday being unhappy with something to do with him.

From not taking out the garbage, to not holding Carter enough (and giving me a break!), to saying I can sleep in and then it doesn’t happen, to not having any sex whatsoever. And it’s beginning to take it’s toll. This morning, he comes down when he first gets home from work and asks if I want to sleep longer. I say, “I don’t want to get up yet” and he says he’ll let me sleep. A little bit later, the kids all come down to my room, and say they’re hungry and The Boyfriend is sleeping. Sure enough, he had fallen asleep upstairs and it ticked me off to no end. If you’re tired and you don’t want to let me sleep in, or don’t think that you can make it for a couple of hours, freaking tell me!

I just feel like our relationship has officially reached this point where we’re standing completely still. We’re not moving forward, or backwards, just not moving at all. It’s not like things are that different. It’s always been like this, just before I was willing to put up with alot more of it. Now, I’m freaking exhausted and lonely, and I don’t want to put up with it anymore. If I’m going to be basically alone, I might as well be alone.

I can’t even truly be mad at him, because most of this stuff can be blamed on his job. And he loves his job and needs to continue working it. He probably wouldn’t be able to find anything better right now when it came to jobs. I don’t want to constantly be saying to him that I hate his job and blame a majority of the problems that we do have completely on his job. But lately, all I’ve been thinking about, is when we first started dating he assured me that he wouldn’t be on nights in a year. It’s been over that, and there is no light to the end of this tunnel. There has been no advances towards a daytime position, unless he wants to drop down to part time. Did I mention, we have four kids?!?!?!?

My brother being back in town is becoming super stressful. He goes in and out of seeming normal so fast it’s ridiculous. I don’t know what to do for him at all and that stresses me out the most. I can’t help him right now, and there’s no one else who will. And I feel so bad for him.

The kids are all doing relatively good. Kenzie had a two day grounding from games, because he wouldn’t help clean the playroom. So the rule was until the playroom was clean he wasn’t allowed to play games. On the second day, the rule changed to, if the room isn’t cleaned by dinner time, toys are getting thrown in the garbage. So there’s about a garbage bag full of toys downstairs, and they finally picked up most of their toys.

Kaeidyn had her Valentine’s Day Party at school yesterday. Alfie and I have been bugging her constantly about this boy named Lukas in her class. I think Kaeidyn has a huge crush on him, though she denies it at all costs. Alfie sings to her “Kaeidyn and Lukas, sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage”, and Kaeidyn gets so mad. But everytime she sees Lukas, she laughs at everything he does and then after will say “Oh my Gosh”, in this extremely exaggerated and dramatic voice. Trying to get his attention 😉

Keirnan is finally starting to pick up on more words. Today he was playing games with Kenzie and Kenzie yells at Kaeidyn “It’s a 2-player”, so Keirnan turns around and yells out “2-player”. He’s getting it slowly. Carter’s been pretty good these last couple of days, though his teeth are killing him and he tends to be pretty whiny about it. He’s really starting to show a personality now though. Certain things make him smile, and he loves being tickled. He loves trying to copy other people too, especially if it involves sticking your tongue out. He thinks that’s the greatest and tries to imitate everytime.

My knees are acting up again. I thought it was gone. After I had Carter, my knees lessened up in the hurting department and only got sore if I was going up and down the stairs too much or walking alot. Then out of nowhere, I woke up in the middle of the night, with a shooting pain down my leg and ever since then, my knee has been aching like crazy. Luckily, I have to go see the doctor soon for another shot of depo, so I’ll be talking to him about my knee pain then.

So I guess that’s really all I have to say. Now it’s time to go wake The Boyfriend up so that he can go to the store, and then it’s time to feed Carter… Again!

We were doing so good
We were making such strides
We had kicked the addiction
We were changing our lives

I don’t want to whine, I really don’t. The Boyfriend and I agreed to a cheat day a couple days back, and bought a pack of smokes. We had both been complaining about wanting a smoke. As I’ve said, it seems harder to not smoke now than it did for the first three weeks. Our cheat pack lasted one day…

So then the next day, we bought another pack which only lasted a day. Today was a two pack day (that were bought, we’ve smoked one so far :() And seriously, I hate it. I want to go back to the way I felt when I wasn’t smoking. I’m still just considering it cheating.

The Boyfriend and I were sitting on the couch, and I said “I think starting Saturday, I’m not buying anymore smokes”, and he goes “Really?” as if he was disappointed. All along, I had thought that he was so upset that I had given in, and that he was loving the quitting. So I say “You want to keep smoking?!?!”,  and he goes “We’re chasing the wagon. I figure as long as we never go over a pack a day.”

It feels like crap. We were doing so very good. Those first three weeks, I was managing any possible cravings I had (put on 7″ in the process, but I blame that partially on quitting but more on breastfeeding), though it wasn’t for the smoke that I was having a craving. It was for the exhale. That’s always been my favourite part of smoking. Exhaling and watching the smoke blow out my mouth, feeling like all the problems are going with it. That, and I love the way I look exhaling 😉 It feels very french retro.

After the first three weeks, it seemed like at least once a day, everyday, I would be seriously craving a smoke. I’d start thinking about it, then I’d start talking about it. Then I started bumming a smoke or two a day off Alfie, and then came the day of the cheat pack…

It just makes me feel really hopeless about all the other goals that I had set for myself, and made me realize how many of those goals I’ve also given up on.

  • Doing dishes everyday.
    The Boyfriend had 3 days off, and I didn’t do more than what was needed for meals every night. So 5 plates, 5 forks, and whatever cookery we used for the meal.
  • Lifting my weight everyday
    I was doing awesome. I think I did a week and a half straight. Then The Boyfriend bought me the stability ball and resistance band (and the vacuum so I could put the stability ball on the floor without fear of it popping), and I haven’t lifted weights a day since. The Boyfriend’s been doing it on and off, even doing push ups and on the days that he doesn’t lift weights, he does 25 presses with Carter whose about 13 pounds.
  • Vacuuming everyday
    I’ve vacuumed twice. Both times were delightful experiences. I just haven’t had an ounce of energy to do it. The kids were doing really good keeping their toys downstairs for about a week, and it was easy to clean the living room then. Now, they’ve started bringing everything up here, and it’s just easier to leave it than clean it!

This week has been a week of disappointments. I had so many plans for this week, and I didn’t accomplish a single one of them. Even The Boyfriend, who works graveyards, and sleeps during the day, got more done than I did.

I had planned to go grocery shopping yesterday, but then we got busy around the house and so I said I would do it today. Today rolled around, and it was cold outside, so I’ve put it off for another day. I finally buckled and called my aunt for a ride downtown to drop all my paperwork off, even though my original plan was to walk down, take a bus back. But I guess I’m too much of a diva for that or something…

I wish it was just easy to become motivated, and be less lazy. You’d think that it would  be so simple. Just get off your butt. For some reason, for alot of reasons maybe, it just seems so hard! I feel very stumped, like I’ve hit a brick wall. I hope I figure something out, I think it’s time for another re-evaluation…

So question: Kenzie’s been out of control with the asking about games. I swear all I really heard from him today was “Can I play a game yet?”, and every single time it got whinier and whinier. At one point, I was sure that only dogs could hear the pitch he was reaching…

Saying “Wait” seemed to work for a better portion of the day. “Just wait a minute, Kenzie” and it would buy us about an hour of silence. Is it horrible to continually tell your kids to wait? It feels like it’s being mean, but “No” causes a horrendous fit, giving in means he’s on the games all day long, wait buys time in between the ever annoying question.

Well time to feed the baby…

I finally got out of the house today. I haven’t been outside since our monthly Mama T & McDonald’s trip. The weather was absolutely beautiful today, and the boys were very hyper. So Alfie, Kenzie, Keirnan, Carter and I, all walked to go pick Kaeidyn up from school.

The walk there was awesome. Carter sat quietly in his Snugli. The boys had fun slipping around on the ice, but were keeping up really well. Walking home was another story entirely. Kaeidyn normally gets to play in the snow, but today it felt like they were all be so annoying with it. And I was sure someone was gonna get hurt. But we made it home, all of us fine and still alive.

After lunch, finally, I decided that it was going to be a nap day. I’ve been pissy at The Boyfriend, and stressing over kid stuff, and napping normally helps that. This wasn’t one of those naps. I woke up from the nap more mad than I was when I went for it. I didn’t even let anyone know I was actually out of bed, and instead made a dash for the bathtub where I filled the bath with hot, hot water!

My favourite thing(s) about taking a bath are:

  1. I don’t have to stand up
  2. I can lock the door
  3. I get to read without being bothered
  4. It’s quiet in the bathroom

So I spent the next 45 minutes, in a ridiculously hot bath, reading “I Am My Mother’s Daughter” by Iris Krasnow. This book doesn’t really apply to me, being that it’s meant for aging daughters and their aging mothers. We’re talking 40-year-old women with 80-year-old Mom’s. I don’t have an 80-year-old Mom.

I also didn’t pick this book. It was brought over by my aunt in a huge stack of books (mostly romance novels). Now I’m not a huge fan of romance books, I mean it’s not that it’s not a good read, I just can’t get into the story. Romance doesn’t make much sense to me. Sexuality and intimacy do, that’s why I can love reading erotica. Romance on the other hand, not so much. So since I don’t like the romance novels, and I’ve read every other book I own that isn’t a romance novel, I figured I’d give this one a shot.

I was suprised at how much I liked “I Am My Mother’s Daughter”. Mama T and I have a pretty tumultuous relationship. I don’t remember a time in my life when my Mom and I weren’t having an arguement of some kind. To one up it, we both are pretty bad for holding grudges. I mean we forgive, but forget it… Are you kidding me?!?! I’ve never in my life even considered “writing her off”, even though I’ve been given handfuls of reasons.

I’ve always thought that out of all three of us kids, my Mom was always the hardest on me. Always had the most expectations of me. Always attacked me. But my sister always acts as if she’s had it the hardest and like Mom is more intense towards her. She’s been close to writing my Mom off many times, and on more than one occasion has gone months without talking to my Mom. I get nervous if my Mom doesn’t call me every other day.

“I Am My Mother’s Daughter” isn’t really useful to me, because I’ve already gotten to the point where I know there’s some things I can’t control (thank you 28 days with Sandra Bullock for teaching me that ;)), and there’s just nothing I can do about it. My Mom is my Mom and she’s not perfect, she makes mistakes, and she screws everything up sometimes. I could spend the rest of my life angry at her, and resenting her for the way she did or did not raise me, but what would I get from it?

It’s easier to accept that my mother is who she is, just as I am who I am, and that’s the best I can expect from her. I think that my sister would benefit greatly from reading this book. Then again, I think sometimes my sister is so stuck in her own little world that it wouldn’t even touch her. She’d just be reading the words. It’s really my sisters prerogative to be mad at my Mom at anytime in her life, so if she wants to be, there’s nothing I can do to stop that.

The book is mostly about Mom’s who are close to the end of their lives and daughters who wish they would’ve forgiven or forgotten so that they could have closure with their Mom’s before they died. I would hate to feel guilty for the rest of my life for not being there for my Mom when she passed. I couldn’t imagine what my sister would feel, as she pushes all her emotions way down to the bottom of herself until something sets her off and then she explodes, like an emotion-filled volcano. Reading this book makes me think a lot about my sister and my Mom and my kids. I hope none of them ever really hate me!

The Boyfriend and I finally talked a little bit about some of the problems we’ve been having this last week or so. It’s all nothing major at all, but it’s stuff that’s been bugging us. For me, it’s been the sleeping. I know he works a graveyard job, and I’m fine with that. I just wish I could see him awake some days. I wish I could rely on him for help more. It sucks too, I feel so bad complaining about it all, mostly because I know it’s something he would love to give me, but this job makes it hard. I don’t want quitting the job to be an option. He worked this job for 2 years before meeting me without any thoughts of quitting, and I don’t want to be the reason he quits a perfectly good job that he loves.

We didn’t talk about all the issues, because there just isn’t enough time and frankly, I don’t have the desire. One or two issues a day is all I care to deal with right now. I keep questioning whether or not I have a right to bitch about the things that I want to, and while I know I have the right to do anything I want to do (without breaking the law…), it doesn’t mean that I want to go through a slew of emotions. I used to be like that, every time I had a problem with something, I would go through all the crap. And I’d end up bringing up stuff that had happened months ago way too often. I don’t want it to be like that.

It’s not like The Boyfriend and I really have alot of issues either. My issue is he sleeps too much, his issue is Alfie. That’s really it. The only thing that sucks about all that, is we’ve had the same issues for almost the entire time that we’ve been together. And while things have changed, it almost feels like nothing has changed at all.

Well at least I got some fresh air, a nap and a bath today 😉

I’ve been hard at work almost all day on blog stuff today. It started with wanting to get some links up, and then I remembered that this Sunday, January 10th, is the official launch of The Rantings Newsletter. Make sure you SUBSCRIBE today to receive weekly updates, pictures, links and much more.

So then after working a little on the Newsletter some more (making some final tweaks), I decided to look for some images for the blog. This I am having huge issues with, or I think I am. I’m super sketchy of copyright infringement and I don’t understand legal jargon enough to be sure that I won’t be screwing anything up. Does anyone know a really great place to go to get images for free to use on your blog?

I don’t even know for sure what I’m looking for, in terms of images. Half the time, I argue with myself that all my images should be pictures that I take. The other half the time, I think I could get the point across better from clip art or other images. If I had a program other than paint to create images with, like photoshop, than I would use it. But that’s not an option. Anywho…

I’m working really hard on getting My Goals up and going, as well as my Top 13. It’s been a while since I’ve written HTML, and so I’m having to re-learn alot of things. I don’t even know how much of it WordPress is accepting. I’ve got some serious issues with this platform…

My joints have all been hurting me really badly today. My knuckles feel swollen and stiff and my thighs feel very tight. I’ve been feeling very weak. I’ve been doing more around the house, and more in terms of physical activity during the day and I think my body is paying me for it. My muscles are screaming, “We just want to be lazy, let us curl up in a ball, wah!!!!”. I’m hoping a good sleep will get rid of the soreness.

Tonight was pretty awesome because I didn’t have to make dinner. I’ve gotten off from making lunch a couple of times this week, but dinner has been my job for almost two weeks straight. That’s dishes and dinner, and I’ve had both Kaeidyn and Keirnan insisting on helping and most nights The Boyfriend is sleeping, so I’ve got grumpy Carter crying in the background the entire time. Tonight, The Boyfriend decided he wanted to make some Hamburger Helper. I wasn’t about to stop him.

He also brought me home a new vaccuum this morning, since the last one we bought broke months ago and using Mama T’s shop vac, that I have to get down on my hands and knees to use across my living room floor, is starting to suck hardcore. I told The Boyfriend that our number one priority before getting any extras is to get a new vaccuum. And then eventually the goal is to get a Wii because I really want to get fit with Wii Fit.

So tomorrow, I’ll be cleaning like crazy and vaccuuming with my new vaccuum. Hopefully it won’t break! How many vacuums is too many vacuums to break? I think I’m up to 3 now… This vacuum, I’m going to take very good care of. The kids will not be allowed to play with this vacuum. Let’s hope *crosses my fingers*

I’m hoping I’ll get a bunch more done on the blog tonight. Tomorrow’s supposed to be a sleep-in day for me, but I’m betting that I’ll be full of ideas first thing in the morning and will be up early to get working on all this stuff. Or I won’t… Talk more tomorrow!

Today is being a taxing day on my entire being. I feel overly exhausted for no real reason, I’m not motivated to do anything. I just want to go soak in a nice hot bath and read a book, turn my music up real loud and veg by myself.

I feel like a bit of a one-man-show right now, even though both my kids Dad’s are still in the picture and are here everyday to some extent or another. Carter tends to be a huge mama suck, that and I think that I’m officially starting to “dry up”, because I feel like every second he’s awake (unless The Boyfriend’s awake and can distract him), he’s breastfeeding.

I never really got the opportunity to breastfeed my other kids. With Kaeidyn, I had gotten an infection from the c-section so bad that it affected my breastmilk. She wouldn’t drink it at all. Kenzie got a short amount of time breastfeeding, but within 2 or 3 weeks, after he didn’t gain any significant weight, I dried up completely and had to switch to formula. Keirnan was in the hospital for the first month of his life, and for the first week or two, I was pumping as often as I could. He was being fed through a tube in his nose, so breastfeeding wasn’t possible. By the end of his hospital stay, they were adding so much nutritional supplements to my breastmilk that it seemed more logical to switch to formula.

Carter on the other hand, has had no problem with the breastfeeding whatsoever. He’s gained a really good amount of weight, he latched without much problem, I only had a day or two of sore nipples (as opposed to Kenzie, where the entire time I was breastfeeding was painful, and my nipples constantly cracked), so it’s been a rather pleasurable experience. Though these last two days, it seems incredibly overwhelming.

When I do get him off my boob, I generally want to “play” on the computer. By play, I mean blog and check out other blogs and look into whatever catches my interest for the day. Though what I should be doing is cleaning, but I’m getting so sick of that.

I’m what they call a “Slacker Mom”, I like that alot more than the alternative “Bad Mom”. My house isn’t immaculate, I don’t brush my kids teeth every night, I don’t include all of the four food groups in our meals. I think I do pretty good, but I wouldn’t put myself in the Great Mom category, because I have much higher standards than this.

I’ve been doing dishes every single day, which was one of my goals for this year. I’ve even been getting the kids to help. Kaeidyn washes all the silverware (and does a suprisingly good job), Keirnan likes to “wash” the dishes too (really he just pours water and in and out of things), and he likes to help cook dinner (which has resulted in burning his hand twice, neither time very badly. First it was the oven while making cupcakes and he touched the front of it. I kept telling him No, but he wouldn’t listen. The second time, I was boiling potatoes on the stove, again I told him it was hot and the he shouldn’t touch it, but I guess curiousity burns the monkey, so he touches the side of the pot, cried for 5 seconds, and then was okay the rest of the night). Kenzie isn’t much of a helper at all, he would rather play his games. But I’ve been calling him up before dinner, and his job is to wipe down the table (he doesn’t do such a good job at it, but at least he gets it all wet so that it’s easier for me to clean off ;)).

So then I try to make dinner in as short of a time as possible, because I really don’t like being in my kitchen. Firstly, there’s three kids running around that I’m constantly tripping over. Then I normally have to have Carter out there with me, either in the Snugli (which is more annoying than I can even explain, when you’re trying to wash dishes or cook a meal!) or in his bouncy chair, which he still hasn’t gotten to the point of really liking. Like I said, he’s a mama suck. He likes to be held and if he’s not being held, he’s normally not happy. I seriously don’t know how we have so many happy pictures of him, because I almost never feel like he’s being happy.

I keep forgetting how exhausting and overwhelming it is to do this job. And I was so naive, the first couple of weeks Carter was home, I kept going off to everyone about how it feels like it gets easier with each kid you add on.

I remember with Kaeidyn, being so overwhelmed, that I’d close her in our bedroom, and I’d sit outside the door bawling my eyes out, begging her to just stop crying. Then Kenzie came along, and things bothered me much less. Keirnan coming home was just about the easiest thing ever. The older two kids helped out so much, especially Kaeidyn. Even the first couple of weeks that Carter came home (back when The Boyfriend was on paternity leave), were really easy. Everyone was helping out. Now that The Boyfriend’s gone back to work, and Kaeidyn’s back in school, it just seems so intense.

I feel like I go all day, and never stop. I used to get to join The Boyfriend on naps during the day. Or taking a bath, I used to get to go for baths. This actually involves a short explanation. I try my hardest not to shower. I have an issue with my knees. The doctors are calling it Osgood-Shlatter Disease, though I personally disagree with the diagnoses altogether.

According to The Mayo Clinic, Osgood-Shlatter Diesease can affect children going through puberty. It is most commonly seen in those who particpate in sports that involve running, jumping, and swift changes in direction – such as soccer, basketball, figure skating and ballet. The disease typically occurs in boys age 13 to 14 and girl age 11-12.

I know, you’re probably laughing hysterically. I’m definitely not 11 or 12 (though I miss those days and sometimes wish I could have them back), I don’t participate in any sports. And the last time I participated in sports, was Grade 6 basketball. I haven’t done any running or soccer or basketball and definitely not figure skating! I don’t even walk very often!

Whatever it is, standing up in the shower, causes me serious pain. It doesn’t help that I still haven’t recovered from whatever it was that Carter did to my hip while I was pregnant with him. So I stand in the shower, and I get shooting pains going down from my hip and up from my toes, all headed in the direction of my knee. I’ve got a heating blanket, I’ve got knee braces (the tensor bandage kind) and I’ve Rub-A-535, all of which don’t do anything but provide moments of relief. Quick, short, almost not even worth it, relief. So I keep my showers to an absolute minimum and try to stick more to baths to save my knees. I can’t actually remember when the last time for sure was my last bath or shower, I know it’s been less than a week, more than two days. I hate that!

I don’t mean to complain, because I wouldn’t give any of this up for anything, but I just can’t believe I keep forgetting the depth of how overwhelming it really is. Does anyone else find being a stay-at-home Mom an incredibly hard job? Do you think it’s just as tough for Mom’s who work, or are they lucky because they get to leave for awhile and take a break (I personally agree with that, and that is exactly the reason why I can’t wait to get  back to work or school or something!)? Anyone have any bad experiences with breastfeeding, or was it a relatively easy job?

Just to let everyone know, I am working really hard on today’s tasks for Problogger, when I can. I’m having a really hard time keeping my focus on reading other people’s blogs when the kids are climbing all over the furniture and making messes left, right and center. I’m hoping I’ll get it done by the end of the night (especially being that 3 out of 4 kids are leaving in about 2 hours to go watch Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs at the theatre with their grandparents, and The  Boyfriend doesn’t work tonight), so I’m hoping in a couple hours I’ll get creatively productive.

Prior to that, I need to:

  • Do the dishes
  • Do some laundry
  • Get the floor in the living room clean for the umpteenth time this week
  • Change the garbage in the  bathroom