Posts Tagged ‘Earrings’

So, the plan was to start NaBloPoMo again this month. But I missed the first two days, thanks to The Boyfriend’s days off, being able to get rid of the kids for a night this week, and family drama!

I’ve decided I need to make a disclaimer for this blog, because I’m getting sick of every single time I start a blog to write about my life, I hear from someone about what I’m writing about. I try pretty hard not to slander names on this blog, and I’m not trying to be conflicting, and yet it seems like everyone’s got a negative opinion.

The kids went to Alfie’s yesterday, so The Boyfriend, Carter and I got a quiet night alone. We watched 2012 last night. At first, I was sure it was going to be one of those things that just spiked my sketchiness. Thankfully, it twisted into a movie I was no longer worried about. The only thing I have to say after watching that movie, is if it happens, I hope that I’m one of the first ones to die (and painlessly) or that I’ve got some of those passes.

I had planned on doing a ton of cleaning while the kids were gone. But of course, when the kids are gone, my bigger priority is sleep. So I got a couple extra hours of that. I think after the kids go to bed tonight, The Boyfriend and I will try to get at least the upstairs tidied up more…

Tomorrow is Kaeidyn’s Sparkle Day. She keeps wanting to do her earrings for it, but everyone’s already seen her earrings. So I’m trying to talk her into something else. She got a new bracelet, so maybe I can convince her to do that.

Kenzie’s been playing games almost non-stop since yesterday, the joys of being at Alfie’s. He has no interest in playing now that he’s home. He wants to sleep, but it’s still just a little bit too early, unless I want to be up at 4 AM!! Keirnan’s trying really hard to get the talking thing down, but everything’s still coming out just sounding like “uh eh”.  I think he’s starting to get frustrated.

Carter is growing at a rapid pace and is staying awake alot longer than before. He’s motoring everywhere now. The best place to put him now is in his Jolly Jumper. He loves that thing now that he fits really good in it.

Today, I had a moment of feeling accomplished. My brother was over and he wasn’t being annoying or anything like that, but I’m more and more worried about him and it’s obvious that more and more people are less worried about him. I called Mental Health to find out their walk-in times behind Goober’s back, and then I asked him if he’d like to go for a ride. I was expecting him to just say “Yes”, but of course, he had to ruin it and ask “Where we going?”. So I told him that I’d like to take him down to the walk-in at mental health.

After promising him I wouldn’t leave him there, he said he’d be fine with going. So the next time I can get Alfie to watch the kids, I think The Boyfriend, Carter and I are going to take Goober down and see if we can’t figure out some way to get my brother on the path to independent functionality.

So it’s The Boyfriend’s birthday today!!! You’d barely be able to tell, other than the phone calls for him today. No real celebration over here. We’ve both been on electronics all day, him playing games and me working on blog/site stuff. Hopefully we’ll get a chance to celebrate later…

Two blog milestones have been hit this week. First was two people admitting to read the blogs that weren’t related (one reads this blog, the other reads the XXX Rated Rantings), and I got my first WTMFI Wednesdays comment!! So hooray!

Times have been trying these last couple of days. And my brother seems to be doing worse everyday. I don’t think he’s sleeping much, as he spends most of the night stalking around outside of my house, as I discovered last night…

The Boyfriend started his one week holiday yesterday. Somehow, he managed to stay up really late with me. At about one in the morning, Goober shows up on my doorstep. I fake that we’re all asleep and don’t answer the door. He stands on my doorstep for about 15 minutes, talking to himself and finally leaves.

At about four, he comes back and Kaeidyn had woken up because she had laid on her ears for too long. Since she got them pierced, when she lays on her sides, the backs of the earring poke into her neck. Well she hears him knock at the door, at four in the morning and goes to let him in. Both The Boyfriend and I tell her not to, and we turn everything off and convince her to go back down to bed. He sits outside, on the car, for the next twenty minutes talking to himself. Then he stands up, and takes off all his sweaters, and stares into our window with just his T-shirt and pants on. Another ten minutes goes by, and he finally leaves.

Today, he slightly admitted to the fact that he’s not alright, when he said that being at Mama T’s place is tripping him out. And I feel incredibly bad for him. The big sister in me, wants to take him into my house and keep my watchful eye over him. But then I remember what it’s like when he is here, and I’m in no way prepared to take him in full-time. The couple hours a day is almost to the point of ending, because I’m sick of ending every visit with him yelling at him to get the f*** out of my house!

Even the kids can’t stand the way he is. Kaeidyn gets incredibly angry at him when he talks to himself and will sit there going, “Uncle, stop talking to yourself. You’re acting crazy!”, or when he stares at anyone and she notices, she’ll saying “Uncle, you’re staring again.” It makes her very uncomfortable to be around him, and she picks up on my annoyance with him the second I feel it.

He needs to get some serious mental help. And he’s so worried that they’ll lock him up in an institution and force him to take meds, and that the family will completely disown him, that he won’t even consider it. Mama T’s boyfriend, Chef, also has Goober convinced that the only road to sanity is to get a job. And since Goober believes him and Chef went through an almost similar experience with Ketamine, Goober believes that what Chef says is the only thing in the world that makes sense. So everytime you tell him that mental health is what he should be focusing on, he says “Chef says I need to work a camp job. But I don’t want a camp job. So I’m just looking for one really hard in town here.” Every once in and awhile he’ll throw in that no one will hire him because he’s a “punk”.

I’m not sure what to do for him or where to go from here with this whole thing. A part of me wants to just write him out of my life for good. Not answer the door when he comes over, ignore him when I see him in public. But another part of me, thinks that’s terribly heartless and wants to scoop him up and save him and mother him. This whole week has been all about trying to make a decision… Unfortunately, I haven’t come up with anything yet…

Well that’s all I had to write. Anyone got words of advice?

I seriously think my brother comes over to my house, just to piss me off. For the last three days, everytime he comes over here, he ends up getting kicked out. And half the time he ignores me until I start getting really angry.

He sits there staring at everybody, and Kaeidyn gets right mad at him for that. And then he talks to himself constantly. He’ll laugh out of nowhere, and it’s extremely annoying. Kaeidyn gets so mad at him and tells him to stop talking to himself. He gets told a thousand times to go back to Mama T’s house if he’s gonna act like that around here.

Everyday, it’s the same thing with him. He comes over here and spends the first hour staring at everyone, and being told to stop staring. So then he’ll stop, and then he starts talking to himself. I never go more than the fifth time of telling him to stop before I kick him out.

I wish that he would go get help so bad. Firstly, because I know he’s suffering. But mostly, it’s because I don’t want this burden anymore. I’m sick of him getting dumped on me, and then being too stubborn to admit anything’s wrong long enough to go get some decent help. Instead, he’s gonna stay in this state, and I’m getting to that point of wanting to tell him he’s not welcome here anymore. I don’t want someone around me, who so obviously has issues, and isn’t willing to do anything at all about it.

I’ve been having a couple super lazy days these last two or three days. I literally get up and find Kaeidyn’s clothes, and then fall asleep on the couch until it’s time to go pick her up. I’ve been completely exhausted, and I don’t even understand how. It’s not like I’ve been doing that much really. Working online alot, but other than that, dishes… But for some reason, I am always tired and always wanting to sleep.

The kids have all been doing really good. Kenzie’s started to get bored of playing games by himself all day. Good thing is, he’s playing alot less. Bad thing is, he’s constantly trying to talk people into playing games with him. Keirnan is still as much of a brat as he ever was. Getting into things all the time, the dishes is still his biggest one. At least three times a day, we’re kicking him out of the kitchen. He’s trying so hard to start talking, and so far, it’s not really working out for him.

Kaeidyn is going to get her ears pierced tomorrow (or at least that’s the plan so far!). I wanted to get them pierced when she was just a baby, but almost everyone else was against that, and it cost more when she was younger. Alfie and I are taking her to pick up her earrings tomorrow, and she’s super excited about it.

Carter and The Boyfriend have both been doing good. Carter’s been mostly happy, and wants to be moving so much more than he is. We have to watch him like hawks anywhere we put him now, because he motors so fast. He’s decided he likes falling off of the end of the couch, into a pile of clothes that sits there. He’s also been eating alot. He’s been showing signs of wanting to eat solids, but everytime we try it, he ends up throwing most of it up. He likes gravy alot though!

I need to do some serious cleaning around the house. When I was younger, you would’ve never guessed I could ever be the type of person who lets my house get the way it looks today (and this isn’t even the worst it’s been). I was a relatively tidy person and liked things to have their own place. I used to love cleaning the bathroom, and organizing papers and cupboards and junk. You’d never know it today…

I need to figure out a way to create some sort of routine or schedule that I can stick to. I need alot more structure, but not so much more structure that I can’t still be a flexible parent and girlfriend. Like I wish I had set laundry days, and a certain time dinner had to be ready, and a specific day that the bathroom gets cleaned. Because right now, with the “I’ll do it when I have the energy” routine, is not working. Leaving clothes in laundry baskets constantly, and then not knowing where any socks for Kaeidyn at school are, is getting tired now.

The Boyfriend is getting better for helping out a little bit more, but I don’t know exactly how long that will last. He’s been taking the garbage out everyday, he starts cleaning alot of things (and that’s good enough for me, because then all I have to do is finish), and he’s been helping me with the laundry.

You know, ultimately what I need is a single level house, with more of an open plan. Well no, ideally what I need is cleaning people. But until that becomes possible, I just need a house with no stairs. That makes cleaning alot more difficult for me. My knees start aching just from going up and down to go to the bathroom. Imagine if I were going up and down with loads of laundry, piles of toys and other junk. Then my house feels crowded, constantly (because it is!), and that makes cleaning that much more difficult.

I wish I still had those urges like I did when I was at the height of my depression, where all of a sudden, after weeks of having no energy at all, I’d have this huge spurt and decide to go on a cleaning binge. I wish I felt motivated to just do that once around here. Get it super clean, and then try really hard to keep it that way.

Urgh, so many things that I want to do and so not enough energy or time or money…