Posts Tagged ‘Doctor’

This week has been the longest week of my life. After two or three days of cleaning with Mama T, which didn’t even get done…, I pretty much spent the next two or three days trying to avoid dealing with absolutely anything.

My room and the kids’ sleeping room got nice and clean, even got the carpets shampooed. Even though Mama T went to the laundromat with stuff, I’m still doing loads that weren’t taken. I think I’ve done four in the last two days (stupid dryer…), and I’ve probably got at least ten left to go. That’s even after sorting through all the dirty clothes and just throwing out anything we weren’t keeping.

Today I got a little bit more cleaning done. I can’t wait until the kitchen is clean, I think I’ll be quite please when that happens. Don’t know when it’s going to happen, but it’s got to. I’ve pretty much kissed the concept of keeping my entire house clean goodbye, so for now I’ll just be happy with what I can get.

The weather has been pretty nice around here lately. It’s always a good time of year for me when the weather is nice. Because then the older kids spend most of the day outside. While that means that I’m getting up more often (to check on them), and listening to more whining (as they fight over the bike and the car), it’s a heck of alot quieter on the interior of the house!

Kaeidyn had yet another birthday party to go to today. That’s the third one this year! This time was the movie theater. Again, I didn’t get to take her, but luckily my aunt had no problem getting her there and back. I love that she’s a girly girl who likes to put make up on and play dress up and get her hair done. It forces me to be a little bit more girly.

Kenzie has been a brat these last couple of days. He’s got so much energy and he still doesn’t grasp the limitations of his strength. Today, he had to be completely grounded off of being anywhere near Carter because everytime he’d go near him, Carter would end up getting hurt. He comes to give me a kiss goodnight and bashes his head off my chin. He just rushes about so much, that it’s like he’s not paying attention to anything.

Keirnan seems like he’s been nothing but tears these last couple of days. He always seems to be whining about something. Someone took his toy, it’s too cold, it’s too hot, he’s bored. We had a nice long cuddle at the computer today after Kaeidyn left for her party, he was incredibly upset.

He’s been working hard on the talking thing. If you talk to someone else, like if you’re giving Kenzie heck, he’ll copy every word you say. The only problem is, all those words sound exactly the same. It just sounds like he’s repeating the same word over and over.

Carter, the little devil, is officially on the move, all the time. We can’t get him to stay still if our lives depended on it. He pulls himself up on the furniture with ease, he’s crawling like a crazy fiend, he’s even starting to sit by himself. I’m pretty sure he’s officially saying “Mama” too, it sure sounds like it.

I wish that I would’ve had what I have with him with the other kids. He’ll be in shambles, crying his heart out, and I’ll walk in the room and he hears my voice, and immediately his face lights up – and so does mine. He’s constantly wanting to cuddle me and be held by me, and I’m not even breastfeeding all the time anymore.

I feel differently about him as a baby than I did about the other kids as babies. Yes, I loved them all to death as babies. But I was so in that depressed state, that I never really enjoyed them as babies. I didn’t play with them alot as babies, I didn’t hold them all the time. With Carter, I’m just in this mental state where I can be receptive to him and be giving to him. At least I have that with the older kids now, I just keep thinking I wish I would’ve had it then.

This last week has been trying on my entire being, especially physically and emotionally. I think I have reached over the five mark on the pain scale, ten being the highest. It seems like everyday I discover a new muscle, with it’s aches and pains right behind it. Today, it feels like the muscle that’s used to pull my shoulder blades together, is literally throbbing. When I woke up this morning, and right up until it got dark, it was my feet and ankles. Yesterday, it was all in my knees.

Then to make all matters worse, I’m still freaking bleeding. It’s been six months since I had Carter, and I’ve had maybe a total now of ten days without bleeding, but other than that, bleeding. It seriously can’t be healthy to bleed for six months!!! I need to see my doctor about it, but I fear that it will all be chalked up to the depo, and then I’ll be taken off of that and forced to go to some other method. And so far, this method is working out really well for me.

I’m not one of those people who easily remembers to take a pill everyday. I’ve never used a tampon, so the idea of the Nuva-Ring scares the heck out of me. I’ve been having sex without a condom, since I started having sex, and it doesn’t make any sense to me whatsoever to go back to it, when I’m only having sex with the father of my baby! I think before I think about it too much, I should just call my doctor tomorrow.

Tomorrow… It’s going to be a busy day. I’ve gotta walk Kaeidyn to school in the morning (YAY for Alfie working…), then I absolutely need to call H&R Block about getting my taxes done – which I’m hoping they’ll be able to do even though I don’t have ID (which I need to do something about sometime soon), I need to call a couple other places and hopefully go cash a check tomorrow.

It’s also Kenzie’s birthday tomorrow! He officially turns the big 4. We’ve sort of planned having a party for him on Saturday, though I don’t know exactly what we’re doing or where or what time or who’s coming. All details to figure out this week. It’s hard to believe that Kenzie’s been around for four years, he still seems so young. I’m totally recounting the story of his birth to him tomorrow. “It was a bright, sunny day. Don’t worry, at the end of this story there is great pain and gushes of blood…”

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Yesterday, Kaeidyn missed school because of the sudden onset of a cold (probably from running around outside without her jacket on…). Then, Keirnan had a dentist appointment. It’s going to be four months until we can get him in for his teeth. Now, not only will he need to get the top four teeth pulled, he’ll also be getting a cap in an upper back tooth, and a filling on each side on the bottom! It’s also going to cost me almost $200 more than it would’ve if I got it done last year when we had it scheduled for. Darn his runny nose then.

We have been trying Carter on formula constantly these last couple of days. He’s refusing to take it at all. The second you stick the bottle in his mouth, he starts wailing. He won’t take his rice cereal either. The only type of solid food we’ve been able to get him to eat so far is mashed potatoes. The other day we went up to The Boyfriend’s sister’s place for one of her kids’ birthday parties, had a delicious turkey dinner (my all time favourite holiday meal!), and Carter mowed down on mashed potatoes and gravy. But formula and rice cereal, he hates…

I’ve been in an incredible amount of pain these last couple of days, hence the lack of writing. I’m not sure if it’s the way I’m sleeping, or the fact that I’ve been pretty lazy this last little while, but I feel weak and all my muscles are sore and tired. Yesterday, I was spread out on the couch all day, trying to find a comfortable position for my spasming back.

I went to get my depo shot too yesterday (finally!), and the nurse asks, “When was your last period?”, and I say, “Well, I’ve kind of mostly been bleeding since I had Carter, maybe a week in total of not bleeding.”, so she says, “Well, how old is Carter?”, I say, “About 5 months.” So now, I have to make yet another doctor’s appointment and see if I can’t get my hormone levels tested. I considered picking up a pregnancy test the other day, but fear consumed me while we were looking through the isle.

I don’t think I’m pregnant again, if that’s what everyone’s thinking. I mean, there’s an extremely slim possibility, as there is with any girl using birth control as her only form of protection. But I’m pretty positive it’s not pregnant, but I definetely think something might be up. Maybe it’s just a reaction to the depo or because I’m still recovering from pregnancy, but I think something’s not right, because I feel too crappy for everything to be fine.

Mama T finally gets back from B.C. today. So tomorrow, I’ll finally get to go see Goober. Mama T originally asked that I didn’t go see Goober, because he’s convinced when I go out there, he gets to come home. And it most likely wouldn’t be like that. So Mama T was sure that it would upset him. I wasn’t originally gonna listen to Mama T, but when I asked Goober’s social worker about it, he agreed with Mama T. I’ve talked to Goober everyday since he’s been in there, and all he can talk about is wanting to come home. Unfortunately, he doesn’t really have a home to come home to.

He can’t come and live with me, for a variety of reasons. The most prominent two being I don’t have the room for him, and until he’s healthy, he upsets the kids too much. It’s pretty bad when my three-year-old says, “Uncle, stop staring at me.”, or “Uncle, stop talking to yourself.” And Mama T has pretty much said no, because it wasn’t really working out him being over there.

Our greatest hope is that he’ll actually get help. He’s already talking about stopping taking his meds once he gets out, and not seeing a psychiatrist, because he’s really convinced that there’s nothing wrong with him. I think that’s what’s making his doctor’s and social worker most worried. I hope he doesn’t come home, still sick….

Other than that, life around here has been pretty boring the last couple of days. Oh yeah, did I tell you, the kids broke my camera? So here I was all excited about being able to take new pictures since I finally found my camera, and then nope, it’s broken… Oh well, goes on our list of things to buy.

Today has been a day to say the least, and I almost gave The  Boyfriend a heart attack, which is either kind of funny, or really sad 😉

So this morning, The Boyfriend brought home a new entertainment stand that we’ve been eyeing for about a month now. He stayed up almost all day getting it set up, and boy does it look pretty. The good thing about it, is it’s going to clear up the 3 small movie shelves we’ve got, and the TV no longer sits on an un-sturdy, old casino table that I got almost 5 years ago from Wal-Mart.

After he was all done building the thing, I asked if we could go to Wal-Mart to pick up formula for Carter. He’s showing alot of interest in solids, but the second he’s given them, he just spits it all out. The only thing he seems to enjoy at all is mashed potatoes, but I don’t want to give him too much of that. I’ve never had to go through the “transition”. The only kid other than Carter that I got to breastfeed for any length of time was Kenzie, and he was so hungry that it didn’t matter what it tasted like.

He doesn’t like the formula, at all! He chews on the nipple and the second the formula gets in his mouth, he makes a face then starts wailing. He’ll hold the formula that is in his mouth in there, until he starts making a choking type noise and then swallows. Then when you try to put the  bottle back in his mouth, he just shakes his head back and forth. So I’m gonna keep trying, and then I’ll breastfeed him. As long as he’s getting a little bit, it’s more than what he’s getting from me.

So we ended up replacing the office chair that we’ve had at the computer desk, because the screws were starting to tear through the padding (so the chair became extremely uncomfortable to sit on). I built the chair with the kids, and it’s so comfy. It’ll be perfect for the kids on the computer too, because it lifts up and down.

It was nice to be able to get to spend some time alone with The Boyfriend today. My cousin came by and watched all the kids (by herself!), so we could run to Wal-Mart. I got more make-up stuff, and now my make-up kit is almost full. Just need some liquid eyeliner and once I get my eyebrows shaped and learn how, an eyebrow pencil and I’ve got everything I want/need. We finally got Star Trek (the newer movie), which we’ve been talking about getting since it came out.

Kaeidyn’s got a birthday party tomorrow, and she insisted we get her friend Barbies. So we got some cheap princess barbie dolls, and a little princess set with shoes for her. Kaeidyn gets to go bowling for the first time ever tomorrow. It should be very interesting.

So you’re probably curious how I gave The Boyfriend a heart attack earlier today, eh? I teased that I thought I was pregnant again. These last couple of days, I seem to be pretty emotional. Which, prior to The Boyfriend and I’s relationship, wouldn’t be cause for concern. That’s pretty much how you could’ve described me, without being mean. Since being with The Boyfriend, it’s taken alot to make me cry, unless I’m pregnant (which has only happened once, so it’s not like there’s alot of evidence behind it ;))

A couple days back, when Goober first landed in the hospital, they wouldn’t let me talk to him, wouldn’t even tell me he was there. So I called his ER doctor (after hours), and tried my hardest to keep it together, but I was pretty upset. So by the end of the message I left, I was sobbing like a little girl. So much so, that when the secretary returned the message, she left the number and said “It sounds like you were a little upset, and I had problems understanding everything you said, so please return our call at…”

Then today, I had to pay back an old buddy of mine, who I know through Alfie. I’ve known him for many many years, and I’ve seen him treat previous girlfriends pretty crappily, and they normally treat him the same. Today, I saw something that not only brought back a thousand memories, but that cut me to the bone!

I’m sitting on his couch, and his girlfriend comes out of their room. She goes to the fridge and grabs a beer. Puts it down on the coffee table and asks for a lighter so she can go out for a smoke. All of a sudden, my (ex) buddy starts yelling at her that she’s stupid and retarded and when she’s outside having her smoke she might as well just jump off the balcony. My jaw dropped open and my eyes welled up.

I walked out of the building and immediately burst in to tears. And it kept running through my head that that was the most terrible and uncomfortable thing I had ever been through. Then I remembered that, that used to be my life. The only difference is, unlike the girlfriend, I would’ve walked up and slapped him in the face and then I would’ve ran like hell, trying to avoid the return hit.

I came home and told The Boyfriend and I just kept saying that I felt so bad for this girl. And he kept looking at me, his eyebrow cocked like he always does. Realizing what he was getting at, I just said, “I can’t believe I went through alot of the same stuff for almost six years!”, and then I just kept saying it.

See, while Alfie and I fought, pretty much all the time and while Alfie was a prick to me (in a way, not buddies way…), he never once called me stupid or retarded in front of his friends. He never once told me to kill or hurt myself, instead he saved me from hurting myself twice – even if one of those times was purely out of annoyance.

Before The Boyfriend, I didn’t mind fighting at all. I used to start arguments with people, just for the sake of starting an argument.  After spending the last year and a half, with virtually no arguing whatsoever, it just completely overwhelmed me. And that’s how the worst parts of the crap that I went through started, and right before my eyes flashed this poor girl’s future, if she chose to stay with buddy.

It starts with arguing, then it turns into name calling and put downs, and then it escalates into physical harm. Hands, stairwells and keyboards have all taught me that. And it just gets such control over you. Logically, in my head, I knew way before it got physical that I should leave. Do you think I could?

Do you think once it got physical, I left? Nope. And it almost sickens me to think that I used to almost egg it on, and after Alfie and I split ways and that physicalness was gone (a few months after we split ways), I almost missed it and craved it.

The upside to the whole situation, if there even is one, is that it really made me aware of how wonderful The Boyfriend is. More than once, I’ve given him good reason to yell and scream at me – and I mean that literally. And somehow, he has been able to calm himself to the point where we can just talk about it. Even though a few times, he’s kind of hit below the belt (without meaning to) verbally, we talk. We don’t yell, we don’t hit, we don’t call each other names.

I came home from buddies place, and wrapped my arms so tight around The Boyfriend just kissing and hugging him. I am honestly so lucky to have him. Even though some of the shit he does ticks me off sometimes, I wouldn’t trade him for all the world. The whole experience just made me appreciate my relationship so much more, so much more.

Well, I have some other adult-type writing to do now. So, I hope your night finds you in good health and great comfort.

This morning, I woke up and got ready to take Kaeidyn to school.  I had completely forgotten that it was St. Patrick’s Day and that she was supposed to wear green to school today. Fortunately, I had made her wear her camo pants today (which she claims are boy pants, but I don’t care, because she looks adorable in them ;)), which had green in them.

So then I walk her into her classroom, like I do every Wednesday (the only day of the week that I’m in charge of taking her to and from school), and all the shoes on the indoor shoe shelf have all been moved to different spots, which just confused the heck out of her. Then she walked further into her class.

Well apparently, a leprechaun came into the room and trashed it. Markers were flung across the room, chairs at the tables were flipped upside down. This, of course, made Kaeidyn incredibly excited. For the rest of the day, when anything moved from one position to another, it was because of the leprechaun.

It was a gorgeous day here today. Warm enough that I comfortably went outside with a sweater, which is saying alot, being that I’m normally the one whose always cold, even when everyone else is complaining they’re hot. I’ve been going through summer withdrawal mighty hard after the awesome summer we had last year, so immediately I had an urge to go for a walk.

For the first time, in what’s felt like forever, Kaeidyn, Kenzie, Keirnan, Carter, The Boyfriend and I all went to the part. It’s been along time since we’ve been able to leave the house, all at one time, all together (Man, I hope we get a bigger vehicle really soon!). We all went over to Kaeidyn’s school to play at the park, which we’ve been promising her we were going to do forever.

We didn’t stay too long, because the wind picked up about 15 minutes after we left the house, and Carter was only in the Snugli, so it was pretty chilly for him after awhile. I was surprised at how easily all the kids were to get off the park. I told them, “One more time down the slide”, so they each took their turn, and we walked home.

Kaeidyn noticed a messy yard, and tried convincing us all the way home that it was the leprechauns. Then when we got home, the kids got to play outside for quite awhile. Keirnan was the first to come in, complaining of cold hands. I guess that’s what he gets for  playing in the puddles. Kenzie was the next one in. I think he just wanted to take his pants off.

We had him doing so good, wearing underwear or pants. Now though, it’s almost impossible. He’s also constantly grabbing at himself, like it’s a newly discovered toy. I don’t want to scare him away from touching himself, so we tell him to go downstairs to his bedroom or the bathroom to play with himself, because that’s just what you do. He’ll normally get upset when he’s told this, and I’m not sure why.

Kaeidyn stayed outside the longest, because she’s met a couple kids on the street that she likes. I’m personally, not fond of many of the kids on our street. We had the cops come to talk to all the kids that were out on the street, not paying attention to oncoming cars. Today, some little kid was swinging a stick around in the middle of the street trying to smash snow piles, and a van came up behind him and was waiting forever, even after honking, for him to move out of the street. And a bunch of the kids are like that.

I’ve had the kids from this street dig holes in my yard, draw on my house, and throw pine cones at the car. And frankly, I’m getting quite sick of it. The good thing though, is that my kids know to stay in the yard. They get one warning after stepping one foot off the sidewalk in front of the house.

Keirnan was talking up a storm today on our walk, asking questions, telling us what he was doing. He saw a school bus and started yelling out bus clear as day. As a mom, I’m always wanting my kids to grow up and become independent. With Keirnan, I’m always like, “I wish he would hurry up and talk already”, with Carter, “I can’t wait until he starts crawling”. Kaeidyn is was walking and Kenzie it was talking to (because he had the annoying “eh, eh” thing that Keirnan’s just starting to get out of). Then it happens, and I’m all like, “Oh, my babies are growing up so fast. Why can’t they just be babies again?” I guess it’s just another one of those vicious circles.

I’ve spent the last two days pretty much curled up on the couch watching TV, because I’ve been in an incredible amount of pain. The pharmacist warned me that the pills I’m on could cause me to have some stomach upset. The last two days, all my stomach upset has been right underneath of my ribs, much like the pain I had when I passed gallstones (or at least, that’s the best the doctor’s could figure), just much milder. Then, to top that all off, my knees, back and neck are all hurting as bad as they did when I was pregnant with Carter. I wanna blame it on the meds…

Well, Carter’s awake, so I better go and feed him. I think I caught up on everything I had planned to 😉

Today, Carter and I had a doctor’s appointment. It went pretty well. Carter is doing great, though he dropped from being in the 80th percentile in his weight, down to the 25th percentile. I knew he wasn’t gaining much from my breast milk alone.

At first I was disappointed to hear it, especially being that I think he feels ridiculously heavy. I have a hard time holding him for the length of a breastfeeding, because I think he’s so heavy. But since his last appointment at about 2 months, he’s only gained 2 lbs. So the doctor suggested we try out some solids and maybe start supplementing with formula. I was disappointed, but then I thought about the fact that I’ve been breastfeeding for five months, and only breastfeeding. The only other kid I breastfed for any length of time was Kenzie and that was just a little over a month.

I got my depo prescription filled, and now have to go get that injected. Complained about the pain in my knee, which keeps coming and going. When I was pregnant, it hurt all the time. Now, it goes in and out of hurting. So I got an x-ray, though it showed nothing, so I got an oral and topical anti-inflammatory. Then I mentioned the sketchiness at night, and was given some Ativan.

I know I’ve heard about Ativan, though I can’t remember much about it. The doctor knows that I’m breastfeeding, though the warning says not to use it while you’re breastfeeding. So before I start taking that one, I’ll be calling my local pharmacist. I’ve been “seeing” the same pharmacist (in a very informal manner) since I moved here. He’s a great pharmacist. He describes each medication in detail, lists off commonly reported side effects, and has the answers to my sometimes obvious answered questions. I just realized, that I don’t even know his name… I just know he’s the pharmacist at Wal-Mart 😉

The other day, we whipped out the electric razor, and now Keirnan has no hair (yes, we even got rid of his little rat tail that he’s had since birth!), Kenzie has much shorter hair, though his needs a touch up because he kept jumping all over the place. And Kaeidyn was jealous that the boys got their hair cut with the razor, so I cut her bangs with it. They all look so different when they get their hair cut. Kenzie especially. He looks much more skinny with less hair on his head 😉

Keirnan said his first full and very clear sentence today. “What’s this movie?” was the question he blurted out at Alfie. I couldn’t believe how clear it was. I believe completely that Keirnan can talk, he just doesn’t want to. He knows if he doesn’t, his sister or brother will step in and talk for him. The Boyfriend says he was the same way growing up. And that makes me think that I applaud any woman in the entire world, who raises boys without a man around. Because I would be completely lost!

Kenzie has been playing less and less games it seems. And it almost seems like it’s happened completely naturally. He doesn’t like being secluded away from everyone so much. If I fall asleep on the couch while Kaeidyn’s at school, then he’ll play the Wii. But other than that, he asks about them still, but hardly ever plays them. It’s been really good.

I’ve been feeling overwhelmed these last couple of days, though still in really good spirits. The messes in the house keep piling up and seem harder and harder to maintain (especially with how tired I’ve been these last couple of days), the kids seem to be getting louder and louder (especially Carter who seems to only cry and eat and sleep!) and even though I’m hardly doing anything, by the end of the day I feel tired and sore and stressed about the day to come.

I was also disappointed today at the doctor’s, when I stepped upon the scale and it creeped past the 136 lbs I was the last time I weighed myself. I won’t tell you where it’s at, because I’m still in denial, but I will tell you that I’m absolutely not happy with it. I need to start doing more cardio and ab workouts and get rid of my baby pooch…

This is so unlike me, writing so little. Now that there’s no NaBloPoMo to be accountable to, I just forget to write. Not only that, I’ve been busy working on so many things online, that I keep spending more time on that stuff than this stuff.

I’ve been researching a bunch to start thinking about getting lessons up on The Art Of… blog. Then I was checking out Google Sites last night, and decided to make one site. So, The Rantings of a Tortured Mind – The Rantings Network Headquarters, was born.

A little about The Rantings Network. Firstly, it includes all the online activities that I’m doing which include:

I also have a Ning Network and a Facebook Fan Page in the works, though no real content has gone up yet. I’m hoping to change that soon. Once all these sites are complete with content, I’m gonna start promoting the heck out of them, that way I’m sure I’m getting visitors.

Today has felt like an incredibly long day, though not much has happened. I woke up this morning in a rotten mood, but then shortly after I woke up, I got this mad desire to clean. Last night, Keirnan had gotten into the soya sauce and spilt it down the side of the stove. So I did some dishes and cleaned most of the counters and stove off. Eventually, hopefully before we go grocery shopping next, I’ll get that fridge cleaned out.

I have so many things that I need to get done around this house. Laundry is starting to pile up like crazy again, and it’s so hard to keep track of clean clothes and dirty clothes. I have 3 dressers between 6 people! So alot of the clothes stay in laundry baskets. If it were just me, I would most likely be able to keep track of what’s clean and what’s dirty. But with three kids and a boyfriend going through the laundry baskets and throwing clothes in and out of laundry baskets, it’s extremely hard to keep track of it all.

My back has been hurting really bad all day today. Right in between my shoulder area. The Boyfriend rubbed my back twice tonight and it’s seemed to do nothing at all for me. Maybe a nice little workout will help out.

I was on a roll with working out. I did three days and then took a day break and then I did another three days. It’s been two or three days now of not doing a workout, and I’m kind of craving one. My body is definitely not what it used to be. I was attempting a yoga workout the other day, and my balance and flexibility is so off compared to what it used to be. Before kids, I could do the splits and stand on one foot while I lifted the other foot above my head. Now, I can hardly touch my toes and it’s incredibly difficult for me to stand on one foot for any length of time.

The kids are all doing very good. Kaeidyn’s now opened up to the idea of liking Lukas, a boy in her class. Today she says to me, “I think I might be Lukas’ girlfriend”. The only time she doesn’t like talking about Lukas is when Alfie is around. He teases her and she takes it very personally. She doesn’t like that Daddy thinks it’s funny. I explained to her the other day when we were coming home from school, that he wasn’t making fun of her, that it was that he was excited for her. When I told her that it was because, for the rest of her life we’ll be able to tell her about Lukas, her first crush, she changed her mind about not liking Lukas and finally admitted it, though we knew it a long time ago 😉

Keirnan has had an obsession with water these last couple of days. If I leave water in the sink, he goes out and plays with it. Twice now, he’s gotten in trouble for playing in the toilet downstairs. My brother comes over and leaves cups of water everywhere, and Keirnan sticks his hand in them. Needless to say, we’ve been dealing with alot of wetness.

Kenzie’s been doing pretty good, though I don’t think he could say “Mommy” more in a day. He’ll literally sit on the floor and just go, “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy”.  The first thing I still hear every morning is, “Can I play a game?”, and now it’s switched from Lego: Star Wars in the kitchen, to wanting to play games on the Wii in the living room. The good thing about that is that he’s not playing games very often at all, because I normally tend to be watching TV or don’t want to listen to Kaeidyn and Kenzie fight over whether they’re going to play Tennis or Sword Fighting.

Carter is officially rolling over from his back to his stomach. He’s been doing his stomach to his back for awhile now, and just yesterday started back to stomach. He’s even starting to sit by himself. But he’s been incredibly clingy, always wanting someone to hold him. Luckily, The Boyfriend’s been home for a couple days and has been an incredible help.

The Boyfriend had two days off, and on his second day off woke up in the middle of the night with a horrible pain in his tooth. He called in sick that night and the next night went to the doctor. He walked out with a prescription for pain meds, anti-inflammatories, and amoxicillin. The doctor told him he had to take another night off work so that he could see how he reacted to the medication.

Unfortunately, he had to go back to work tonight. Though, only five more days of work  until he has a week off for his birthday. March 3rd, my man is officially as old as I am. Things have been doing better for us, though I go in and out of it constantly during the day. Hopefully we’ll get over this hump, and hopefully it will be soon.

Well, I guess that’s all I really have to write. Hopefully it won’t be so long until the next time 😉

Today is being yet another crappy day this week. It seems like this week has been made up of nothing but crappy days. I hate to complain, but I really don’t think that I like life at all this week.

The Boyfriend and I seem to be having a rough time, even though I think he’s completely unaware of it. I think he thinks things are all great and fine. Though internally, I seem to be constantly awaiting the demise of our relationship. I feel like I’m not getting what I need or want, I’m not getting enough help, I’m just not getting enough. Maybe I’m being too picky. And I haven’t really communicated it all with him recently.

I seriously don’t feel like instructing him on how to be a good boyfriend. I feel like we’ve passed that point. It used to be so different, and now I just feel like he’s being lazy and not putting any effort into anything really. And I could just be being hyper sensitive or whatever, but it’s been almost an entire week of everyday being unhappy with something to do with him.

From not taking out the garbage, to not holding Carter enough (and giving me a break!), to saying I can sleep in and then it doesn’t happen, to not having any sex whatsoever. And it’s beginning to take it’s toll. This morning, he comes down when he first gets home from work and asks if I want to sleep longer. I say, “I don’t want to get up yet” and he says he’ll let me sleep. A little bit later, the kids all come down to my room, and say they’re hungry and The Boyfriend is sleeping. Sure enough, he had fallen asleep upstairs and it ticked me off to no end. If you’re tired and you don’t want to let me sleep in, or don’t think that you can make it for a couple of hours, freaking tell me!

I just feel like our relationship has officially reached this point where we’re standing completely still. We’re not moving forward, or backwards, just not moving at all. It’s not like things are that different. It’s always been like this, just before I was willing to put up with alot more of it. Now, I’m freaking exhausted and lonely, and I don’t want to put up with it anymore. If I’m going to be basically alone, I might as well be alone.

I can’t even truly be mad at him, because most of this stuff can be blamed on his job. And he loves his job and needs to continue working it. He probably wouldn’t be able to find anything better right now when it came to jobs. I don’t want to constantly be saying to him that I hate his job and blame a majority of the problems that we do have completely on his job. But lately, all I’ve been thinking about, is when we first started dating he assured me that he wouldn’t be on nights in a year. It’s been over that, and there is no light to the end of this tunnel. There has been no advances towards a daytime position, unless he wants to drop down to part time. Did I mention, we have four kids?!?!?!?

My brother being back in town is becoming super stressful. He goes in and out of seeming normal so fast it’s ridiculous. I don’t know what to do for him at all and that stresses me out the most. I can’t help him right now, and there’s no one else who will. And I feel so bad for him.

The kids are all doing relatively good. Kenzie had a two day grounding from games, because he wouldn’t help clean the playroom. So the rule was until the playroom was clean he wasn’t allowed to play games. On the second day, the rule changed to, if the room isn’t cleaned by dinner time, toys are getting thrown in the garbage. So there’s about a garbage bag full of toys downstairs, and they finally picked up most of their toys.

Kaeidyn had her Valentine’s Day Party at school yesterday. Alfie and I have been bugging her constantly about this boy named Lukas in her class. I think Kaeidyn has a huge crush on him, though she denies it at all costs. Alfie sings to her “Kaeidyn and Lukas, sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage”, and Kaeidyn gets so mad. But everytime she sees Lukas, she laughs at everything he does and then after will say “Oh my Gosh”, in this extremely exaggerated and dramatic voice. Trying to get his attention 😉

Keirnan is finally starting to pick up on more words. Today he was playing games with Kenzie and Kenzie yells at Kaeidyn “It’s a 2-player”, so Keirnan turns around and yells out “2-player”. He’s getting it slowly. Carter’s been pretty good these last couple of days, though his teeth are killing him and he tends to be pretty whiny about it. He’s really starting to show a personality now though. Certain things make him smile, and he loves being tickled. He loves trying to copy other people too, especially if it involves sticking your tongue out. He thinks that’s the greatest and tries to imitate everytime.

My knees are acting up again. I thought it was gone. After I had Carter, my knees lessened up in the hurting department and only got sore if I was going up and down the stairs too much or walking alot. Then out of nowhere, I woke up in the middle of the night, with a shooting pain down my leg and ever since then, my knee has been aching like crazy. Luckily, I have to go see the doctor soon for another shot of depo, so I’ll be talking to him about my knee pain then.

So I guess that’s really all I have to say. Now it’s time to go wake The Boyfriend up so that he can go to the store, and then it’s time to feed Carter… Again!