Posts Tagged ‘Dating’

Today is being a bad day and I’ve only been awake for about half an hour. After letting The Boyfriend sleep almost everyday he’s had off, for the past long while, until whenever he wakes up or at least until noon, he finally let me have a sleep in day where he actually stayed awake with the kids.

Problems with this whole thing. He came and woke me up at 9:30 AM, I was exhausted and didn’t get out of bed. This probably made him a little angry because he was hoping to be in bed by 10 AM. But I don’t count 9:30 as sleeping in, when most mornings when Kaeidyn doesn’t have school, I stay in bed until 9:30 anyways!

I got out of bed at 11:30, he didn’t say a single word to me, until half an hour later when he decided he was going to bed. He gets up, comes over to me, “I’m going to sleep”, kisses me on the top of the head and heads downstairs.

This graveyard bullshit is seriously starting to hurt our relationship. I hate hate hate that he gets to sleep pretty much all day long, and I almost never get to sleep in. And when I do, he manages without even trying, to make me feel guiltier than sin for sleeping past 10 AM when he wants to go to sleep.

I don’t even know. I’m sick of being given the silent treatment every time I didn’t do exactly as he had planned. If I have Alfie over after he goes to work, I get the cold shoulder the whole day. If I sleep in too late, I don’t get spoken to.

I’m too mad to even be happy about the fact that he spent this morning cleaning the kitchen floor, a job that I’ve been avoiding. It’s just been really rough for me and I’m not sure why.

I keep thinking about how when we first started dating, he’d play with the kids. He made them an entire fort and suits of armor  out of cardboard so that they could all play with the Nerf guns he bought them. He used to wrestle all the time with Kenzie.

Now I feel like all he ever does is lecture or argue with the kids. I just get this incredible feeling that he’s no longer interested in my kids, and any feelings he may have had for them (which in the beginning, I was sure he had alot) are now all gone.

Days like to today make me feel like the whole world is just taking advantage of me. I don’t even know how to explain that more at this point. It’s like with Alfie and Goober, they come here and smoke all my smokes (or at least constantly ask if they can have some), they eat at least one meal a day here, they drink my Sprite, they use up electricity on the games and computer – and I don’t see a single cent from them.

Even The Boyfriend, when he gets paid, even though he’s eating here and sharing in all the other habits we have formed, he’ll buy games before helping out with bills or rent. I have to tell him to pick up groceries, he won’t just do it himself. I’m getting sick of taking care of three grown men and four young kids! I’m only one woman!

Today is being yet another crappy day this week. It seems like this week has been made up of nothing but crappy days. I hate to complain, but I really don’t think that I like life at all this week.

The Boyfriend and I seem to be having a rough time, even though I think he’s completely unaware of it. I think he thinks things are all great and fine. Though internally, I seem to be constantly awaiting the demise of our relationship. I feel like I’m not getting what I need or want, I’m not getting enough help, I’m just not getting enough. Maybe I’m being too picky. And I haven’t really communicated it all with him recently.

I seriously don’t feel like instructing him on how to be a good boyfriend. I feel like we’ve passed that point. It used to be so different, and now I just feel like he’s being lazy and not putting any effort into anything really. And I could just be being hyper sensitive or whatever, but it’s been almost an entire week of everyday being unhappy with something to do with him.

From not taking out the garbage, to not holding Carter enough (and giving me a break!), to saying I can sleep in and then it doesn’t happen, to not having any sex whatsoever. And it’s beginning to take it’s toll. This morning, he comes down when he first gets home from work and asks if I want to sleep longer. I say, “I don’t want to get up yet” and he says he’ll let me sleep. A little bit later, the kids all come down to my room, and say they’re hungry and The Boyfriend is sleeping. Sure enough, he had fallen asleep upstairs and it ticked me off to no end. If you’re tired and you don’t want to let me sleep in, or don’t think that you can make it for a couple of hours, freaking tell me!

I just feel like our relationship has officially reached this point where we’re standing completely still. We’re not moving forward, or backwards, just not moving at all. It’s not like things are that different. It’s always been like this, just before I was willing to put up with alot more of it. Now, I’m freaking exhausted and lonely, and I don’t want to put up with it anymore. If I’m going to be basically alone, I might as well be alone.

I can’t even truly be mad at him, because most of this stuff can be blamed on his job. And he loves his job and needs to continue working it. He probably wouldn’t be able to find anything better right now when it came to jobs. I don’t want to constantly be saying to him that I hate his job and blame a majority of the problems that we do have completely on his job. But lately, all I’ve been thinking about, is when we first started dating he assured me that he wouldn’t be on nights in a year. It’s been over that, and there is no light to the end of this tunnel. There has been no advances towards a daytime position, unless he wants to drop down to part time. Did I mention, we have four kids?!?!?!?

My brother being back in town is becoming super stressful. He goes in and out of seeming normal so fast it’s ridiculous. I don’t know what to do for him at all and that stresses me out the most. I can’t help him right now, and there’s no one else who will. And I feel so bad for him.

The kids are all doing relatively good. Kenzie had a two day grounding from games, because he wouldn’t help clean the playroom. So the rule was until the playroom was clean he wasn’t allowed to play games. On the second day, the rule changed to, if the room isn’t cleaned by dinner time, toys are getting thrown in the garbage. So there’s about a garbage bag full of toys downstairs, and they finally picked up most of their toys.

Kaeidyn had her Valentine’s Day Party at school yesterday. Alfie and I have been bugging her constantly about this boy named Lukas in her class. I think Kaeidyn has a huge crush on him, though she denies it at all costs. Alfie sings to her “Kaeidyn and Lukas, sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage”, and Kaeidyn gets so mad. But everytime she sees Lukas, she laughs at everything he does and then after will say “Oh my Gosh”, in this extremely exaggerated and dramatic voice. Trying to get his attention 😉

Keirnan is finally starting to pick up on more words. Today he was playing games with Kenzie and Kenzie yells at Kaeidyn “It’s a 2-player”, so Keirnan turns around and yells out “2-player”. He’s getting it slowly. Carter’s been pretty good these last couple of days, though his teeth are killing him and he tends to be pretty whiny about it. He’s really starting to show a personality now though. Certain things make him smile, and he loves being tickled. He loves trying to copy other people too, especially if it involves sticking your tongue out. He thinks that’s the greatest and tries to imitate everytime.

My knees are acting up again. I thought it was gone. After I had Carter, my knees lessened up in the hurting department and only got sore if I was going up and down the stairs too much or walking alot. Then out of nowhere, I woke up in the middle of the night, with a shooting pain down my leg and ever since then, my knee has been aching like crazy. Luckily, I have to go see the doctor soon for another shot of depo, so I’ll be talking to him about my knee pain then.

So I guess that’s really all I have to say. Now it’s time to go wake The Boyfriend up so that he can go to the store, and then it’s time to feed Carter… Again!