Posts Tagged ‘Crush’

This is so unlike me, writing so little. Now that there’s no NaBloPoMo to be accountable to, I just forget to write. Not only that, I’ve been busy working on so many things online, that I keep spending more time on that stuff than this stuff.

I’ve been researching a bunch to start thinking about getting lessons up on The Art Of… blog. Then I was checking out Google Sites last night, and decided to make one site. So, The Rantings of a Tortured Mind – The Rantings Network Headquarters, was born.

A little about The Rantings Network. Firstly, it includes all the online activities that I’m doing which include:

I also have a Ning Network and a Facebook Fan Page in the works, though no real content has gone up yet. I’m hoping to change that soon. Once all these sites are complete with content, I’m gonna start promoting the heck out of them, that way I’m sure I’m getting visitors.

Today has felt like an incredibly long day, though not much has happened. I woke up this morning in a rotten mood, but then shortly after I woke up, I got this mad desire to clean. Last night, Keirnan had gotten into the soya sauce and spilt it down the side of the stove. So I did some dishes and cleaned most of the counters and stove off. Eventually, hopefully before we go grocery shopping next, I’ll get that fridge cleaned out.

I have so many things that I need to get done around this house. Laundry is starting to pile up like crazy again, and it’s so hard to keep track of clean clothes and dirty clothes. I have 3 dressers between 6 people! So alot of the clothes stay in laundry baskets. If it were just me, I would most likely be able to keep track of what’s clean and what’s dirty. But with three kids and a boyfriend going through the laundry baskets and throwing clothes in and out of laundry baskets, it’s extremely hard to keep track of it all.

My back has been hurting really bad all day today. Right in between my shoulder area. The Boyfriend rubbed my back twice tonight and it’s seemed to do nothing at all for me. Maybe a nice little workout will help out.

I was on a roll with working out. I did three days and then took a day break and then I did another three days. It’s been two or three days now of not doing a workout, and I’m kind of craving one. My body is definitely not what it used to be. I was attempting a yoga workout the other day, and my balance and flexibility is so off compared to what it used to be. Before kids, I could do the splits and stand on one foot while I lifted the other foot above my head. Now, I can hardly touch my toes and it’s incredibly difficult for me to stand on one foot for any length of time.

The kids are all doing very good. Kaeidyn’s now opened up to the idea of liking Lukas, a boy in her class. Today she says to me, “I think I might be Lukas’ girlfriend”. The only time she doesn’t like talking about Lukas is when Alfie is around. He teases her and she takes it very personally. She doesn’t like that Daddy thinks it’s funny. I explained to her the other day when we were coming home from school, that he wasn’t making fun of her, that it was that he was excited for her. When I told her that it was because, for the rest of her life we’ll be able to tell her about Lukas, her first crush, she changed her mind about not liking Lukas and finally admitted it, though we knew it a long time ago 😉

Keirnan has had an obsession with water these last couple of days. If I leave water in the sink, he goes out and plays with it. Twice now, he’s gotten in trouble for playing in the toilet downstairs. My brother comes over and leaves cups of water everywhere, and Keirnan sticks his hand in them. Needless to say, we’ve been dealing with alot of wetness.

Kenzie’s been doing pretty good, though I don’t think he could say “Mommy” more in a day. He’ll literally sit on the floor and just go, “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy”.  The first thing I still hear every morning is, “Can I play a game?”, and now it’s switched from Lego: Star Wars in the kitchen, to wanting to play games on the Wii in the living room. The good thing about that is that he’s not playing games very often at all, because I normally tend to be watching TV or don’t want to listen to Kaeidyn and Kenzie fight over whether they’re going to play Tennis or Sword Fighting.

Carter is officially rolling over from his back to his stomach. He’s been doing his stomach to his back for awhile now, and just yesterday started back to stomach. He’s even starting to sit by himself. But he’s been incredibly clingy, always wanting someone to hold him. Luckily, The Boyfriend’s been home for a couple days and has been an incredible help.

The Boyfriend had two days off, and on his second day off woke up in the middle of the night with a horrible pain in his tooth. He called in sick that night and the next night went to the doctor. He walked out with a prescription for pain meds, anti-inflammatories, and amoxicillin. The doctor told him he had to take another night off work so that he could see how he reacted to the medication.

Unfortunately, he had to go back to work tonight. Though, only five more days of work  until he has a week off for his birthday. March 3rd, my man is officially as old as I am. Things have been doing better for us, though I go in and out of it constantly during the day. Hopefully we’ll get over this hump, and hopefully it will be soon.

Well, I guess that’s all I really have to write. Hopefully it won’t be so long until the next time 😉

Today is being yet another crappy day this week. It seems like this week has been made up of nothing but crappy days. I hate to complain, but I really don’t think that I like life at all this week.

The Boyfriend and I seem to be having a rough time, even though I think he’s completely unaware of it. I think he thinks things are all great and fine. Though internally, I seem to be constantly awaiting the demise of our relationship. I feel like I’m not getting what I need or want, I’m not getting enough help, I’m just not getting enough. Maybe I’m being too picky. And I haven’t really communicated it all with him recently.

I seriously don’t feel like instructing him on how to be a good boyfriend. I feel like we’ve passed that point. It used to be so different, and now I just feel like he’s being lazy and not putting any effort into anything really. And I could just be being hyper sensitive or whatever, but it’s been almost an entire week of everyday being unhappy with something to do with him.

From not taking out the garbage, to not holding Carter enough (and giving me a break!), to saying I can sleep in and then it doesn’t happen, to not having any sex whatsoever. And it’s beginning to take it’s toll. This morning, he comes down when he first gets home from work and asks if I want to sleep longer. I say, “I don’t want to get up yet” and he says he’ll let me sleep. A little bit later, the kids all come down to my room, and say they’re hungry and The Boyfriend is sleeping. Sure enough, he had fallen asleep upstairs and it ticked me off to no end. If you’re tired and you don’t want to let me sleep in, or don’t think that you can make it for a couple of hours, freaking tell me!

I just feel like our relationship has officially reached this point where we’re standing completely still. We’re not moving forward, or backwards, just not moving at all. It’s not like things are that different. It’s always been like this, just before I was willing to put up with alot more of it. Now, I’m freaking exhausted and lonely, and I don’t want to put up with it anymore. If I’m going to be basically alone, I might as well be alone.

I can’t even truly be mad at him, because most of this stuff can be blamed on his job. And he loves his job and needs to continue working it. He probably wouldn’t be able to find anything better right now when it came to jobs. I don’t want to constantly be saying to him that I hate his job and blame a majority of the problems that we do have completely on his job. But lately, all I’ve been thinking about, is when we first started dating he assured me that he wouldn’t be on nights in a year. It’s been over that, and there is no light to the end of this tunnel. There has been no advances towards a daytime position, unless he wants to drop down to part time. Did I mention, we have four kids?!?!?!?

My brother being back in town is becoming super stressful. He goes in and out of seeming normal so fast it’s ridiculous. I don’t know what to do for him at all and that stresses me out the most. I can’t help him right now, and there’s no one else who will. And I feel so bad for him.

The kids are all doing relatively good. Kenzie had a two day grounding from games, because he wouldn’t help clean the playroom. So the rule was until the playroom was clean he wasn’t allowed to play games. On the second day, the rule changed to, if the room isn’t cleaned by dinner time, toys are getting thrown in the garbage. So there’s about a garbage bag full of toys downstairs, and they finally picked up most of their toys.

Kaeidyn had her Valentine’s Day Party at school yesterday. Alfie and I have been bugging her constantly about this boy named Lukas in her class. I think Kaeidyn has a huge crush on him, though she denies it at all costs. Alfie sings to her “Kaeidyn and Lukas, sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage”, and Kaeidyn gets so mad. But everytime she sees Lukas, she laughs at everything he does and then after will say “Oh my Gosh”, in this extremely exaggerated and dramatic voice. Trying to get his attention 😉

Keirnan is finally starting to pick up on more words. Today he was playing games with Kenzie and Kenzie yells at Kaeidyn “It’s a 2-player”, so Keirnan turns around and yells out “2-player”. He’s getting it slowly. Carter’s been pretty good these last couple of days, though his teeth are killing him and he tends to be pretty whiny about it. He’s really starting to show a personality now though. Certain things make him smile, and he loves being tickled. He loves trying to copy other people too, especially if it involves sticking your tongue out. He thinks that’s the greatest and tries to imitate everytime.

My knees are acting up again. I thought it was gone. After I had Carter, my knees lessened up in the hurting department and only got sore if I was going up and down the stairs too much or walking alot. Then out of nowhere, I woke up in the middle of the night, with a shooting pain down my leg and ever since then, my knee has been aching like crazy. Luckily, I have to go see the doctor soon for another shot of depo, so I’ll be talking to him about my knee pain then.

So I guess that’s really all I have to say. Now it’s time to go wake The Boyfriend up so that he can go to the store, and then it’s time to feed Carter… Again!

Today has been an incredibly long day. The poor Boyfriend is exhausted and I feel so bad for him, because even though he had last night off, he had to go back to work today.

We decided today would be the perfect day to do some cleaning. Really, he did all the cleaning, I just kind of paced. So he took no nap because he was hard at work doing a variety of things. Like sweeping the floor (which I was hoping I wouldn’t have to do), he tidied up the storage room (which hasn’t been touched in months, and has become a catch-all for junk), took all the bags of bottles (from the 2 bottles of Sprite I go through a day), downstairs so they were out of the way  and even took apart the futon so we could get the kids on the big mattress instead of the small mattress.

I did some dishes today, and made a delicious and classic Sunday dinner. We had roast beef, yorkshire puddings, mashed potatoes, roasted potatoes and gravy. Unfortunately there was no corn, but I was filled after one plate and only Kaeidyn asked for more meat.

Kenzie hasn’t been feeling very good since yesterday when he puked. He spent most of yesterday sleeping, and then spent the daytime today playing games or watching TV, and then fell asleep shortly after dinnertime. He’s been completely asleep ever since.

So, I was watching The Golden Globes and you would not believe what happened. I literally was so excited. Jim Parsons from The Big Bang Theory (my current favourite comedy on TV), and Lauren Graham from Gilmore Girls (my second favourite show of all time, coming second only to ER), presented an award together.

Jim Parsons and Lauren Graham

I have to admit that I have a huge crush on Jim Parsons, also known as Sheldon Cooper. At first I thought it was just a crush on his character, but then I went on YouTube and watched a few hours worth of interviews with him, and then seeing him on Rachael Ray and Ellen (the only thing that’s on at 4 and 6 when I’m most likely to be watching TV), I think he is so sexy in this totally different way.

Lauren Graham is just plain amazing. I watched her way back when she was on Newsradio, and then I started watching Gilmore Girls the very first time it was ever played. And then I watched it throughout the whole seven seasons (I took a hiatus sometime during 2001 or 2002, though caught up…), plus I watched it when it started from the beginning and carried through on the W Network, and now we’re working on building my DVD collection, and have the first and second season and are expanding as quickly as I can.

So I was so happy to see that two of my favourite people presented an award together. Right away, The Boyfriend and I were going off about them being in a romantic comedy together. Though I still don’t know if I could ever see Sheldon Cooper with another human being in an intimate sense, let alone a woman. And if it is going to be a woman, it should be me, and Lauren Graham can wait her turn.

I’m really hoping tomorrow I’ll have more energy than I did today. Today, I was craving a smoke so bad. I don’t even know why. It seems the more time that goes by, the more I miss smoking. I miss having the excuse, I miss having the routine. “I’ll make dinner after this smoke”, “Oh, dinner is done. Time for a smoke”, I miss that. I miss taking a bath and The Boyfriend having to bring me down a smoke, it was a reason for him to come in while I was soaking. Now, there’s no reason, so he doesn’t. So today I pretty much sat curled up in a chair, whining about wanting a smoke.

Well Kaeidyn’s got school tomorrow, and we’ve gotta get up early so that she can take a bath in the morning. Hopefully my sketchiness will be under control enough tonight, that I’ll just fall straight to sleep. Doors locked, check. Light on, check. Now it’s just a matter of not thinking about anything morbid. Wish me luck 😉