Posts Tagged ‘Christmas’

Grumpy Face

Well I finally got more pictures up. It only took me forever! So I decided since I haven’t done it yet, I’m gonna add links to all my photo albums on Facebook (since it’s the only way for sure that you’ll get to see a bunch of pictures. I’d like to add them on here, but it takes too long!). I’ll probably also make a sidebar widget with the links, but not right now. So enjoy the pictures 😉

Pictures Pictures Everywhere

2010

Growing Up

New Set

Carter and Cupcakes

Carter Drayke

First Day of School

We Go Out

Paddle Boating

More Pictures

The Kids in Summer

Beach Day and Exercise

Big Family Outing

Fun at the Fountain


Picnic at the Ponds

Westerner Parade 2009

Westerner Parade 2009, Pt. 2

Recent Pictures

Transformers 2 – 2009

Day of Camping – Landscapes

Day of Camping

Happy Birthday Patty

My Little Photographers

My Little Photographers, Pt. 2

Newer Pictures of the Kids

Us

Christmas 2008

New Years 2009

The Three Terrors

    Advertisements

    I’m gonna bet there are at least 1000 other blogs that have the exact same title…

    Today is by far, the worst, most loneliest Christmas I’ve ever had to endure. Today is one of those days when I wish I still smoked, because I feel like it would all be easier to handle. I’m so glad I don’t cry half as much as I used to, because today would be one of those days filled with tears.

    I went to bed at 11 PM last night, which is normally only something I do after pulling an all-nighter. I was retardedly stressed out. First it was boredom, and then I started thinking about Kaeidyn, Kenzie and Keirnan and how every Christmas prior to this, I’ve been there. Maybe not all day, but Christmas Eve, I’d go to sleep with my kids and Christmas Morning I’d wake up to them. So I decided I needed to go to bed.

    In the old days (or so I’ll call them), I would cry over things that upset me. Little, insignifigant, mundane things. Since being with The Boyfriend – except when I was pregnant – I hardly ever cried. Not unless it was something big, like when someone called me a bad parent, which happens alot more than it should from people who see the kids once a year around this time. Last night was so stressful.

    First I’m laying in bed, thinking about how sad I am that my kids aren’t there. The Boyfriend worked last night, so Kaeidyn most likely would’ve crawled into bed with me. Then I started thinking about how it’s better that the kids were at their grandparents than with me, simply for the fact that, since I was about 14 or so, Christmas has become much lesser of a holiday. Learning that Santa wasn’t real (sorry if I ruined it for you!), kind of put a damper on my whole Christmas spirit. I don’t get motivated to celebrate holidays at all really, even though I would like to. I’d like to be a “traditionalist”, but I’m really not. So I was thinking that the kids are way luckier to be there than here, because if they were here, all we’d do is open gifts and that would be it. There, they have the whole she-bang. Gifts, dinner, decorations…

    Once I started thinking that, it just kind of spiraled. I started thinking about all the things that I always wanted to do once I had kids and just never have, for a variety of reasons. I started thinking about how many times I’ve been bashed for the way I raise my kids or the people I do or do not want in their lives. It brought me way more down than I was before. And the tears started flowing, and Carter started crying and I felt way more stressed than I’ve been in a really long time. Two hours later, Carter finally fell asleep and so did I.

    This morning, I woke up with just a crappy feeling in general. My body was hurting (which isn’t abnormal), I had a headache and my stomach was kind of crampy. The Boyfriend came home and crawled into bed, our big plan for Christmas was to sleep as much of it away as possible. The night before we had gotten the movie “District 9” and The Boyfriend was anxious to watch it. I was feeding Carter when he came and crawled in and after about 15 minutes of laying there, he asked if I just wanted to get out of bed because he wasn’t tired. So we got out of bed and watched our movie together – it was a pretty darn good movie!

    So he stays up way later than normal, and when he does finally go to bed, people start showing up at the house. My cousin who we don’t see very often came down from Edmonton, and The Boyfriend’s friend who we haven’t seen since before Carter was born stopped over. The Boyfriend stays awake a little later. Normally he doesn’t work until 10:30 PM, but tonight they wanted him in earlier. So I was super upset about him having to leave earlier on Christmas Day when I’m without all but one of my kids.

    I’m sick of this graveyard thing. Another thing I’m sick of… Both of us being sick of this graveyard thing. Everyday, at least once a day, I hear “I hate my job” or I say “I hate your job”. And that’s not even the truth. I love his job, it pays really good, he likes to do it. I hate that it takes him away from me at the times that I want him to be around the most. Late at night, like 11 or 12, is when I have the most energy and want to be sociable and around people. He’s already at work. Hopefully, he goes to days in January, which they’ve (the people at his work) have been talking about all month. I’ve got my fingers crossed, because I really don’t know how much more of this one-man band thing I can do.

    I’ve also made a decision about next Christmas. Christmas Morning, my kids will be here. Because I don’t think I can survive another lonely Christmas. I want all my babies here with me. I hope everyone understands and there’s no big deal from anyone about it. Well I think that’s all I have to write for now. Here goes to another early night for me!

    Pictures of Family

    Merry Christmas

    Well, three out of four of the kids, officially leave today. At 2:50 PM, their step-grandma will be here to pick them up and whisk them off to the bus station, where they’ll be on a bus with Alfie and his brother out to Fort Saskatchewan. In this weather, the bus ride to Edmonton will probably be at least 2 hours. Then if “Nanana” (what the kids call Alfie’s Mom)  drives back to Fort Sasketchewan this could be the longest car trip they’ve ever been on.

    I told Kaeidyn she had to call me as soon as they got to Nanana’s, luckily she’s learnt her phone number and recited it to me today without pause. She’s been working on the phone number for about a month, and she’s been doing pretty good. The 403 was easy for her and so was the 755, the last four numbers were taking her quite a long time though. She’d get them all in there, but jumbled up. Today, she just spurted it all out. I’m hoping she’ll still remember after her trip, because it makes her feel good when she gets to dial the number. I’m gonna have to remind Alfie that she gets to dial…

    So since everyone but The Boyfriend, Carter and I are leaving, as well as the fact that The Boyfriend works Christmas Eve night and Christmas Day night, my plans for Christmas are non-existent. I guess for the most part, I’ll probably sleep. Which will be nice since we’ve all suffered a bit of a 24 hour cold/flu.

    I was thinking a little bit this morning about New Years’ Resolutions. Now I’m not one to normally make New Years’ Resolutions, as I’m not usually very motivated to do much of anything. Recently though, The Boyfriend and I both quit smoking. I had been smoking since meeting Alfie, six years ago. I’ve never had the desire to quit, but a couple weeks ago, we had no transportation and the store wouldn’t take the change that we had. We had no choice but to go without smokes. It was suprisingly easier than I had thought.

    After going the whole day without smokes, I said that we would just stay quit. We’ve been going off forever about how much money we would save if we quit smoking ($300 a week – don’t ask me how we were spending that much. And definetely don’t ask me how we were spending that much and still affording to pay rent and get groceries, because I seriously don’t know. On paper, it doesn’t work out…), and in the two and a half weeks that we’ve been done for, we’ve saved a pretty penny. Though the only way it’s really noticeable to us is that we still have $20 that normally would be gone, and today would be a day of panic.

    So since I view myself as “done smoking”, I figure I had some sort of motivation for doing that. Then this morning, Kaeidyn and I were talking about what was happening with them going out of town and what I would do while they were gone. I told her I’d probably sleep and clean and that when she got home from Nanana’s, she’d have to help me keep the kitchen clean (as that’s the hardest part, next to laundry, for me to keep clean). That started me thinking about all the things I want to do in the New Year.

    I’ve always said, if I quit smoking, I’d have a reason to start caring about my health. As long as I was smoking, there was no point to worry about my health, because any problems that I might of had, would be to some degree, a result of the smoking. Now that I consider myself “done smoking”, I can start caring about my health, because there’s a point.

    Now while I don’t think I need to lose any weight whatsoever, I would like to tone what I do have. Again, don’t ask me how, but after four kids and having my last one only two months ago (tomorrow is Carter’s “birthday”), I only weigh 136 lbs and I still fit into my size 7 jeans (not that I wear them that often, because I choose comfort over style – for now…). Some days are better than others too. Like today is a good look day, after having my sickness all day yesterday, and not being able to eat anything more than a piece of toast, my stomach is all flat today. That’s what I want, I want a flat stomach and strong arms – my arms being the absolute weakest part on my body. Kaeidyn and Kenzie can lift heavier things than I can!

    This is my big issue though. I don’t want to start exercising as long as my eating is as bad as it is. I’m a junk-food junkie. I love things that are deep-fried, and not even good for you things. My freezer is normally more loaded than my fridge, and alot of it isn’t exactly the healthiest stuff in the world. The only vegetable I eat on a regular basis is canned corn. I eat fruits maybe once a year, and I only drink milk when it’s added into other things, like cereal or ice cream, and even then, I eat those things maybe three times a year. I feel like if I exercised with what I ate now, my whole body would become exhausted, and I would probably get dehydrated. Especially when you take into account that the only beverage I drink is Sprite, and prior to that the only beverage I drank was Pepsi – for the last six years…

    I want to start with one and then go to the other. I don’t want to start eating healthier and being more active all at the same time. Especially after just quitting smoking. In my head, I could totally do it. In reality, I’d probably end up in the hospital. So now I have to figure out how to work it. It will probably be an After New Years Resolution. Anyone else have After New Years Resolutions?

    My only New Years Resolution, and this is only so far, this could easily change, is that I want to start blogging everyday. When I first started thinking about beginning to blog again, I roamed the internet looking at other people’s blogs to see what kind of content they were putting on it. Then in one of my Google searches, I stumbled across National Blog Posting Month:

    National Blog Posting Month is the epicenter of daily blogging! People who want to set the habit of blogging by doing it every day for a month, including weekends, can come here for moral support, inspiration, and the camaraderie that only marathon blogging can provide.

    So I’ve signed up, and my New Years Resolution is to start blogging everday for a month starting January 1st – and then if I can do the first month, I want to extend it to every month. I wonder if that would be cool or annoying, from both mine and the readers perspective. My other New Years Resolution is to do my dishes once a day, everday! I’ll definetely keep you updated on how it all goes!

    Merry Christmas

    Kaeidyn’s
    Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

    Kenzie’s
    Spider Man

    Kaeidyn, my 5-year-old girl in Kindergarten, had her Christmas Concert on Thursday. Her class and another Kindergarten class sang “Up On The Rooftop” and “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer”. Leading up to the concert she sang mostly “Up on the Rooftop”, but since Christmas Break has officially begun (and upon watching it on TV), Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer is the only song we hear from her.

    Pictures of Kaeidyn

    Kaeidyn Ember

    So tonight we recorded it with Audacity, and of course that meant everyone else wanted to record a song. Luckily we got some practice in with the microphone, playing American Idol 2 on the PS3 this morning. Spider-Man is one of my 3-year-old son, Kenzie’s, favourite songs. The only one he ever willingly sings – and performs all too often somedays!

    Keirnan, my 2-year-old boy, did record a track too, though his was long, spaced out grunting that was hard to hear, so I decided we’ll wait until a day when he gets up a little bit more courage. He still isn’t comfortable with the whole talking to other people thing. To himself and a book, he speaks his own language while he’s reading, and every once and awhile you’ll hear a word in English. To other people, he grunts, expecting his brother or sister to speak for him (which they normally do)!

    Pictures of Kenzie

    Kenzie and Keirnan

    ***

    Carter, thankfully, was sleeping and recorded nothing. He’s almost two months and is growing up way too fast. While I’m happy that he’s doing so great, I’m sad that my baby (which I feel like I just had!) is not a wittle itty baby anymore.

    With Kaeidyn, Kenzie and Keirnan, they were all small. Two of them were premature to some degree. Kenzie was the heaviest one at a whopping (sarcasm) 6 lbs 11 0z. They didn’t gain weight fast. They felt like babies for awhile, they were helpless little babies for awhile.

    Pictures of Keirnan

    Keirnan Cahlen

    Carter, on the other hand, being born closest to his due date is a “big” boy. Knocking Kenzie out of the heaviest spot, came sweet Carter, 7 lb 14 oz!! Yes, that came out of me!!! Now weighing 12 lbs 2.5 oz and having amazing neck stability, he doesn’t feel like my little baby anymore.

    Everyone thinks I’m over-exaggerating, but as a Mom of four, I can say with a pretty good sureity (if that’s even a word…), that my 2-month-old is already preparing to crawl! He gets up on his elbows and pushes himself all over the place with his knees and feet, sloppily almost crawling along. In the last week, we’ve had to upgrade from a small, baby-sized comforter for him to wriggle around on, to a large, adult-sized comforter.

    Pictures of Carter

    Carter Drayke

    Back to the point of the “thankfully”, now that he’s growing up so fast, he’s staying awake for longer and longer periods of time. And while I’m convinced he’s preparing for crawling, I never claimed he liked to do it!! He’s awake, he’s bored, he cries. The only thing that entertains him is being held – and lately his preference seems to be Mommy. I love when my kids want me, but in case I haven’t said it enough, I’m a Mom of four! It’s hard to hold a baby through everything. Don’t think I haven’t thought of a Snugli either, because I own one and it’s useful… to an extent.

    Today especially was a rougher day. The Boyfriend, who works graveyards right now, worked last night. Doesn’t work tonight. The plan was that he was going to sleep during the day today, so that we could have the nighttime together. Then we ended up having to do some running around in the middle of the afternoon and he couldn’t sleep.

    Pictures of The Family

    Carter on the Mind

    Right before dinnertime, he started getting really tired and I knew it would be no time at all until he “dozed off” (more like passed out). He falls asleep, Carter starts freaking out. Luckily, the other kids were all down in my room watching Alvin and the Chipmunks so I could make dinner.

    So here I am, with Carter in his Snugli, being very careful not to burn his toes on the stove, because it was the only thing that calmed him. It felt like he stayed awake crying for hours. Thankfully, he’s asleep now, and should be for at least another hour – hopefully!

    Sadly, The Boyfriend is still sleeping. I don’t think I’m going to be able to wake him up for anything more than going to bed. And we were supposed to watch The Big Bang Theory (which we are huge fans of, and he hasn’t seen since going back to work after his paternity leave ended) and Inglorious Basterds tonight… sadness… It’s hard to stay upset at him for things like that when he’s laying in the chair, smiling in his sleep and looking so cute. Wait, I’m going to crab the camera and show you 😉

    Pictures of The Boyfriend

    Sleeping Beauty

    ***
    I have no new pictures of Kenzie alone because whenever we’re taking pictures, he’s downstairs playing games. So the best I can do is him and Keirnan together 😉