Posts Tagged ‘Challenge’

So if I thought yesterday was a long day, I was sadly mistaken. I went to bed pretty early last night, and spent a good hour and a half completely sketching out. The dryer was going, and I was convinced there was someone walking around upstairs. I kept running up and down the stairs to check it out, expecting to round a corner and be knocked over the head.

After about 30-45 minutes of that, I started freaking out that the dryer was going to start a fire in the kids room. Recently, they’ve been sleeping with their bedroom door closed at night. So I spent the next 30-45 minutes, checking on the kids and everytime I closed my eyes, I’d have visions of the kids burning to death in a fire that started in their room, and therefore I had no way to save them. Finally, at about 2 AM, I exhausted myself and fell asleep.

I couldn’t believe how bad my anxiety was last night. I was panicking, I was breathing fast and getting light headed. In the olden days, whenever anxiety hit like that, it would be my automatic reaction to break apart a razor and cut, just a little bit. Last night, was the first time in a really really long time, that I just couldn’t get the thought out of my head. As I’m laying there, talking myself down, I just kept thinking, “It’ll go away if you just cut Val. You’ve got a good blade in the bathroom, go pick it up.” Luckily, the exhaustion kicked in before the desire took over.

I felt so guilty for thinking about it though. I haven’t cut in almost two years. And I don’t want to go back to doing it, ever! The scars are bad enough. I have them all over my thighs and my arms, and I don’t want more. I felt like I was letting myself down even thinking about it. The last time my anxiety level was even slightly that high, was when I was in labor with Carter, and the woman next door was screaming bloody murder. Before that, well let’s just say, it’s been a really long time!

So I woke up this morning, thinking about how little sleep I got, how bad my sketchiness has gotten, and how many phone calls I had to make today. Needless to say, I was horrendously overwhelmed. Alfie seemed in a right rotten mood today, and was snapping away at the kids for little things, and then the topper of the cake was when he left his Facebook on the computer and then went and played Wii.

I took Keirnan in to get his antibiotics and some saline spray for his perpetually runny nose. Mama T drove, and I’m totally jealous. She gets to go work the Olympics this year. She’s too lucky sometimes. She was excited about it right up until she heard they have tight security. After Keirnan and I saw the doctor, we went to Wal-Mart to fill his prescriptions. I bring up all the issues with Alfie with Mama T. Now her and Alfie do not get along. They used to, a long long time ago. Now, my Mom can’t even stand the thought of him. The night that I had Carter, they had a physical altercation, and ever since, Mama T and Alfie avoid each other at pretty much all costs. So of course, bringing him up, I got an earful.

Unfortunately, the only parts of the conversation I heard, were the parts where she was putting my judgement and parenting down. My Mom tends to be a bit righteous in this area. Her and my Dad split up because she didn’t like the way my Dad treated us kids and her. I’m not complaining, because it was one of the best things my Mom ever did for me. But she thinks because it was what worked for her, that somehow it’s going to work with Alfie and I.

As we’re walking through Wal-Mart, all anyone hears is how I need to put my kids ahead of Alfie and how I need to start worrying more about the kids than Alfie. All I have to say to that is, just because I let Alfie get away with alot of shit doesn’t mean that I don’t care about my kids, or that I’m not thinking about my kids. I’m very aware of the way Alfie treats the kids and the way he is with them. I don’t think it warrants eliminating him from their lives. It was good to have a serious talk with my Mom about it all, but I wish she wouldn’t put me down as a parent so much (just because I’m not living up to what her standards of parenting are), and I kind of wish she would’ve waited until we were home to bash me, then while we were wandering around Wal-Mart waiting for prescriptions to be filled.

The Boyfriend stayed up pretty much all day today, got about two hours of sleep. I tried telling him to use up one of his sick days that he’s gotta take before March. He said he wanted to finish the week off, and being that tomorrow is his day off, I said okay. Alfie came over while The Boyfriend was napping, and I reamed him out for not being more of a help with the kids.

This morning, I was listing off all the phone calls I had to make, and all the running around I had to do. I was telling the room basically, not any particular person, that I was overwhelmed by all this stuff. So Alfie one ups it, and adds in “Don’t forgot you gotta RSVP for Kaeidyn to go to that birthday party”, which I had forgotten. But it pissed me off to no end. He walks Kaeidyn to school everyday and sees the birthday party Mom. He brought the invitation home and saw me hang it up on the bulletin board. It never once occurred to him that he could pick up the phone and RSVP. Or that he could take Keirnan to the doctor to get a prescription. Or that he could call and make an optometrist appointment for Kaeidyn. I told him, I need more help. He says I need to ask. I say, “I shouldn’t have to ask you to be a Dad. I shouldn’t have to ask you to be responsible for your kids!” It makes me angry when people try to pass the buck like that.

He went home looking like he was about to cry, and I fought off the guilt monster with a vengance. I hate that I feel like I owe so much to him, when in reality, it’s the other way around. I hate that I feel like I need to take care of him, when he’s older than me (and not in ill health). I hate that he can make me feel guilty when there is no reason for me to be guilty. I hate that we’ve been apart for over a year and a half now, and I still feel so much obligation towards him.

I am so lucky, that somehow, The Boyfriend understands this feeling of obligation and debt towards Alfie that I have. Maybe no understands, but doesn’t tell me how to control that aspect of my life. He voices his opinions and gives me the opportunity to make the right choice. I worry all the time that one day, that patience will wear thin. That our love won’t last through all this crap. He used to say that he felt like a pawn, just being moved here and there, to whatever position was convenient at the time. I hope he doesn’t feel like that even now. I told him when we started implementing boundaries with Alfie, that we would have to take it slow, not just for Alfie’s sake, but also for mine. I hope he realizes that I am making changes, even though it seems to be taking forever.

I keep saying I want to move far far away from here. I’m sick of Red Deer. I’m sick of being close to so much drama. Between English and American, Alfie and Mama T, it seems like so much. Sometimes, too much. I’m jealous of my sister, who lives 4 or 5 hours away. The only family she has living near her are her fiance’s uncle and aunt. Plus, she’s been happily together with the father of her kids for 8 1/2 years! I wish I could have that little drama in my life. The Boyfriend’s been entertaining the idea along with me. It’s fun to dream.

So I officially completed NaBloPoMo. It was incredibly easy for me to write a post everyday for an entire month. Only a few times was I not feeling it. Otherwise, it felt really good. I got alot of positive feedback (from the few readers I do have), got tons of spam (Ugh!), and even felt creative enough to write a new song AND do a whole month of posts for WTMFI Wednesdays, which starts this Wednesday! Plus, I’ve still got over 100 more questions for next month. I’m so excited to start, and I can’t wait to read the answers from my first participant. Will it be you?

Tomorrow, it’s more phone calls for me. And hopefully my sketchiness will be under control enough that I’ll get some serious sleep in. Well folks, I think that’s all I have to say for tonight….

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You know what else is annoying about WordPress? How many freaking spam comments I get. This blog has only been actively going for a month, and I’ve already got 68 spam comments!!!! That’s ridiculous.

Today was an incredibly long day. Mostly a good day, but incredibly long. I got to sleep in a bit this morning, which was really wonderful. The Boyfriend stayed up super late, only got about 4 1/2 hours of sleep before work, but it was nice spending almost all day together.

Alfie’s Step-Mom, American, came over today. It was a pretty good visit, good conversation. The only part that yanked my chain a bit (yanked The Boyfriend’s a whole lot more) was when she asked how Alfie got along with Carter. I said “Fine, he basically ignores him”, and she goes and says that she plans to have Carter come along to Christmas’ and other holidays with the kids. While a part of me thinks it’s sweet, a bigger part of me thinks it’s damn wrong.

No way in hell is Alfie taking mine and The Boyfriend’s son over there! Alfie doesn’t want Kaeidyn, Kenzie or Keirnan having anything to do with The Boyfriend’s family, Carter doesn’t need to have anything to do with Alfie’s family. I just nodded and smiled, not wanting to start anything. The Boyfriend was not impressed and after the visit told me that it wasn’t going to happen, ever. I agreed with him completely.

Alfie was “entertaining” a girl this weekend, and yesterday didn’t call the kids. Then today tried to lie and say he was with his Dad all day and that’s why he didn’t come over until dinner time, though I already knew he wasn’t with his Dad because American had told me that they weren’t together. I hate how the kids’ go on the back burner because there’s a chance Alfie could get laid. I wish that he could get his priorities straight. And it better not become a regular thing. This time, I’m letting it go. Next time, I won’t.

I’m not looking forward to much of this week at all. Tomorrow, I’m taking Keirnan to the walk-in clinic to get antibiotics for his teeth. Luckily he does really good with doctors and doesn’t mind when they poke and prod him. I, unfortunately, don’t do so well. Especially with the teeth thing. I always think doctors and dentists are judging my parenting abilities based on the condition of his teeth.

Then on Tuesday, even though YAY it’s The Boyfriend’s day off, sadly I have to go see a Child Support Worker to update all our information. I’m not looking forward to it at all. I always said to Alfie, I never wanted his money, I just wanted him there for the kids. Then when we broke up, I went on Income Support (welfare), and we had to go see a child support worker. At that time, Alfie and I weren’t speaking to each other, and I wasn’t getting any child support from him. Since I was on IS, I had to be receiving child support from him.

When his court date came around, he claimed that he had never been served papers, and so he never showed for the court date. So they sent the file off to the Family Maintenance Enforcement Program, and now he’s been getting charged for that. And the only time he paid it was when he was on EI (Employment Insurance), and that was only because it was automatically deducted from his check. So now we have to go back in, add Keirnan to his support, and then let them know that The Boyfriend is paying me support and doesn’t need to go through FMEP.Β I can’t wait for Wednesday, when all this crap will be over.

I found my camera today!! YAY!!! So hopefully in the next couple of days, I’ll have some pictures up. Tomorrow is officially my last NaBloPoMo day. Thinking about doing it again in February, but I’m not guaranteeing anything. Especially being that the official start day for The XXX Rated Rantings is February 3rd. The first WTMFI Wednesdays is already written out and scheduled to go! I’m so excited, I think it could end up being really good. I know I’ve enjoyed coming up with the questions, and I’m more than curious to see everyone’s answers.

Today was a really good day with The Boyfriend. He got to sleep in this morning, which I thought for sure would make me mad, which normally does. But he woke up when I made some delicious grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch. And while I was on the computer for almost the whole day, I felt like we were really close today.

I’ve been working ridiculously hard on getting WTMFI Wednesdays up on The XXX Rated Rantings. I’ve gotten a month worth of Wednesday posts up and ready to go, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. I have about 100 questions sitting around waiting to be used.

It was especially exciting because The Boyfriend not only helped massively with coming up with a bunch of questions, but he seemed excited at the idea of becoming part of my Wednesday posts when I told him it would be cool if he did. He was down for answering the questions, so hopefully I’ll be adding that before the first official post on February 3rd, 2010.

So, Kaeidyn had a dentist come to her school today, so all we heard about was her teeth today. Songs, instructions, everything teeth. Tomorrow we’re going to a speech therapy workshop with her, so that should be fun. I’m finally gonna get to see what Kaeidyn does when she goes to her speech therapy, and that’s exciting for me.

Right now, she just brings home papers and they have instructions. I don’t actually know if I’m doing it right, but I’ll find out for sure tomorrow. We had KFC for dinner tonight, and sat down and watched “Horton Hears a Who”. Kaeidyn was the only one who stayed awake during all of it.

I played Wii for a good long time today. I finally found two games on the Wii Sports Resort that I can play sitting down. So I spent almost all afternoon Skydiving and flying over the island. I unlocked a whole bunch of stuff, and got my Wii Fitness Age down to 37!!! Only 14 more years to go!

Carter has a massive cold. Runny nose, congestion, the coughs. I seriously hate when my kids are sick. I feel so helpless all the time. It doesn’t help that he’s teething right now too, so his teeth are hurting and he’s got boogers sticking out his nose, and he keeps coughing up junk. All the kids start getting sick right as the weather’s about to change. It literally runs a circle, starting with Keirnan. Then it goes on down to Carter, then Kenzie, then Kaeidyn. Then I get hit with a really vicious, intense cold and then Cahlen gets a stuffed up nose, and then we’re good until the weather changes again. And it doesn’t matter what season it is.

I’ve almost completed the NaBloPoMo challenge!! Aren’t you proud of me?

So I was saddened this morning, when Kaeidyn came in with 5 minutes to spare before the bell rang for school. My alarm has officially bitten the dust. I’ve had it for 13 years and it just now crapped out on me. Sadness…

Kaeidyn ended up not going to school today, which at first made her really upset and angry, but when I agreed to do school stuff with her, she changed her mind. So we practiced some writing, worked on her “sh”, “s” and “st” sounds and then we played Wii all afternoon.

My arm is killing me from all the swinging. I feel like my bicep in my right arm is already bigger. Seriously, if I don’t lose weight playing these games, there’s something seriously wrong, because you move so much (even when you’re trying not to) and there’s no way that you’re not burning calories. It also forces you to use your core alot, the whole knees bent, legs shoulder width apart, standing up straight, and keeping things tight is really in play when you’re playing baseball, or archery (which I rock at ;)), or cycling.

After coming home with the Wii yesterday morning, with Wii Sports (which comes with the Wii), The Boyfriend and I decided we wanted more games, which resulted in a trip back to Wal-Mart. So then we got the Wii Sports Resort and My Sims Party. Sports Resort is so much fun, I could play it all day (if my arm wasn’t killing me). The My Sims Party I’m still getting used to. You have to use your head in that one, and I’m not so great at that whole aspect of it yet. Moving and using my head, too much to deal with πŸ˜‰

We all did our fitness tests with our Mii’s. The Boyfriend and I did ours yesterday, and Kaeidyn and Kenzie did theirs today. The Boyfriend’s Day 1 Fitness Age = 33, Day 2 Fitness Age = 27. My Day 1 Fitness Age = 78, Day 2 Fitness Age = 67. Kaeidyn and Kenzie both got a Fitness Age of 80!!! They both love to play boxing, and Kaeidyn has officially trumped everyone in the house, and has beaten The Boyfriend multiple times (though if it helps him feel any better, while a 5-year-old can kick his butt, this 23-year-old sure can’t!!).

I got to take a nap all by myself today. The Boyfriend stayed up with the kids, even Carter! I had planned to sleep for 2-3 hours at the very least, but was woken up to a strange man’s voice and got about an hour in (strange voice was a guy trying to get us to switch from our current entertainment bundle provider, Shaw, to Telus’ entertainment bundle). Surprisingly, the hour of sleep was exactly all I needed. I woke up with a ton of energy, did a ton of dishes (which was desperately needing to be done), and then played Wii for a bit before making dinner.

I also realized today, that I’ve been spelling surprise wrong for at least a decade. I had always spelt it “suprise” and never thought anything of it from there. Then today, I’m typing away on Facebook, and I write something like “Are you suprised?”, and the this spell checker that we have squiggles some lines underneath. I’m like “What?!?!?!”, then I realized that there’s definitely a letter missing. So I’ve been correcting myself ever since. Now if only I could start spelling definitely write, instead of always writing “definetely”.

I had started this blog night, with absolutely no ideas on what to write. The Boyfriend and I were sitting on the couch, watching Jeopardy, and I was all whining about having nothing to write about. Get me in front of my blog, and I suddenly become a story teller. May be a boring life, but that’s what it is to be me πŸ˜‰ Until we meet again…

My Wii Wishlist

So today, Wal-Mart got a shipment of 25 Wii’s in. The Boyfriend will be picking us up one first thing in the morning. So YAY, I’m getting a Wii. Now it’s just a matter of getting games that I want, and boy are there alot!!!

The Big Bang Theory was on tonight, and Penny and Leonard (played by Kaley Cuoco and Johnny Galecki) broke up, or maybe they didn’t. I really hope they don’t… Just my personal opinion.

Today was a relatively boring day. I walked Kaeidyn to school. It was cold and snowflakes kept getting all in my nose. It was fun picking her up, because we climbed through mounds of snow together. From the time that I woke up, until about 3:30 PM (except for when I was walking to and from Kaeidyn’s school), I was working on blog stuff.

Like I said the other day, I’m working really hard on getting an about type page up for this blog. Then I’ve been working super hard on the XXX Rated Rantings, and then I remembered I had a Tumblr Account, so I decided to use that as an updates type blog, where you can get updates on both the XXX Rated and PG Rantings.

For those of you who are interested in updates, but don’t want to read about the other blog, there’s always the option of subscribing to this blog by RSS, e-mail or subscribing to the Mailing List.

Kenzie did pretty awesome with games today, for the most part. After not being allowed to play all day yesterday, he was told today that he couldn’t play until after lunch. Even though he asked a hundred times, he didn’t throw any fits or doing any real pouting. After lunch, Alfie came over and watched the kids while I went for a nap with Carter and The Boyfriend, and that’s when Kenzie got to put on games. He played until dinner time which was a little ridiculous, but that’s only because I was sleeping.

I think Keirnan’s probably going through another growing spurt. He’s been super clumsy lately, almost every time he walks past the computer desk he hits his head, he trips over his own feet. Kaeidyn and Kenzie both start eating alot right before they go through a growth spurt, they also complain alot about their legs hurting, especially Kaeidyn. Keirnan seems to be tripping all over himself.

So while I solved one creative problem, I’ve noticed a whole slew of others. I’ve been really into the creativity these last couple of days. Constantly singing new songs (though I haven’t written anything down, need a guitar for that kind of flow), writing like crazy. It’s been good. I lost my camera though, so I’m sad because I can’t take pictures of everything.

I keep saying I’m gonna go over to my Mom’s and do some serious recording. I want to lay down at least 5 good tracks. But going over there takes some very careful planning. First, gotta get Alfie to come and watch the three kids (because I can’t have them screaming in the background during recordings, you can hear that on YouTube), and then The Boyfriend and Carter have to come with me. Carter, because I haven’t really gotten the hang of breast pumping enough for a really good feeding and The Boyfriend because I’m too sketchy of being the first person whose walked through the door in close to a month. Ugh the thought of it alone sends shivers down my spine!!

But I went and downloaded the demo version of Fruity Loops 9, so I’ve been playing around on that all day. Already created two awesome beginnings to songs. Unfortunately, because it’s only the demo version, I can’t save anything. Oh well, I’ll just keep re-starting over and over. Maybe tomorrow I’ll finally head over to my Mom’s and then I can solve all my problems. Yeah right, probably not tomorrow, I’ll have a Wii that’ll keep my here.

Well I’ll write more tomorrow. I think I’m gonna have to carry on with this NaBloPoMo thing. The first month was too easy πŸ˜‰

I feel like that’s all I’ve been doing lately. Feed Cater, work on blog, feed Carter, work on blog. And boy oh boy have I been working on blogs like crazy. First I’ve been trying to complete an about page on this blog. It’s hard to write in the first person about yourself.

Then I’ve been working like crazy on The Rantings of a Tortured Mind – XXX Rated Edition. I’ve got a few pages up, and I’m hoping to start posting on a regular basis starting February 1st. I’ll keep you updated.

Today was a relatively boring day. I got to take a nap which was very exciting. Did dishes and made dinner when I woke up. The kids all went to bed super late tonight, so tomorrow will probably be a rough day.

Alfie’s not walking Kaeidyn to school tomorrow, so I’ll be up bright and early to do that. Hopefully it’s warmer tomorrow than it was today. Otherwise I’m gonna be a grumpy Mommy.

Kenzie did really good today not playing games. He asked about a thousand times, but didn’t throw a fit or pout when he was told no. Instead he watched Star Wars all day. He couldn’t play the game, so he might as well watch the movie.

Well I should get this posted, before it’s too late. I just barely made it today. I almost forgot I was working so hard on the other rantings. Hey, did anyone notice my new header? What do you think?

Today was an incredibly boring day. After getting to sleep in a little late, The Boyfriend realized he still had the keys from work. So he ended up having to take a cab up to the south end. Before leaving he was all like “If they have them, do you want me to pick up a Wii?”. Hells yes I did. Well then they didn’t have them.

The Boyfriend bought the kids a new movie and Super Troopers (which I’ve never had an interest to see, but he insisted that I’d think it was hilarious. I didn’t…), but didn’t come back with any other treats than beef jerky for me. So of course, I had to give him a hard time. I go “You didn’t get me anything?” and he felt all bad and was like “I looked and couldn’t find anything you’d want.” He’s partially right. All the things that I want, that aren’t a Wii or a car, are things that I don’t want enough to get right now.

But of course, I had to be right, and The Boyfriend was all like “I didn’t know what you’d want”, I had to be like “I’ve told you a ton of things that I wanted”, he says “Like what?”, so naturally I started thinking of things. Materials for my home management notebook for one. Though I automatically hated this idea, because it’s just a big fat reminder that I haven’t done anything more with the whole idea.

So I spent the better majority of the morning-afternoon, being bored and thinking about how much I wish I could’ve been playing a Wii. Oh well, beggars can’t be choosers. Patience is a virtue. Blah blah blah…

Kaeidyn, Kenzie and Keirnan went to American’s and English’s tonight with Alfie, and The Boyfriend was sleeping, so Carter and I hung out on the couch for a few hours tonight. He barely slept at all the entire time, and was mostly in a good mood. He was very talkative. And I would talk back, and use my real laugh instead of my fake laugh when he would smile really big.

The Boyfriend woke up around nine, and Carter was awake and talkative, and started experimenting with his laugh. He’s coo, and then he’d get kind of loud. Then he’d hold his breath and let out with this puff of coo. He kept doing it over and over, like he was practicing laughing. It’s amazing how fast he’s growing up.

An acquaintance of mine, a great friend of Alfie’s, came over today. He hadn’t seen Carter since he was born. Right away, he commented on how huge Carter’s gotten. All the other kids took awhile to “grow up”. They were all premature and had no desire to be older than their age.

Kaeidyn, born 4 weeks premature, started rolling over and crawling around 5 months. She started walking at 9 1/2 months. Kenzie, who was technically born full term, 2 weeks before my due date, was about the same as Kaeidyn. He started walking later, closer to a year for him. Keirnan, born 7 weeks premature, started rolling over and crawling around 6 months and walking around 10 or 11 months. Carter is rolling over and crawling at 3 months (started at 2…)! He’s also teething alot sooner than the other three. They all started about the same time they started crawling.

Does anyone else seriously miss their babies being babies? I never experienced this with any of the other kids. But every time I look at Carter, I just keep thinking about my babies when they were babies, or more babies than what they are now.

If I could go back and re-do it all, I would in a heartbeat. I’d love to experience the whole trauma with Kaeidyn’s birth and the months that followed again, except for I’d like to deal with alot of the things that happened during that time differently. I’d kill to have my pre-Kenzie body back and the energy that I felt after having him. I’d go back to when Keirnan was in the hospital, and I’d spend more time with him, nurturing and caring for him.

I wasn’t present for the other kids like I am with Carter. Life was so hectic and crazy during those times. I almost feel bad when I give Carter all this love and attention that he gets, when the other kids didn’t get that when they were that age. With Kaeidyn, I went through a horrible bout of postpartum depression, plus I had had the infected c-section incision that lasted close to the first month she was home. I didn’t hold her as often as I could’ve, I didn’t play with her as much as I should’ve, I didn’t say “I love you” to her every single day. I regret that…

With Kenzie, I was caught up in boys and my version of partying (which trust me, is probably nothing in comparison to most people’s version of partying). He got alot more than Kaeidyn did, as I had spent two very serious weeks in a mental institution at the beginning of the pregnancy, and had much more control over alot of my emotions. Him and I bonded right from the second he was born, though as he got older, we’ve just kind of drifted apart. He’s too into his games right now (seriously thinking about putting a stop to the whole gaming thing for him for awhile), and I’m just not that into games.

Keirnan was in the hospital for the first month of his life, and I was living in a hotel with the two other kids. Mama T worked full-time, Alfie was out of town and I had no one else to rely on to watch the older kids daily so I could go visit Keirnan. I would go up about every three days, sometimes more. In the first week, it wasn’t that bad. I was only allowed to hold him for 15 minutes a day, I was pumping at home and bringing in bottles of breast milk.

When people started visiting him in the hospital, I would always say “He looks like he’s dead”. He’d be laying there, covered in cords, under his cloth sunglasses (he was under lamps because of his jaundice, which he went in and out of having the whole time he was in the hospital), just barely breathing. I’d reach in and touch him through the holes and he never flinched, never moved. Just laid there.

About 3 weeks in, I cried and cried, for the first time. I hate that I didn’t see him more, and that I didn’t cherish that first month more. I hate that I couldn’t hold him more. Now as he gets older, I wish I had more patience. He’s in that stage of learning to talk, yet having no idea how. He squeals and grunts and points. With Kaeidyn, she picked up on the talking really quickly. As long as she was told to slow down, she could get what she wanted across. Kenzie, I hardly remember what it was like when he started talking. It seemed like one day he couldn’t and the next day he could. Keirnan is just not picking it up at all, and he doesn’t slow down. I’m finding that I don’t do so well during this stage.

I’m glad that I have at least another 10+ years to make up for all the mistakes I made with my kids. At least I have Β the rest of my life to tell all the kids “I love you” everyday. And thankfully, even with all the mistakes I made, all my kids are healthy, happy and to me, their amazing. And even though I miss when they were babies, I can’t wait to see what their going to be like when they’re older.

Kaeidyn will most likely have a rotten attitude, just like her mother. I have a feeling that I’m going to go through alot of the same things my Mom went through with me with that girl. Kenzie, if he sticks with this gamer thing, will most likely be tied up in his bedroom, playing games and designing graphics. I could totally see him being a whiny emo kid (oh wait, he already is ;)). With Keirnan, it’s really too soon to tell. He’ll most likely be like Alfie was growing up, except Keirnan will do it better. For every bit of devilish destruction that Alfie participated in, Keirnan will destroy twice as much. Alfie was/is a wannabe ladies man, Keirnan will be a ladies man. I’m hoping one of them will be super musical, maybe it’ll be Carter.

Well I had planned for this to only be a short post, but looks like that plan didn’t turn out as planned πŸ˜‰ More again tomorrow, only a week and a day left before I’ve officially completed NaBloPoMo!! YAY!!