Posts Tagged ‘American’

You know what else is annoying about WordPress? How many freaking spam comments I get. This blog has only been actively going for a month, and I’ve already got 68 spam comments!!!! That’s ridiculous.

Today was an incredibly long day. Mostly a good day, but incredibly long. I got to sleep in a bit this morning, which was really wonderful. The Boyfriend stayed up super late, only got about 4 1/2 hours of sleep before work, but it was nice spending almost all day together.

Alfie’s Step-Mom, American, came over today. It was a pretty good visit, good conversation. The only part that yanked my chain a bit (yanked The Boyfriend’s a whole lot more) was when she asked how Alfie got along with Carter. I said “Fine, he basically ignores him”, and she goes and says that she plans to have Carter come along to Christmas’ and other holidays with the kids. While a part of me thinks it’s sweet, a bigger part of me thinks it’s damn wrong.

No way in hell is Alfie taking mine and The Boyfriend’s son over there! Alfie doesn’t want Kaeidyn, Kenzie or Keirnan having anything to do with The Boyfriend’s family, Carter doesn’t need to have anything to do with Alfie’s family. I just nodded and smiled, not wanting to start anything. The Boyfriend was not impressed and after the visit told me that it wasn’t going to happen, ever. I agreed with him completely.

Alfie was “entertaining” a girl this weekend, and yesterday didn’t call the kids. Then today tried to lie and say he was with his Dad all day and that’s why he didn’t come over until dinner time, though I already knew he wasn’t with his Dad because American had told me that they weren’t together. I hate how the kids’ go on the back burner because there’s a chance Alfie could get laid. I wish that he could get his priorities straight. And it better not become a regular thing. This time, I’m letting it go. Next time, I won’t.

I’m not looking forward to much of this week at all. Tomorrow, I’m taking Keirnan to the walk-in clinic to get antibiotics for his teeth. Luckily he does really good with doctors and doesn’t mind when they poke and prod him. I, unfortunately, don’t do so well. Especially with the teeth thing. I always think doctors and dentists are judging my parenting abilities based on the condition of his teeth.

Then on Tuesday, even though YAY it’s The Boyfriend’s day off, sadly I have to go see a Child Support Worker to update all our information. I’m not looking forward to it at all. I always said to Alfie, I never wanted his money, I just wanted him there for the kids. Then when we broke up, I went on Income Support (welfare), and we had to go see a child support worker. At that time, Alfie and I weren’t speaking to each other, and I wasn’t getting any child support from him. Since I was on IS, I had to be receiving child support from him.

When his court date came around, he claimed that he had never been served papers, and so he never showed for the court date. So they sent the file off to the Family Maintenance Enforcement Program, and now he’s been getting charged for that. And the only time he paid it was when he was on EI (Employment Insurance), and that was only because it was automatically deducted from his check. So now we have to go back in, add Keirnan to his support, and then let them know that The Boyfriend is paying me support and doesn’t need to go through FMEP. I can’t wait for Wednesday, when all this crap will be over.

I found my camera today!! YAY!!! So hopefully in the next couple of days, I’ll have some pictures up. Tomorrow is officially my last NaBloPoMo day. Thinking about doing it again in February, but I’m not guaranteeing anything. Especially being that the official start day for The XXX Rated Rantings is February 3rd. The first WTMFI Wednesdays is already written out and scheduled to go! I’m so excited, I think it could end up being really good. I know I’ve enjoyed coming up with the questions, and I’m more than curious to see everyone’s answers.

Today was an incredibly boring day. After getting to sleep in a little late, The Boyfriend realized he still had the keys from work. So he ended up having to take a cab up to the south end. Before leaving he was all like “If they have them, do you want me to pick up a Wii?”. Hells yes I did. Well then they didn’t have them.

The Boyfriend bought the kids a new movie and Super Troopers (which I’ve never had an interest to see, but he insisted that I’d think it was hilarious. I didn’t…), but didn’t come back with any other treats than beef jerky for me. So of course, I had to give him a hard time. I go “You didn’t get me anything?” and he felt all bad and was like “I looked and couldn’t find anything you’d want.” He’s partially right. All the things that I want, that aren’t a Wii or a car, are things that I don’t want enough to get right now.

But of course, I had to be right, and The Boyfriend was all like “I didn’t know what you’d want”, I had to be like “I’ve told you a ton of things that I wanted”, he says “Like what?”, so naturally I started thinking of things. Materials for my home management notebook for one. Though I automatically hated this idea, because it’s just a big fat reminder that I haven’t done anything more with the whole idea.

So I spent the better majority of the morning-afternoon, being bored and thinking about how much I wish I could’ve been playing a Wii. Oh well, beggars can’t be choosers. Patience is a virtue. Blah blah blah…

Kaeidyn, Kenzie and Keirnan went to American’s and English’s tonight with Alfie, and The Boyfriend was sleeping, so Carter and I hung out on the couch for a few hours tonight. He barely slept at all the entire time, and was mostly in a good mood. He was very talkative. And I would talk back, and use my real laugh instead of my fake laugh when he would smile really big.

The Boyfriend woke up around nine, and Carter was awake and talkative, and started experimenting with his laugh. He’s coo, and then he’d get kind of loud. Then he’d hold his breath and let out with this puff of coo. He kept doing it over and over, like he was practicing laughing. It’s amazing how fast he’s growing up.

An acquaintance of mine, a great friend of Alfie’s, came over today. He hadn’t seen Carter since he was born. Right away, he commented on how huge Carter’s gotten. All the other kids took awhile to “grow up”. They were all premature and had no desire to be older than their age.

Kaeidyn, born 4 weeks premature, started rolling over and crawling around 5 months. She started walking at 9 1/2 months. Kenzie, who was technically born full term, 2 weeks before my due date, was about the same as Kaeidyn. He started walking later, closer to a year for him. Keirnan, born 7 weeks premature, started rolling over and crawling around 6 months and walking around 10 or 11 months. Carter is rolling over and crawling at 3 months (started at 2…)! He’s also teething alot sooner than the other three. They all started about the same time they started crawling.

Does anyone else seriously miss their babies being babies? I never experienced this with any of the other kids. But every time I look at Carter, I just keep thinking about my babies when they were babies, or more babies than what they are now.

If I could go back and re-do it all, I would in a heartbeat. I’d love to experience the whole trauma with Kaeidyn’s birth and the months that followed again, except for I’d like to deal with alot of the things that happened during that time differently. I’d kill to have my pre-Kenzie body back and the energy that I felt after having him. I’d go back to when Keirnan was in the hospital, and I’d spend more time with him, nurturing and caring for him.

I wasn’t present for the other kids like I am with Carter. Life was so hectic and crazy during those times. I almost feel bad when I give Carter all this love and attention that he gets, when the other kids didn’t get that when they were that age. With Kaeidyn, I went through a horrible bout of postpartum depression, plus I had had the infected c-section incision that lasted close to the first month she was home. I didn’t hold her as often as I could’ve, I didn’t play with her as much as I should’ve, I didn’t say “I love you” to her every single day. I regret that…

With Kenzie, I was caught up in boys and my version of partying (which trust me, is probably nothing in comparison to most people’s version of partying). He got alot more than Kaeidyn did, as I had spent two very serious weeks in a mental institution at the beginning of the pregnancy, and had much more control over alot of my emotions. Him and I bonded right from the second he was born, though as he got older, we’ve just kind of drifted apart. He’s too into his games right now (seriously thinking about putting a stop to the whole gaming thing for him for awhile), and I’m just not that into games.

Keirnan was in the hospital for the first month of his life, and I was living in a hotel with the two other kids. Mama T worked full-time, Alfie was out of town and I had no one else to rely on to watch the older kids daily so I could go visit Keirnan. I would go up about every three days, sometimes more. In the first week, it wasn’t that bad. I was only allowed to hold him for 15 minutes a day, I was pumping at home and bringing in bottles of breast milk.

When people started visiting him in the hospital, I would always say “He looks like he’s dead”. He’d be laying there, covered in cords, under his cloth sunglasses (he was under lamps because of his jaundice, which he went in and out of having the whole time he was in the hospital), just barely breathing. I’d reach in and touch him through the holes and he never flinched, never moved. Just laid there.

About 3 weeks in, I cried and cried, for the first time. I hate that I didn’t see him more, and that I didn’t cherish that first month more. I hate that I couldn’t hold him more. Now as he gets older, I wish I had more patience. He’s in that stage of learning to talk, yet having no idea how. He squeals and grunts and points. With Kaeidyn, she picked up on the talking really quickly. As long as she was told to slow down, she could get what she wanted across. Kenzie, I hardly remember what it was like when he started talking. It seemed like one day he couldn’t and the next day he could. Keirnan is just not picking it up at all, and he doesn’t slow down. I’m finding that I don’t do so well during this stage.

I’m glad that I have at least another 10+ years to make up for all the mistakes I made with my kids. At least I have  the rest of my life to tell all the kids “I love you” everyday. And thankfully, even with all the mistakes I made, all my kids are healthy, happy and to me, their amazing. And even though I miss when they were babies, I can’t wait to see what their going to be like when they’re older.

Kaeidyn will most likely have a rotten attitude, just like her mother. I have a feeling that I’m going to go through alot of the same things my Mom went through with me with that girl. Kenzie, if he sticks with this gamer thing, will most likely be tied up in his bedroom, playing games and designing graphics. I could totally see him being a whiny emo kid (oh wait, he already is ;)). With Keirnan, it’s really too soon to tell. He’ll most likely be like Alfie was growing up, except Keirnan will do it better. For every bit of devilish destruction that Alfie participated in, Keirnan will destroy twice as much. Alfie was/is a wannabe ladies man, Keirnan will be a ladies man. I’m hoping one of them will be super musical, maybe it’ll be Carter.

Well I had planned for this to only be a short post, but looks like that plan didn’t turn out as planned 😉 More again tomorrow, only a week and a day left before I’ve officially completed NaBloPoMo!! YAY!!

Do you ever have those days where you hate your extended family? I have days where I hate my family, and I have days when I hate Alfie’s family. Today, just happens to be one of those days.

This was all of the cause of the ending of the old Rantings. I wrote what I felt at the moment, Alfie’s family took it the wrong way, and a fight started which ultimately led to the end of the Rantings. And here we are today, where I want to rant about some things, and I feel like all of these people would come down on me like a ton of bricks… Oh well….

About a year ago, the English and American posted some rather nasty comments on a bunch of my status’ on Facebook. I hadn’t personally dealt with them in a few months, because I was dating The Boyfriend. So when they wanted to see the kids, Alfie would watch the kids at my house and they would come see the kids while he was here and I was gone.

Well first came the nasty comments, I went and privately messaged them asking what was going on, they posted back to a comment about how messy my house was and basically that they thought Kaeidyn wasn’t as smart as she could’ve been, “She doesn’t even know her colors!”. I’ve never been naive, I know for the rest of my life, everyone, especially in-laws, will question my parenting. That’s the joys of becoming a parent. I just hated that it had to be in such a public forum.

So then when a bunch of my friends and my sister defended me on Facebook, American went and sent them all private messages, explaining in detail just how horrible of a parent she considered me to be. And how much she wanted to call child welfare on me, and would suggest to them to do it. My friends and my sister (being my friends and my sister) all sent me the messages, wondering what the heck was going on. I simply cut contact, I wasn’t about to play the stupid game. I know in my heart that I’m doing what I need to be doing to keep my kids safe, healthy and in the best possible condition that I am capable of. I’m also pretty darn sure that I’d be aware of it if I wasn’t being good enough. But anywho…

We went a really really really long time without talking at all. They didn’t see the kids, there seemed to be no problems. I was all in that “Phew” state. And then it all came crashing down…

English’s daughter was coming to town (from England), and had never met any of the kids. It was my desire for my kids to meet their Dad’s sister, and it was Alfie’s desire too. I tried to put down the rule that as long as the people who called my kid stupid and bashed me publicly on Facebook weren’t involved. I was informed this was impossible. When Alfie freaked out, I went and said that if American and English could just apologize, it’d probably all be different. So Alfie was all like “No, it wouldn’t”, and my determination to always be right with Alfie completely screwed me over. I was dumb and went and said “Yes, it would!”. He goes and tells American and English this.

So then American (who wasn’t even the one who started the nasty comments), calls me up out of the blue looking to apologize. She wasn’t the one I was mad at, plus she really gave me no choice. Before she was even done the apology, she was already talking to the kids about coming to their house to meet their Auntie English. The kids were so excited about getting to meet someone from England, and too young to understand anything about disrespect, that I just gave in.

About three months ago, this all went down. English has still refused to have any contact with me at all, and last I heard thinks I’m this fat, loser, w with a h and an ore, so I’ve made no effort to talk to him. American now thinks we’re all buddy buddy and comes over often. I smile for the kids, because I don’t want to deprive them of any relationship with people that could potentially give them something great. I can’t let my own problems with people, interfere with my kids relationships (unless those relationships should harm them, and so far, I have no proof that American and English would harm my kids. Just their mother…).

Well today, American came over for one of her visits. Out of nowhere, she asks about my Dad. I haven’t really talked to my Dad for quite a long time. A bit of a sore subject for me. My Dad and I had a bit of a falling out, quite a long time ago, that I didn’t even find out about until almost 6 months later. I just thought maybe he couldn’t call me or something.

Then all of a sudden, I found out that it was because my Dad had heard about me going to a munch (a lunch get-together for kinky people – it was my very first, I haven’t been again since. Really want to, but 4 kids makes it incredibly hard), and was disgusted, so decided he wasn’t going to talk to me. I personally think it’s the most pathetic thing I’ve ever heard. First of all, my Dad knew years ago that I was into the kinky stuff, and often joked with me about. And then just one day, it disgusts him. I guess maybe because I was in public. Whatever… I’ve basically come to this decision about life that if people don’t like the way I live my life or the way that I am, than they’re not people I want as part of my life or part of who I am. So, whatever…

Turns out, all my enemies are like best friends. My step-mother, a truly evil woman who has damaged a handful of people, and American, who publicly bashed her step-grandchildren and their mother, talk on the phone all the time. American knew why my Dad and I haven’t been talking. She’s all up in my family’s business, and it ticks me off. It ticks me off even more that my evil step-mother (who hasn’t been welcome in my house for almost two years, and has nothing to do with me or my kids, ever. And I plan on keeping it that way for the rest of my life – because I’ve had proof that I need to protect my children from that harm), has an enemy eye into my household and the way it’s run… Argh…

This is the problem with my blogging. I never re-read what I write until way after I’ve published it. It defeats the purpose of my blogging. And I’ve officially RANTED hard about a subject, and now I’m gonna spend the rest of the night nervous about any of the people mentioned, freaking out about being mentioned in a blog. Even though out of all the people who probably come to my blog, the only people who would know who any of these people are, are probably the people themselves. I didn’t use anybody’s name though, so to any of those people who are mad about being mentioned in a blog, please don’t be. And to those who are mad, read This…