Sunshiny Day

Posted: July 21, 2010 in Valerie Rayne

It was a good day today. Early day, but a good one. We were up around 7:30, getting ready to go to the parade. It was jam-packed down there, though somehow we were able to score some pretty good seats. Kenzie was not a fan of the mascots, and would run away from them, much like he does dogs, everytime they came near him. Kaeidyn on the other hand, wanted to give everyone high fives and loved the three gymnastic groups. Keirnan had a great time too, and was pointing at everything trying to say what it was. Carter laid down on the blanket during almost the whole thing.

Two hours later, we were attempting to get out of crowded parking lots and down packed streets. Once we got home, it was suggested we should go to Discovery Canyon again. So we spent the next three hours down there, the kids (all but Carter, who had stayed with Mama T) taking turns going down the slippery, wet slopes on a tube. It was fun watching them and they had fun doing it, and both The Boyfriend and I got wicked sun burn (which will turn into beautiful tans for us both – me more than him).

I was not, in anyway, looking forward to going down there though. I was, in the sense that the kids were going to have a great time and I could work on my tan (which I’m normally not a huge fan of, but lately, can’t get enough of it). But before we went, I just felt sick. I kept thinking over and over again about all these hot girls with their bikinis strutting around, while I sat there all insecure and feeling bad about myself.

Although I did sit around all insecure and feeling bad about myself, I was comforted when most of the women there (even the ones in their belly-baring bikinis), were moms with bodies much like mine. There was no one, that I could see, that I felt uglier than. A rarity.

It bugs me how much this issue with the way my body look is beginning to dictate my every action. I wish I could just be happy in this skin, and love myself in spite of all the stretch marks and cuts and extra flab.

Luckily, even though I still feel all down and out about my body, the day was a good one and I walked away from it smiling. Then, The Boyfriend and I went and did some grocery shopping, which I almost always love. I love that I’m almost always under what I think it’s going to be once I get to the till, plus I end up getting savings. Today, it was $14 and I think the most I’ve gotten was just over $30. But it feels like a reward in itself.

Now all that’s left to do is go pick the baby up from Mama T’s. The Boyfriend and I were invited to go down to a dinner at the place that my brother is now working, but I’m just not sure if I’m up to it tonight. I feel really tired and sore and bitchy (probably all the sun), and think tonight’s going to be made up of soaking in a bath and watching a movie. It only sucks because my brother was hoping I would come…

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